Have you ever had someone judge you for doing something — that you knew was not true — and wondered if they were actually talking about what they were doing? For example, when a partner accuses you of cheating on them (and you know you're not), did it occur to you that they might be doing the cheating?
Did you know that people will accuse you of the things they're doing, or about to do, so you won't see what's actually going on? Instead of seeing the truth about what's going on (which is usually quite obvious), you'll be distracted by compulsion to fight and defend yourself, or you'll slink away feeling bad and wrong about yourself.
When this happens, do you get angry? Anger in these circumstances can indicate a lie: the lie the other person is telling.
So, if you'd like to stay aware of what is going on and extract yourself from someone's control, ask yourself "Does this anger indicate a lie?" If you sense it does, all you need to do is to notice your anger, recognise the accusation is a lie, don't buy it as real, and you won't be impacted by it.
Be in allowance of them and you. Don't defend or judge it because if you align and agree, or resist and react, you are buying it as true. Instead ask questions. "What is this? Would I like to change it? Can I change it? If so how? You may not have to do anything. You may simply have to acknowledge it to change it.
And, if you'd like to have some fun and get yourself off auto-pilot. play this game in your head. Whenever someone says "You are mean" tell yourself "Aaah, they're telling me they are mean" or when someone says "You judge me all the time" tell yourself "Aaah, they are telling me they judge themselves/me all the time" And so on. Play with it. At worst it might just keep you distracted from being distracted.
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