Do you find you other people are always telling you what to do, things that you'd rather not do, and convince you to give up the things you prefer?
Other people will always try to get you to do things, using obligation and guilt to control you. Why? It makes their lives easier, and you usually do what they tell you to, so why not?
Listening to other people's points of view can be useful. You can learn a great deal. And did you know that when you don't feel light and wonderful about a request or demand, you don't have to do it?
Next time someone asks/tells you to do something, ask yourself "Does this work for me?" If you feel a heaviness, smile and with a light, joyful energy say “Thank you so much for thinking of me! I'm sorry. That doesn't work for me right now.”
Then smile again and change the subject. You are stating a fact about which no one can argue. Don't offer a reason or excuse; these only allow the conversation to continue.
If people push you, smile again and say “I'm sorry it doesn't work for me. It's an interesting idea and I'm sure other people will be keen." And if that still doesn't work, smile and walk away/hang up/delete/block/ whatever it takes until your lightness returns.
How often have you shared your excitement with someone about something you've recently discovered, only to have them pour cold water over you saying things like “Really? You do know that's crazy...?” or “You did what? Don't you know it's not going to work because of A, B C...Z?”, and even “OMG how stupid could you be???!!!”
How was that? Not much fun? What happened to your excitement and joy? Did you start doubting yourself, thinking that you really must be stupid? And definitely wrong?
Just because someone else doesn't get it, doesn't mean you don't. What if you knew a whole lot more than most people?
At least you know what's right and light for you. How would anyone else know that? So when you are enjoying yourself or have a great new idea, remind yourself you know that you know. And say “Just for me, just for fun, never tell anyone.”
And if you do share your joy with someone and they don't get it, smile and thank them for their “interesting point of view.”
Then return to your fun and excitement. What if that could change the world?
Are the things you'd truly like not showing up in your life? Even though you are (select any and all that apply): smart, educated, articulate, hard working, diligent, polite, kind, good looking, well connected, in the zone, [enter your own talents here _________________________], and generally have everything going for you?
Do you have any of these points of view? I can/should do everything myself. I should be self-sufficient/self-made. Handouts are wrong. I know best. Everyone else is stupid. I can't rely on anyone else?
Even if you can do everything yourself, better than anyone, having these points of view, will cut off your ability to receive from anyone or anything.
If your point of view is “I don't need anything from anyone,” then that's what you'll create.
So if you'd like to create the things in your life that you've been asking for but have not yet shown up, ask “What am I unwilling to receive?”
Notice what shows up - including somebody else's point of view - then ask "What action could I take?"
How much of what you do everyday is driven by your desire to be acknowledged and validated?
Are you always seeking someone's approval, consciously or unconsciously?
Do you ever get it? Probably not as often as you'd like.
And how often to people shout or laugh at you, telling you you're wrong and a stupid idiot?
And what then? Do you try even harder to be seen?
If this is not fun and you find you're doing things you don't really enjoy, hoping to please someone else, ask“What if I didn't need to prove myself to anyone?”
What if you were absolutely awesome just as you are and did not need anyone else to approve you?
Would that make life easier and more fun?
Some people love to fight. Do you?
Some will fight to the death to prove the rightness of their point of view. Some just like to fight for the fun of it. In either case, will anything you say or do change their mind and stop the fight?
Do you ever see the insanity of an argument and try to stop it or change it with well considered and logical arguments? Does it ever work? Or do you get more frustrated, tangled and drawn into the fight?
If you don't enjoy arguing and would like to move beyond the fight to new possibilities, ask yourself "Is this fight a distraction?" then smile and say “You're right, I'm wrong” three times.
You're not agreeing the other person is right. You're acknowledging their right to their point of view, and you are being in allowance of them not seeing yours.
The words are easy. The energy behind the words might take practice. Saying these words sarcastically or angrily will not work. Your energy must be of complete allowance.
Will they work? Next time someone wants a fight, use them and see. And remember, you can always be grateful for their anger and choose something else.
Has someone been angry with you recently? Call you names for something you said or did?
How did you react? Did you start thinking you were stupid or wrong? Or perhaps you responded with your own anger?
Did any of that work out for you? If not, ask "What about this anger am I grateful for?"
There is always something. For example, what was their anger was trying to do? Control you? Distract you from something? Shut you down? Or maybe it was a mechanism for distracting them from something going on in their world and really had nothing to do with you?
Once you become aware of someone's anger, you can choose to keep it in your life or not. If you would like them in your life you can say "This anger doesn't work for me. Does it work for you? Would you like to change it?"
If they say yes, great, there is an invitation for change. If no, then at least you know and you get to choose for you. If you prefer not to have them in your life, genuinely thank them for their interesting point of view, smile and walk away/hang up/delete/remove them from your contact list.
This question will help you step out of the autopilot of reacting to anger, which will only serve to distract you from creating the life you'd really like.
To change something, first get clear on exactly what you 'd like to change by asking “What is this?”
Next ask “Would I like to change it?” To change something, you must truly desire it and be willing to do whatever it takes.
Then you can ask “If so, how?” Can you change anyone else? No. The only thing you can change is you and your points of view. For example, when friends, family or perfect strangers reprimand you for being a conspiracy theory/government-trusting idiot and that you're WRONG WRONG WRONG to believe the conspiracies/government. Not much fun for you, is it?
So what else is possible? Stop talking to them (no reprimands if there's no contact). Put your own points of view away, push all your barriers down, smile and ask them genuine questions about their points of view (you never know, if you ask the right questions with genuine interest they might learn something new...and so might you).
Or notice your buttons and smile when people push them. Consider your friends, family and even perfect strangers are cute for trying to save you from your idiotic belief in conspiracies/governments, saying “Thanks so much. Tell me more." Then shut up, listen, nod and listen some more till they run out of steam.
Just because you listen to their stories, doesn't mean you have to buy them.
Have you been doing a lot of reading and research lately, trying to make sense of what's going on in the world? Are you seeking the truth about options for you and your family's/community's best health now and into the future?
Do you get excited when you uncover a new piece of information, only to find that your sense of lightness and possibility growing heavy? Have you experienced this light-heavy-light-heavy cycle continuously? Have you gone down a rabbit hole or two hundred?
Remember that what's true for you always makes you lighter and a lie for you always makes you heavy. So what is it when you sense the heaviness of a lie, but it keeps playing on round and round in your head, keeping your attention?
Next time this happens when you read an article, watch a video, or have a conversation with someone, ask yourself "Is this a truth with a lie attached?" If you feel a lightness, then ask "What part of this is true?" (it will feel lighter) and "What part of this is a lie, spoken or unspoken?" (it will feel heavy).
These questions can help you pick your way through the myriad stories on sale without being compressed into a solid block of granite. How light would you be if you could pull apart all the stories with ease and find what's light for you, rather than feeling like you have to buy the whole bundle and then tie yourself up with reasons and justifications for doing so?
Better still, what if next time you find yourself like a stone down a rabbit hole you simply choose lightness? Turn off the trauma and drama, go play with the kids/pets/partner, have a sleep, do some gardening, watch a funny movie, ANYTHING that is light for you.
How much of everything we hear is part true and part a lie? What could you create as your life if you considered it all "an interesting point of view"?
Much gratitude again to Dr Dain Heer for this one.
How often do you limit your choices – before you even consider them – by concluding that other people won't approve? “My husband/wife/partner wouldn't agree”, “My parents wouldn't like it” or even “No one else does that, so what would everyone think of me?”
Worrying about what other people think is one of the main reasons you will give for not doing something.
What if you took other people out of the equation so you could see what you'd really like to choose?
Ask “If other people's points of view weren't real – if everything were just an interesting point of view – what would I choose?”
How many of the world's science, social, cultural and business innovation, and even new lands (you know, the world is no longer flat), came from people doing what they loved and knowing what was right for THEM, no matter what other people thought was real, true, or possible.
What could be possible for you if you listened more to you?
Are you smart? Are you aware of everything going on around you in all time, space and dimensions, seeing connections, pasts and futures that no one else is aware of?
And yet do you find that other people always seem to be talking down to you, explaining and pontificating on things to you, as if you had no idea?
How do you react? Do you nod, smile and think "interesting"? Or do you get annoyed, worked up, and drawn into a meaningless circular argument? Do people ever concede you known what you're talking about?
If not and you'd like greater ease in these situations ask "What if I didn't need to prove I was smart"?
Does trying to prove you're smart mean that you've actually decided you're not? Is that true? Or did you buy that point of view from someone, sometime?
When you try to prove you’re smart, you have to have all the answers. What if your smarts - your awareness - was the thing that could point out where the answers end and the questions begin? What else could be possible then?
Sign up and we'll send you a question every day to crinkle your universe, make your smile, and help keep you in the zone. Why questions? A question will always empower you to see and create more. An answer will only limit you to what you have decided is right.
This is a 100% free service and our gift to you. If you would like to contribute to our work, we are most grateful.
Or search for the topic of your choice in The Q Library. There are 100s of questions here. What would you like to ask about? A relationship? Money? Work? Body? Health? Or life in general? Enter your keyword below and see what shows up!