Are you surprised or frustrated when people don't listen? How often have you tried to share with your family and friends the amazing things you've spent your time and money learning, only to be disappointed by their lack on interest?
At best, do they smile and nod with glazed eyes and closed ears? At worst do they berate you for wasting your time and money and end their tirade by reminding you that you're stupid? Does this upset you? Do you try harder, or start a debate (um, fight)? Does talking more, longer, or harder ever work at all? What if you could share your insights without saying a word? If you'd like to find out, ask "What if saying nothing was the greatest contribution I could be?" Then shut up, nod, smile, listen and ask questions. It may take only a few minutes — or it may take decades, or indeed a lifetime — for the other person to stop talking and say "You're different. What is that?" And that's your invitaiton to talk.
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What do you have to do today, that you'd really rather not?
Clean the house? Do the shopping? Visit an unpleasant relative? Wash the car? Attend the weekly staff meeting? Write an essay? Sit an exam? Speak in public? Go to the dentist? Give your family news that you know they'll hate? What makes you go '"Ugh, I'd rather not'" but you know you're going to do it anyway? If you'd like to create more ease for yourself, ask "How can I enjoy the heck out of it?" Your point of view creates your reality, so if your point of view is "I don't enjoy this" then your are correct. You don't and you won't. There is no possibility it could turn out to be fun after all. If your point of view is "What would it take for this to turn out to be more fun than I could ever imagine?" you create an invitation for that to occur. To start, carry with you one thing that makes you laugh. A joke. A game. A book. An app. A photo. A wiggle in your walk. What else? Whatever that is, put it in your metaphorical back pocket and pull it out to entertain yourself when things are getting tough. After a while you might fing you won't need it. Happiness is just a choice. What do you choose? Are you a worrier? What do you worry about? Failing exams, business, relationships, children, money, saving the world? Something else?
When you're worrying do you spend most of the time focused on what you're creating, or are you trying to figure out what other people want from you, and how to deliver it? What's the value of worry? Does it contribute to anything? Or does it keep you trapped in reaction and distract you from taking action? Is it an excuse for no-action? How relevant is it to what you're looking to create? If you'd like to be free to take action and create the life you'd prefer, ask "What if worry wasn't relevant?" How much of your worry stems from trying to fit in, or to meet other people's expectations? Do you think it's caring? How aware of, or interested in you are other people? A lot, a little or not at all? Would you like to have more fun? Then stop worrying about what other people want from you and start creating your life for you. If your life was an adventure of constant creation, would worry exist? Are you a caring person? Can you always see exactly what someone could be doing differently to create an easier and happier life? And do you consider you're willing to do whatever it takes to help them get there?
How often do you see the results you know are possible? Usually, sometimes, or almost never? How easy and joyful is the process for you? If you are not seeing the results you'd hoped for, or the process is hard and you'd like to create change for you in the experience, ask "Am I caring? Or care-taking?" Care-taking is doing whatever the other person tells you to do, because it makes them feel better. This can include listening to stories, hand-holding, and crying in sympathy. Caring is empowering a person to create change, whatever that looks like, and can include doing nothing and saying 'no.' What empowers? Questions, choice, awareness, and contributing only when asked and when you know change is possible. What if caring was not the good deeds auto-pilot system you thought it was? What if it was simply the willingness to be aware of, an in allowance of other people's choices? Do you run a business? How are your sales going? Is your client list growing? Or do you find it a constant struggle?
What are your points of view about your products or services? Do you consider them to be a gift to the world and people's lives would be improved if they only recognised their value? Or that they are cheap rubbish that people would be better off not wasting their money on? How do you share your points of view? Do you find it easy to talk about your business? If you'd like to create greater ease in your business, and more reward for you and others, ask "What would it take for me to be a salesperson of magnitude?" then tell people what they want to hear. What do they want to hear? Whatever will allow them to justify why they should give you money for what they have already decided they'd like to buy. People who ask you about your business are already interested in what you offer, and are seeking a reason to buy. What if you made it easy for them? How much of your quest for love is driven by your hopes and dreams that one day someone will 'see you' and acknowledge you as the amazing being you are?
Have you made falling in love the answer to your life? That wen you find The One, he/she will get you so clearly, you'll finally be whole and free to create your life? Does anybody get you now? Does anybody really want to get you anyway? Do you get you? If you don't get you, then how is it possible for anyone else to get you? What if rather than waiting to fall in love as an excuse for not creating your life, you lovingly saw, acknowledged, nurtured, and were grateful to you for everything you are right now? If you'd like to create this as a possibility, ask "Am I willing to see me?" Then look, see, and smile lovingly at you. Then when you do meet someone who is fun and easy to be with, what if you considered them lovingly, rather than falling in love? Why? Between 'loving' and 'falling in love' which is an ongoing action and which is an end? Are you looking for love? How often have you thought you found it, or were close, only to be disappointed at best, or at worst horribly abused? Did you blame yourself for failing and then continue on your quest to find it? How many times have you done the same thing?
How do you define 'love'? Does everyone define love the same as you? For example, ever heard people talk about 'tough love,' saying "I'm doing this [horrible thing] to you because I love you" ? Did you think "I wish you'd love me a little less?" What about people who say "If you love me you'll do this [thing I know you really don't want to do]"? Do most definitions of love acknowledge or honour you at all? Or do people use the word love to control you so you'll do what they want? If you'd like to create nurturing, generative relationships, ask "What does love mean to me?" Then notice what you actually desire, but that others might not include in their definitions. Once you're clear about that, you can invite that into your life, no matter what name you give it. |
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