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How well do people understand you? Are you frustrated that no one gets you? Not even - or especially - your friends, family or insignificant other?
How often do people listen to your point of view? Or are they usually focused on their own points of view about what you should be or do, telling you that it's for your own good. (Is it really for your own good, or is it simply because it suits them))? And how willing are you to tell others what you require or desire? A lot, a little, or not at all? When did you decide that you couldn't ask for things for you? How many people have told you that choosing for you is selfish (so just do what they tell you, for them)? Truth, can you contribute to anyone else if you don't first wholly contribute to you? So ask “What am I unwilling to ask for, that if I did ask for and receive it would be a greater contribution to me and my communities than I could possibly imagine?” What if you could change the world by choosing for you?
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Always feeling down? Can't seem to shift the blues?
Perhaps there something about being sad that actually works for you? It may help you fit in with others around you. It may deliver the attention you crave. Or it may simply fill in your emptiness and distract you from the rest of life. This is not wrong and you are welcome to keep sadness if it truly works for you. If it doesn't and you'd rather be happy, then know you can ask for it. Until you ask a question you may simply not be aware that somewhere, somehow you value sadness, for whatever reason. Are you ready for change? Then ask "What the value of being sad?" Do you sometimes do things that, well, just don't work out? In fact, you create complete rubbish?
When you do this, do you default to how bad, wrong, terrible and awful you are? Yes, you're a failure, just like they always said you were. How does that feel? Does it help you at all? Probably not. So what if instead, you acknowledged that you can be an awesome creator of rubbish? Say "Gee, I'm cute, but not bright!" Then laugh and ask "What's right about this I'm not getting?" and "What else is possible?" If you can create magnificent rubbish, you can undoubtedly create magnificent magnificence too. You just have to ask and take notice. What's the value of making yourself wrong anyway? It's much more fun to be Cute, Not Bright. Are you frustrated or upset by anyone in your life? Is someone driving you crazy? Are they too loud, too bossy, too flaky, too up-down-turn-around, too...add your pet peeve here.
Would you like more ease in your life when you're around them, assuming you have to, or would like to be around them? If so, ask “What am I grateful to them for?” and acknowledge them for that. There will always be at least one thing, if not more. Parents who drive you nuts, and are always there to help you with your kids. A friend who is predictably unpredictable, and has shown you people function differently. A lover who picks insane fights, and is great at....um....other things. When you acknowledge someone for who they are, and are grateful for their great bits, you are free and empowered to make the most of the great bits, without being at the effect of the rest. Something not working in your life? Feeling unhappy or stuck? Do you see yourself as a victim and without hope? Do you think you're hard up and done over by someone?
Are these points of view limiting you, preventing you from creating the life you'd really like? Would you like to change that? People stay in the role of the mournful victim all the time because it has some value for them. For example
On the other hand, some people simply don't realize they have the choice to change. Was that you? Now you know you can choose, would you like to? If so ask “What's the value of hanging on to this?” If it has no value, you would hang on to it for what reason? The reality is, you always have choice. Do you find you other people are always telling you what to do, things that you'd rather not do, and convince you to give up the things you prefer?
Other people will always try to get you to do things, using obligation and guilt to control you. Why? It makes their lives easier, and you usually do what they tell you to, so why not? Listening to other people's points of view can be useful. You can learn a great deal. And did you know that when you don't feel light and wonderful about a request or demand, you don't have to do it? Next time someone asks/tells you to do something, first ask yourself "Does this work for me?" If it light light and breezy, then go ahead and do it. And if not, smile and with a light, joyful energy say “Thank you so much for thinking of me! Great idea! It doesn't work for me right now. What will it take for you to find someone to get it done? Then smile again and change the subject. You are stating a fact about which no one can argue (it doesn't work for you right now). Don't offer a reason or excuse; these only allow the conversation to continue. If people push you, smile again and say “I'm sorry, it doesn't work for me. It's an interesting idea and I'm sure other people will be keen." And if that still doesn't work, smile and walk away/hang up/delete/block/ whatever it takes until your lightness returns. How much do you put off doing? How much do you not do all because you think you won't succeed? How often do you end up doing something less than you'd like as a result?
What do hesitation and fear contribute to your life? Is there any value in having them? Or are they simply distractions that keep you from creating what you'd truly like? If you'd like to be free from their control to create the relationships, work, business, life and change you'd really like, ask “What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?” This will clear such distractions so you see what you'd really like to choose. Then ask "What action can I take?" Are you willing to have that much freedom? How often have you shared your excitement with someone about something, only to have them pour cold water over you saying things like “Really? You do know that's crazy...?” or “You did WHAT? Don't you know it's not going to work because of A, B C...Z?”, and even“OMG how STUPID could you be???!!!”
How was that? Not much fun? What happened to your excitement and joy? Did you start doubting yourself, thinking that you really must be stupid? And definitely wrong? Just because someone else doesn't get it, doesn't mean you don't. What if you knew a whole lot more than most people? At least you know what's right and light for you. How would anyone else know that? So when you are enjoying yourself or have a great new idea, remind yourself you know that you know. And say “Just for me, just for fun, never tell anyone.”who-can-i-smile-at-today.html And if you do share your joy with someone and they don't get it, smile and thank them for their interesting point of view. Then return to your fun and excitement. What if that could change the world? How much of what you do everyday is driven by your desire to be acknowledged and validated?
Are you always seeking someone's approval, consciously or unconsciously? Do you ever get it? Probably not as often as you'd like. And how often to people shout or laugh at you, telling you you're wrong and a stupid idiot? And what then? Do you try even harder to be seen? If this is not fun and you find you're doing things you don't really enjoy, hoping to please someone else, ask“What if I didn't need to prove myself to anyone?” What if you were absolutely awesome just as you are and did not need anyone else to approve you? Would that make life easier and more fun? Do you use drugs of any kind? Hard drugs, pharmaceutical drugs, tobacco, or alcohol in excessive amounts? Do you have any other compulsive behaviour, for example with food, exercise, feeling bad about yourself, or helping / bullying people , that you think you can't change? Maybe you're a control freak who works 24/7 to prove you're right?
What does this behaviour add to your life? Do you use it to dull or heighten your awareness about something? Does it free you from pain, physical, emotional or intellectual? Does it create a space where you feel more you? How real is that awareness, freedom and space? Completely, or not at all? What if you could create real, total awareness, freedom and space which does not rely on anything but you? If you'd like to find out, ask “What does this [your addictive or compulsive behaviour] add to my life, and what information do I require that would empower me to create that in other ways?” Visit http://www.marilynbradford.com/right-recovery-for-you.html for more information. How many things do you have in your life that don't work for you, that you think you have to be/do/have because someone else said so?
You have to study for that exam, go to that school, study that subject, enter that company, learn that language, marry that person, have that many children, attend that event, vote for that person, put that in your body, follow that rule and so on. How well do you do them? Just because someone else says you need to be/do/have something is a good idea, will it always work out well for you? Who is the one person who does know what will work for you and what is true for you? YOU. Only you know if something works for you. It feels light as a feather. Unlike all the heavy stuff you know doesn't work for you, but you do anyway because you were told to. So if you're not as happy as you'd like to be, start listening and trusting you more by asking "Does this work for me?" Notice whether you feel heavy or light. And if you'd like to change any heaviness, ask "What else is possible?" Are you bored, unexcited or simply uninspired with your study or work? Perhaps you've been doing something because you decided it was a good career choice, a noble cause, a higher purpose, or just because you've always done it? You'd be crazy to give it up; you'd let everyone down, right?
What about your relationships? Do you spend time with people simply because you work with, they've been friends forever, they're family, or you're worried they'll be upset if you don't? And life in general, how's that going? If you've been feeling a little (or a lot) flat of late, start by asking “Who and what truly excites and inspires me?” Then whatever comes to mind, choose that. See how it works out. Ask the question again. Repeat following the energy of whatever and whomever excites and inspires you. In other words, rather than doing something begrudgingly because you think it is 'right' (for whom?) or expected (by whom?), what if you were excited and inspired by what you did everyday, and by everyone around you? Would your life ever be tiresome or hard, even when sudden disruptions or restrictions are thrown in your way? And what amazing contribution could you be to the world, by doing wholeheartedly what you love, rather than half-heartedly what you think you should? Do you find yourself behaving in way that is, well, not quite you?
Like getting really cranky, crying like a madwoman, throwing a floor-fist-banging tantrum, being distracted by a pointless fight with some faceless idiot online, or otherwise doing something you know is crazy and not you, but you can't seem to help it? What if it wasn't you? To find out, ask “Who am I being now?” We pick up all sorts of stuff from those around us, from our parents, teachers, friends and pretty much everyone. This question is designed to remind you that maybe it really isn't you. Then you can ask “If I were me, who would I be?” If you're a parent, try it with your kids. Are they mad as hell or being a drama queen? Ask them gently without heat “Who are you being now?” Don't be surprised if they reply “YOU!!” Then ask “If you were you, who would you be?” and listen. At the very least it might crinkle their universe and stop the drama spiral for a second or two. At best, their whole life might change. How often do you limit your choices – before you even consider them – by concluding that other people won't approve?
Do you ever say something like “My husband/wife/partner wouldn't agree”, “My parents wouldn't like it” or even “No one else does that, so what would everyone think of me?” Is worrying about what other people think one of the main reasons you give for not doing something? What if you took other people out of the equation so you could see what you'd really like to choose? If you'd like to find out, ask yourself “If other people's points of view weren't real – if everything were just an interesting point of view – what would I choose?” How many of the world's great science, social, cultural, business and other innovations and discoveries have come from people doing what they loved, and knowing what was right for them, no matter what other people thought was real, true, or possible? What could be possible for you if you listened more to you? Remember when you were a child and every day was an adventure? When your To Do list something like this: wake up, have fun, go to bed...maybe, or just fall asleep mid-play?
Does your life still have that energy? Or is your To Do list now more like: drag myself out of bed, do what I have to, work and drink too much, and fall into bed...with a social media few rants in between? Would you like to reclaim the energy of your child? Rather than resigning yourself to being weighed down by responsibilities and perceived limitations, what if you embraced life as an exciting adventure? If so, wake up every morning and acknowledge you're in charge of creating your day by asking “Who am I today and what grand and glorious adventures can I have?” When you start each day like this, will you have the same old study, job, work, business, family, health or money problems and restrictions? Maybe. Or maybe you'll see new, exciting possibilities that you've never noticed before. Are you smart? Are you aware of everything going on around you in all time, space and dimensions, seeing connections, pasts and futures that no one else can see?
And yet do you find that other people always seem to be talking down to you, explaining and pontificating on things to you, as if you had no idea? How do you react? Do you nod, smile and think "interesting"? Or do you get annoyed, worked up, and drawn into a meaningless circular argument? Do people ever concede you known what you're talking about? If not and you'd like greater ease in these situations ask "What if I didn't need to prove I was smart"? Does trying to prove you're smart mean that you've actually decided you're not? Is that true? Or did you buy that point of view from someone, sometime? When you try to prove you’re smart, you have to have all the answers. What if your smarts - your awareness - was the thing that could point out where the answers end and the questions begin? What else could be possible then? Whenever you've had more time than usual away from friends, family, work, travel or other stimulating positive environments, do you find it easy to spiral downward? Do you start focusing on what's wrong with your life, what's wrong with you?
Do you get really down on yourself, feeling that you're not quite right somehow? Maybe you start to feel that you're less than you should be or that you're not what someone else expects you to be? Perhaps time on your own has changed the way you think, and now you don't seem to fit in with everyone around you? Have people started calling you crazy, or worse, and you think that you're wrong for not fitting in? What if there was nothing wrong with you? If you'd like to find out, rather than judging yourself as wrong, ask “What's right about me that I'm not getting?” What if you were not nearly as messed up as you thought you were? What if you were just different? And what if, by acknowledging this, you show up as the difference that the world needs? This is free and doesn't hurt, so give it a go, ask the question. Are you feeling scared? An emotional spiral of worry and panic, an out-of-sorts flood of tears, or you're simply not feeling yourself?
What if what you were feeling was not actually yours? These days we take for granted the invisible transmission of information via WiFi and mobile phones. What about us? Don't we also transmit information – thoughts, feelings and emotion – invisibly and soundlessly too? Like when you walk into a room and know exactly who's just had a fight, or who's having a secret affair? So when you feel emotionally out-of-sorts, ask “Who does this belong to? Me or someone else?” If the feeling lightens, you'll know it's not yours and you can “Return to sender with consciousness.” And if you find it is yours, ask another question like “What's the value of hanging on to this?” or"What action can I take?" And then make a choice. You can change anything if you choose. What day do you live in? Today, tomorrow or yesterday?
When you live in the past, you create your life based on what did/didn't work then. When you live in the future, you create your life based on hopes, dreams, expectations, delusions, and other unrealities. When you live in the present, you create your life based on your awareness of that moment, free from the limitations of the past and the unrealities of the future. Need help being in the present? Ask yourself "If I were living my life today, what would I choose?" Then make a choice, see what shows up, and make another choice, in constant creation and awareness of your life. And you can make more than one choice a day. In fact, you can make a choice every 10 seconds if you like. What animal do you admire?
Big cats for their understated strength and power? Dogs for their loyalty and friendship? Ants for their diligent industry and collaboration? Birds for their grace as they swoop and swerve avoiding disasters? Beavers or spiders for their engineering prowess? Crocodiles or cockroaches for their stealth and ability to survive apparently anything? Domestic cats who ingratiate themselves while remaining aloof and independent. Bees for understanding the chaotic order of flowers and extracting nature's gold? What else? Do animals study hard and learn these skills? Or are they just being themselves? Do animals deserve their abilities? Or do they simply enjoy and use them? Next time you find yourself in a situation where you're not sure what to do or say, ask "What animal could I be?" This question is designed to help you pause your autopilot reaction, and to refocus you on how you could be, and what action you could take with ease and elegant result. Is someone bullying, gaslighting, or trolling you? Or maybe the opposite? Someone is trying to build you up, driving you to be or do something they think would be good for you?
What do you do? Do you resist and react against the bullies? Do you agree and align with the supporters? In either case, where are you? If you'd like to find out, ask yourself "Am I trying to validate other people's realities?" When you create your life in reaction/action against/for someone else you solidify their reality, not yours. So if you'd prefer to create your life freely, with infinite possibilities that work for you, ask "If other people's points of view weren't real, what would I choose?" When you ask questions about change, how often is your question focused on changing someone, or something outside yourself?
For example, you don't enjoy working in your family business; you do it to keep the incoming money in the family. So maybe you ask questions, like "What will it take for more customers to spend their money in the business?" or "What will it take for the other family members to do their jobs even better?" Your point of view being that the more income to the business, the easier it will be to hire someone to do your job. Or the better other family members do their job, the less you'll have to work. You may create that outcome. Or you may create something completely different, including one which requires you to be even more involved. The opposite of what you're looking for. To make sure you create the changes you'd actually like, be clear that your questions include you, by asking "Where am I in this?" In this situation, you could ask "What will it take for the business to thrive and no longer require my labour, or something greater than I can imagine?" How often do you discount the things you do?
Sure you can make an amazing coffee, but so what? Oh, yeah you can whip up a banquet for ten on whatever's left in the fridge, but who can't? Organising an event? Coming in under budget? Growing veggies? Entertaining kids? Finding a bargain in the charity shop and on-selling it for a profit? Juggling a few jobs? Connecting people? Feeding and raising a family with ease and joy? Listening to people? Whipping up a ballgown from the curtains? Making something work when everyone tells you it's broken. Getting what you want as if by magic when everyone tells you it can't be done? What else? What's the one thing that you do amazingly well without trying or thinking about it? Don't know? Then ask yourself "What's my superpower?" Whatever that thing is that you can do on your little finger without trying or thinking about it, are you willing to acknowledge it? Not everyone can do what you can, you know. So rather than discount you, will you step into your life and be even more of you? What gift would that be to the world? Right now, what are you aware of that every single person around you can't see?
When you talk about what you're aware of, what do they do? Do they listen patiently and kindly, smile and pat you on the shoulder and say "Sure, that's an interesting point of view. Not something I can see, but hey I'm here for you no matter what"? Or do they laugh at you, gaslight you, bully you, call you crazy, tell you you're wrong, worthless, and stupid? Or maybe they just smirk and roll their eyes? What do you do when someone spits on your point of view like this? Do you second guess yourself, capitulate, agree and align with their point of view? Does it become so heavy it pulls you down? If so, ask yourself "Am I willing to have my own back?" When you're not willing to have your own back, you'll crumple at the whisper of someone else's doubt or scepticism, no matter how clear your awareness. And the best thing about having your own back is that you'll see very clearly, very quickly anyone who doesn't. Do you know what's right for you and how you'd prefer to create your life? Amazing!
How often do other people succeed in influencing the way you create your life, imposing their views on and controlling you? Never, sometimes, or all the time? If it's more than 'never' and you'd like to change that, ask yourself "Am I holding my position?" People will always try to manipulate you into doing what they'd like. And you're a nice person, right? So you smile and listen to them. And you're not as smart as them, right? So you think they must know better. Truth, who know most about your life? You or someone else? Who cares most about you? You or someone else? You. So next time you sense someone is seeking to distract you from what you'd like to do, and manipulate you into doing what they want, smile and ask them questions. For example "I'm sorry. I'm confused. Can you show me?" or "What do you mean by that exactly?" keeping you focused on what you know is best for you until they move out of your way. And if it becomes clear they will never allow your position, smile and walk away. |
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