Do you find yourself doing things you'd rather not? Sometimes even doing things you know are not good for you?
Do you do them because you've been told that not to do them would be shameful, that you'd be guilty of causing harm to others, or that you'd regret not doing them?
Are shame, guilt, and regret real and true? Or are they simply interesting points of view based on someone's view of right and wrong? Words designed to control you and coerce you into doing what other people want, while distracting you from creating the life you'd really like?
Other people will always try to get you to do stuff their way, using words to trick you into believing it's good for you.
If you'd like to be free from the control of distractors like this, ask "Is the thought of shame, guilt or regret distracting me from creating the life I'd truly like?" Then see how light you feel.
You may end up choosing to do exactly the same thing, but not because someone tricked you into it. It will be your free and conscious choice.
Are you a parent, or thinking about growing some kids?
Do you feel like a beach ball on the ocean being battered by waves in the middle of a storm of advice? People telling you what you must/must not do to be a 'successful' parent? And if you don't, UH OH, your poor kids...
Does this help you smile and enjoy being a parent, or potential parent? Or not so much?
What if parenting wasn't what you thought it was? What if it could be whatever you chose it to be? What would that be?
Try this on for size. Ask yourself "What if my job as a parent was to be joyful?" What would create more joy for you as a parent? Acknowledging everyone else's points of view as interesting, then asking "Does this work for me?" and creating your life based on your own awareness?
What if the greatest gift you could offer your children was to show them the joy of life and living is whatever they choose it to be.
What do people around you talk about? Do they gossip and talk endlessly about the next instalment of the trauma and drama in their, or other people's lives? Do they usually focus on who did what bad thing to someone else? Or maybe they talk about hair, makeup, furniture, renovations, drinking, sports, cars, or some other 'desirable' objects?
Or course there is nothing wrong with these things if they're fun for you. So do you enjoy it and join in? Does it make you feel uncomfortable or get you down? Or are you simply puzzled why people spend their time talking about things like this?
If you're not enjoying the conversations around you ask "What do I enjoy talking about?" and notice what comes to mind. If you realise what you enjoy doesn't match what people around you are talking about, simply acknowledge it with "How interesting I don't enjoy this." Then gently extract yourself.
If you can't immediately remove yourself from the conversation, a smile, a nod, and interesting point of view energy will take you out of resist and react. What if by not engaging in the talk, you changed the conversation?
And you can always ask "What will it take for more fun people to come and play?" and find people who are more in your zone.
Are you comfortable with money? Or do you struggle with it and never seem to have enough? Even if you're not living hand-to-mouth, do you have the feeling you don't have as much as you need to do all the things you enjoy?
Or perhaps you've defined the things you enjoy to fit within the limited amount of money you've decided you have available to you?
What is your point of view about money? That it's greedy to have too much? There's not enough to go around? If you have a lot, then someone else will miss out? That you don't deserve it? It won't bring happiness? What else?
Are these points of view true? They are if they are your point of view. Remember, your point of view creates your reality.
So, if you'd like to change your point of view about money and create greater ease with it, ask "What's the value of having no money?"
If you discover there is little value, ask some more questions like "What if everything about money was for the fun of it?" and "If time and money weren't the issue, what would I choose?"
Do you sometimes feel like you have no options? For example, you have NO CHOICE but to look after your elderly parents, make your kids do homework, stay late at the office, cancel your holiday, pay for dinner, host the family at Christmas, get married, get a job, buy a house, have kids, stay at home, take a medicine, follow the rules.
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of these things. It's simply your point of view if you don't like something.
If your point of view is that you don't like it, and you'd prefer something else, instead of defaulting to the No Choice version of life, ask "Who or what is limiting my choices?"
Once you become clear about whether it's you, or someone or something else limiting your choices, you can ask more questions to create what you'd really like. For example, "What else is possible?" "What will it take for X to show up?" or "What action can I take?"
This is a free-will universe, remember? There is always choice. What if you stopped being your greatest limitation?
Do you think there is a limit to your energy? Do you often feel tired or drained? When you exercise, do you worry you'll run out of energy?
Here's what science says. Energy cannot be created or be destroyed; it can only be transformed into another sort of energy. Systems — like people and things — can transfer energy between them simply.
It appears there is no scientific reason to lack energy. Elite athletes know this. The only difference is a point of view, not physical access to energy.
So if you'd like to invigorate your life, ask "What if I had unlimited energy?" and then consciously pull energy from everything around you: the space, the people, the trees, the sun, whatever is available.
And don't forget to ask "Am I tired, or bored?" Often the key to unleashing unlimited energy is quite simply fun. Truth, are you having fun?
Are you having a rough time, facing something tough? Do people around you say or do things that just get up your nose?
Does it seem like everything is going to ell in a hand basket? Do you frown all day, walk around with stooped shoulders, and snap at everyone...if you can get out of bed that is?
Would you like to change that? Even if you don't think it's possible and can't see a way out, ask "What if I just smiled all day today?"
This requires no thinking. Just pull those lips back into a smile. No matter what happens, no matter who says or does what, smile and be interesting point of view. If you choose to stay in bed all day, smile at the ceiling.
If you need to, pull a really big rubber band across your mouth and hook it up to both ears to keep smiling. Believe it or now, science has shown this actually works to change your mood. The only question is: are you ready to change?
How often have you been told life is a rollercoaster? That you have to take the good with the bad? That without downs there would be no ups?
What if your life had no ups and downs? Do you think you'd flatlined? Have you decided that without the thrill of the up-down rollercoaster you'd be dead?
Do you enjoy being down? If not, then ask "What if my life just got better and better?
What makes your up times? What makes your down times? Is it what happens? Or is it your point of view about what happens and your willingness to change?
What if your point if view was that you could simply choose to be happe, without needing to be unhappy, to experience the difference?
What if you remembered to ask "What's rights about this that I'm not getting?"
What if happiness were just a choice?
How much time do you spend second guessing whether you'll fail at something or not? Do you say "I'd like to do it, but I probably won't be any good" or "I'll give it a go, but I'm sure I won't do very well?" Some of this may be because you think you shouldn't big-note yourself.
How much of it do you end up believing?
There is nothing wrong with this point of view. Be aware, that your point of view creates your reality. So if you think you'll be no good, then you're absolutely correct.
If you'd like to create a different reality — an expansive, can-do reality full of possibility, then start with a different point of view. Start by asking "What if success were the only option?"
What is the definintion of success? That's up to you. How have you defined success? What if by being clear on what you'd truly like as your life and living, then success IS the only option?
They're up in the air of course. Or are they? If you're standing on your head, then wouldn't your feet be on your head?
How many things in your life are like this? Beliefs based on assumptions? You've heard it from your family, your friends, your government, your doctors, or saw it on TV, so of course it's true! Right?
What if some, many, or even all your assumptions about how the world functions were different to what you thought? What if everything was the opposite of what it appeared to be and nothing was the opposite of what it appeared to be?
So next time you'd like clarity about something you have assumed must be certain, ask "If I'm standing on my head, where are my feet?"
You may find they are indeed in the air. Or they may be on your head. Maybe you checked them into the cloakroom. Or perhaps you never had feet to begin with?
How often do you feel swept away by the stream of people's trauma and drama? Dragged over the rapids and smashed against the rocks?
Or perhaps you're the salmon diligently swimming upstream, against the flow?
What if instead, you were the rock in the stream, allowing the water to pass one way and the salmon to pass the other?
What if you could see it all, without being the effect of it, so that you could choose what worked for you?
This is allowance, and questions will enable you to be in that state.
Like to be the rock? Ask yourself "What if I be the question?"
What does your life feel like right now? Light? Heavy? Fun? Serious? Energetic? Lethargic? Joyous? Miserable? Frivolous? Exhausting? Add your own words, image or feelings to describe your life as it is now.
Got them? Sometimes it helps to close your eyes to do it.
Now ask yourself "Is this the life I truly desire?"
If your life is not exactly what you'd like, then do it again, first asking "If time, money and other people's points of view weren't real, what would I choose for my life, living and reality?"
Now get a sense of the energy of the life you'd truly like. Add words, images, smells, feelings, sensations too if that helps.
Are two images the same, or different?
What if you carried with you the energy of the life you'd truly like, and chose consciously people and things that matched it, regardless of your normal logical pros and cons?
Could that make it easier for you to create the life you'd truly like?
How often do you ask for what you'd really like? All the time? Sometimes? Almost never?
And how much of what you'd really like do you have in your life right now? A lot? A little? Almost nothing?
Do you see the connection? Don't ask, don't get.
What stops you from asking for what you'd like? Do you think that you're being selfish? That there's not enough to go around and you should give up your bit (whatever that is) for someone else? That you don't deserve it? That you don't need to ask for anything from anyone? That people should know what you want? Something else?
Are these true? Or are they interesting points of view that you may have bought from someone, sometime?
Have you ever heard the axiom: ask and you will receive? Have you ever asked?
So if you don't have the life you'd truly like, ask "What if I asked for the life I'd truly like?"
Then ask. And receive.
Have you ever been stuck not knowing what to do? You've got two or more great (or not so great) options and you just don't know which one to go with?
Are you frozen by the idea that you might make the wrong choice? Have you made this choice the answer to your life? And if you get it wrong, people will say "there you go again, making no-good choices" and your life will be over?
Is that true? What if there were no wrong choices? What if no choice was the answer to your life? What if a choice was quite simply that: a choice. A choice that is good for 10 seconds, and then you get to choose again.
How does that feel? A bit lighter? Can you choose now?
So go on, remind yourself: a choice is just a choice and you can do it every 10 seconds. When you're stuck, ask "What if I just chose, dammit?"
Then choose. Repeat.
What's your point of view about magic? That it's voodoo and a lie? Or that it's a bit of a laugh for kids? (But wow...what if you really could do things like Harry Potter and X-men? Wouldn't that be fun!)
Do you ever have wonderful people or things show up in your life with ease and by surprise? Is that like magic?
Does it make you smile?
What if magic were simply things appearing from a source you couldn't see and didn't yet understand? What if magic was simply science you couldn't yet explain? Like if you now saw fire for the first time?
If you'd like to invite more magic into your life and create things you thought impossible, ask "What magic can I ask for today?"
And then ask.
How often do you get stuck in life? A lot, a little or not at all? Do you ever get into a cranky pants rage or spiral into a frenzy of anxiety? Is that fun for you?
If not, and you'd prefer to have total freedom to see and walk around such roadblocks — to be able to change anything that's not working for you in life — start by asking one of these questions.
1. What if I had infinite, free choice?
2. What if everything were just an interesting point of view?
3. If I had 10 second to choose the rest of my life, what would I choose?
4. What question could I ask?
5. What if form and structure had no significance?
6. Am I in judgement?
7. What does this add to my life?
8. What's the value of competition?
9. What if I didn't buy the story?
10. What am I excluding here?
The reality is, you always have choice.
When things don't work out the way you'd like, what do you do? Do you ask "What's right about this that I'm not getting?" What else is possible?" "Cute, not bright!" and "How does it get any better than this?"
Or do you try to find someone or something to blame? Do others blame you when things don't go right for them?
Blame means to find fault with, to hold responsible for, or to condemn as wrong.
Is blame real and true? Or is it an interesting point of view based on someone's view of right and wrong?
When you buy into the idea that "someone must take the blame" how much trauma and drama comes your way? How much energy do you spend excusing, defending or deflecting the blame? Is that fun?
If not, and you'd like to be free from the control of distractors like this, ask "Is this blame distracting me from creating the life I'd truly like?"
Is work usually hard for you and not much fun? Do you think that's just the way it has to be? That it's wrong to show that you enjoy your job, or that doing things elegantly -- getting the best results for the least effort -- is somehow cheating?
When you were young, did your parents frown and complain about their day at the office or factory? Do you do that now?
Would you like to enjoy work more and get better results more easily? If so, start by giving up all the fixed points of view you have about work. Then ask "What if work were easy and fun?"
Are you willing to enjoy every moment of your work life, and get the best results, and make money?
It is possible. Many people create good income from doing things they enjoy all the time. How? They choose to do things they enjoy well, rather than suffer and do badly things they don't.
Happiness is just a choice and a smile is very good for business.
Do you find you other people are always telling you what to do, things that you'd rather not do, and convince you to give up the things you prefer?
Other people will always try to get you to do things, using obligation and guilt to control you. Why? It makes their lives easier, and you usually do what they tell you to, so why not?
Listening to other people's points of view can be useful. You can learn a great deal. And did you know that when you don't feel light and wonderful about a request or demand, you don't have to do it?
Next time someone asks/tells you to do something, ask yourself "Does this work for me?" If you feel a heaviness, smile and with a light, joyful energy say “Thank you so much for thinking of me! I'm sorry. That doesn't work for me right now.”
Then smile again and change the subject. You are stating a fact about which no one can argue. Don't offer a reason or excuse; these only allow the conversation to continue.
If people push you, smile again and say “I'm sorry it doesn't work for me. It's an interesting idea and I'm sure other people will be keen." And if that still doesn't work, smile and walk away/hang up/delete/block/ whatever it takes until your lightness returns.
How often have you shared your excitement with someone about something you've recently discovered, only to have them pour cold water over you saying things like “Really? You do know that's crazy...?” or “You did what? Don't you know it's not going to work because of A, B C...Z?”, and even “OMG how stupid could you be???!!!”
How was that? Not much fun? What happened to your excitement and joy? Did you start doubting yourself, thinking that you really must be stupid? And definitely wrong?
Just because someone else doesn't get it, doesn't mean you don't. What if you knew a whole lot more than most people?
At least you know what's right and light for you. How would anyone else know that? So when you are enjoying yourself or have a great new idea, remind yourself you know that you know. And say “Just for me, just for fun, never tell anyone.”
And if you do share your joy with someone and they don't get it, smile and thank them for their “interesting point of view.”
Then return to your fun and excitement. What if that could change the world?
Are the things you'd truly like not showing up in your life? Even though you are (select any and all that apply): smart, educated, articulate, hard working, diligent, polite, kind, good looking, well connected, in the zone, [enter your own talents here _________________________], and generally have everything going for you?
Do you have any of these points of view? I can/should do everything myself. I should be self-sufficient/self-made. Handouts are wrong. I know best. Everyone else is stupid. I can't rely on anyone else?
Even if you can do everything yourself, better than anyone, having these points of view, will cut off your ability to receive from anyone or anything.
If your point of view is “I don't need anything from anyone,” then that's what you'll create.
So if you'd like to create the things in your life that you've been asking for but have not yet shown up, ask “What am I unwilling to receive?”
Notice what shows up - including somebody else's point of view - then ask "What action could I take?"
How much of what you do everyday is driven by your desire to be acknowledged and validated?
Are you always seeking someone's approval, consciously or unconsciously?
Do you ever get it? Probably not as often as you'd like.
And how often to people shout or laugh at you, telling you you're wrong and a stupid idiot?
And what then? Do you try even harder to be seen?
If this is not fun and you find you're doing things you don't really enjoy, hoping to please someone else, ask“What if I didn't need to prove myself to anyone?”
What if you were absolutely awesome just as you are and did not need anyone else to approve you?
Would that make life easier and more fun?
Some people love to fight. Do you?
Some will fight to the death to prove the rightness of their point of view. Some just like to fight for the fun of it. In either case, will anything you say or do change their mind and stop the fight?
Do you ever see the insanity of an argument and try to stop it or change it with well considered and logical arguments? Does it ever work? Or do you get more frustrated, tangled and drawn into the fight?
If you don't enjoy arguing and would like to move beyond the fight to new possibilities, ask yourself "Is this fight a distraction?" then smile and say “You're right, I'm wrong” three times.
You're not agreeing the other person is right. You're acknowledging their right to their point of view, and you are being in allowance of them not seeing yours.
The words are easy. The energy behind the words might take practice. Saying these words sarcastically or angrily will not work. Your energy must be of complete allowance.
Will they work? Next time someone wants a fight, use them and see. And remember, you can always be grateful for their anger and choose something else.
Has someone been angry with you recently? Call you names for something you said or did?
How did you react? Did you start thinking you were stupid or wrong? Or perhaps you responded with your own anger?
Did any of that work out for you? If not, ask "What about this anger am I grateful for?"
There is always something. For example, what was their anger was trying to do? Control you? Distract you from something? Shut you down? Or maybe it was a mechanism for distracting them from something going on in their world and really had nothing to do with you?
Once you become aware of someone's anger, you can choose to keep it in your life or not. If you would like them in your life you can say "This anger doesn't work for me. Does it work for you? Would you like to change it?"
If they say yes, great, there is an invitation for change. If no, then at least you know and you get to choose for you. If you prefer not to have them in your life, genuinely thank them for their interesting point of view, smile and walk away/hang up/delete/remove them from your contact list.
This question will help you step out of the autopilot of reacting to anger, which will only serve to distract you from creating the life you'd really like.
To change something, first get clear on exactly what you 'd like to change by asking “What is this?”
Next ask “Would I like to change it?” To change something, you must truly desire it and be willing to do whatever it takes.
Then you can ask “If so, how?” Can you change anyone else? No. The only thing you can change is you and your points of view. For example, when friends, family or perfect strangers reprimand you for being a conspiracy theory/government-trusting idiot and that you're WRONG WRONG WRONG to believe the conspiracies/government. Not much fun for you, is it?
So what else is possible? Stop talking to them (no reprimands if there's no contact). Put your own points of view away, push all your barriers down, smile and ask them genuine questions about their points of view (you never know, if you ask the right questions with genuine interest they might learn something new...and so might you).
Or notice your buttons and smile when people push them. Consider your friends, family and even perfect strangers are cute for trying to save you from your idiotic belief in conspiracies/governments, saying “Thanks so much. Tell me more." Then shut up, listen, nod and listen some more till they run out of steam.
Just because you listen to their stories, doesn't mean you have to buy them.
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