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What sort of people do you see everyday? Family? Friends? Coworkers? Students? Clients? Shop assistants?
How many of them are fun for you? Do they make you smile and feel great about your day? How many do you let drag you down by listening to their tales of woe? Would you like more fun, light people in your life? If so, ask "What will it take for more fun people to come and play?" When you ask, what comes to mind? Do you think you need to go somewhere else to meet new people? What if all you needed was for YOU to be the difference? What if it were as easy as smiling, listening, and offering a kind word and a giggle here and there? Just because someone was not fun 10 seconds ago, doesn't mean they can't choose it now. Are you willing to show them how easy it can be?
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Do you have someone sick or suffering in your life? Are you surrounded by well meaning family and friends, and highly trained medical professionals all telling you how it's going to get worse and worse?
What happens to plants when you direct negative thoughts, words and actions at them? Science shows us they wither and die. Are people any different? What if rather than contributing like this to someone's deterioration by adding your voice to the throng, you asked the person suffering "What contribution could I be to you?" Then listen and honour the person by being that, even if it's just to hold their hand and smile. You are not expecting a miracle recovery, even if it's possible and could occur. You are honouring the person and offering them energy, space, allowance, and possibility. What different could you be by contributing that? How many relationships do you have? Friends, colleagues, family, a partner?
How are they going? Are you suffering things you'd rather not because you think you have to maintain your relationships? Will that help? Maybe. Maybe not. Is it fun to suffer? Or would you rather enjoy life with other fun people? Are you committed to making your relationships work NO MATTER WHAT, because YOU CAN DO IT and to do otherwise would be to fail? Perhaps you have decided that he/she is The One and your rose-coloured glasses don't allow you to see things as they really are? If you'd like to see you, the other person, and your relationship more clearly ask "What am I pretending not to know?" You already know what will be the greatest contribution to your life; you're just pretending you don't. How many people do you have in your life you want to kill, or at least complain about endlessly? One or two? Or too many to count? When you think about these people do you smile, or frown?
When you see other people frowning, how do you feel? Do you feel happy and energetic, or not so much? What about when people smile at you? How do you feel? Have you ever heard this children's song? When someone smiles at me, I feel like smiling too, When I see someone who is happy, I feel happy too. Does this work? If you'd like to find out, ask "Who can I smile at today?" and start with one person. Then try another, and another, until you smile at everyone. Yes, some of them may think you're insane. And do you really care what they think if you end up happier? Got something going on? Feeling a little down? Do you turn to your family, friends, or insignificant other for comfort, kindness, and a listening ear? Or maybe you share your soul on The Socials?
What do they offer you? Do they tell you what you're doing wrong and how, if you lived you're life like them, everything would be great? Or do they sympathise and help you reinforce your victim status? How is that for you? Does it make you feel better? Are you really looking for answers? Or are you seeking something else? Maybe a hug, a smile, a space to be you? Are you willing to create this for yourself, if no one else will? If so, ask "What will nurture me?" and be/ do/ have that. It could be anything. Blowing off the afternoon to do the thing you love to do to relax and makes you smile. And remember, next time someone comes to YOU like this, ask them "What can I do for you?" then listen, smile, create space, ask more questions, and shut up. Do you find that your work, business, relationships or life in general never quite get to where you'd like them to be? You're talented, diligent, smart, cute, funny, intelligent, well-read, hard-working, kind, understanding and more, but somehow it just isn't happening?
Do you like to do it all yourself, rather than have others help? When others do help, is there a limit to what you will accept? Do you think involving others will weaken your control? Or that if you take too much, someone else will get less? Consider nature. Do plants keep a ledger of how much oxygen and food they gift us? No. They just keep giving. The planet is an infinitely abundant place and keeps creating magically. What if you functioned from abundance, rather than scarcity? Would lifting the limit on what you were willing to receive help expand your work, business, relationships and life possibilities? Like to find out? If so, ask "What if limits weren't real?" Have you ever had a relationship which you knew could be amazing, but it never worked out the way you'd hoped?
You can see how great the other person is, how great you are together, and yet things just keep going haywire, no matter what you do? But you keep trying to make it work, because YOU CAN SEE all the wonderful possibilities? Maybe you've cut off an arm or a leg to fit in with that person? When you did that, did you find they changed the ground rules, and that you had to bend, fold and mutilate yourself in new ways to fit these new rules? Was that fun? Does it work out? If not, ask "What idea have I bought as real?" You may have bought as real the idea that someone is perfect for you. When you do that, will you ever see the reality, or will you only see the idea you have of the person? Just because you can see the amazing potential of and with someone, doesn't mean they will choose it, even if you do. Do you know what you'd really like in life? What you truly desire?
Have you ever allowed yourself to consider it? Or have you always been/ done/ chosen what others have told you is The Right Thing? If your life is not going quite how you'd like it, maybe you've been choosing for others, rather than for you? So how do you know what you'd really like? Easy. Ask"What do I truly desire?" and see what comes to mind. It might not be anything that you've ever acknowledged before. Or maybe you were told it would not be: appropriate/ realistic/ possible/ safe/ healthy/ normal/ sensible/ or any one of 1000s of words people like to use to control you. Are you willing to look at what you'd really like now? Once you can see your true desires, then you can invite them into your life. You just need to ask. How often do you ask for what you'd really like? All the time? Sometimes? Almost never?
And how much of what you'd really like do you have in your life right now? A lot? A little? Almost nothing? Do you see the connection? Don't ask, don't get. What stops you from asking for what you'd like? Do you think that you're being selfish? That there's not enough to go around and you should give up your bit (whatever that is) for someone else? That you don't deserve it? That you don't need to ask for anything from anyone? That people should know what you want? Something else? Are these true? Or are they interesting points of view that you may have bought from someone, sometime? Have you ever heard the axiom: ask and you will receive? Have you ever asked? So if you don't have the life you'd truly like, ask "What if I asked for the life I'd truly like?" Then ask. And receive. How often do you get angry? What makes you angry? How quickly does your anger come to the surface?
Do you think it's wrong? Does the anger envelope you in layers you can't escape? Does it distract you from creating the life you'd like? Rather than considering the anger in itself wrong, what if you asked a question to get clear on what it truly is? For example - Heated Anger can indicate where you are in judgement, rather than interesting point of view - Explosive Anger can show you where you've been suppressing yourself, or - Rising Anger may indicate someone is lying to you. So next time you sense anger on its way, ask yourself "What is this anger?" Then notice what shows up and acknowledge it, breath and ask "What would I like to create?" In doing so you'll be free to choose for you, rather than be in reaction. Of course you can aways play with Potent Anger, which is where you choose to get your point across. Think of this anger as the power you use to stop people blindly walking across the road in front of a truck. Are you stuck in a rut with someone? Your insignificant other? A parent? Your boss? A co-worker? A celebrity or authority figure? Or even a friend?
Do you sense something is not quite right between you and them, and no matter what you do, you can't seem to make it work? What have you decided this person means to you? Have you made them the answer to something? For example, have you made your boy/girlfriend The One? Are your parents proof that you're The Good Child? Is your boss The Enemy around who you rally with your co-workers? Is a co-worker The Unfair Competition to excuse your own uninspired performance? Is the celebrity or authority figure The Hero Coming to Save the Day? Is your friend ...... [fill in their role and it's value here]? If you'd like to be free from these limits and to see people for who they truly are — rather than what you've decided they are -- ask "What have I made this person mean to me?" Then acknowledge it, and say farewell (to the rut). If you'd like to continue having that person in your life, ask another question. Do you find you are often disappointed by the way things turn out? Are you ever let down by what people say or do?
Have you ever tried to explain to someone exactly what behaviour and words would make things work like magic between you? Did they hear you? How often has someone tried to convince you that their point of view is what you really desire? Can you control what other people do in their lives, even in relation to you? No. People will always do exactly what works for them and pay no attention to your point of view. The only thing you can change is you. So if you'd like to be free of feeling disappointed or let down by other people, ask "What expectations do I have here?" When you are clear about your expectations, ask another question, like "If I had no expectations of anything or anyone, what could I change to create the result I'd truly like?" What if creating what you'd like in life was as simple as changing your point of view? Have you ever been told you're too loud, too active, too energetic, too happy, too full of life and could you TURN IT DOWN or PUT A LID ON IT?
Do you feel bad about it? Do you feel wrong? What if there were nothing wrong with you? What if some people simply don't get your energy, your exuberant expression of life? What if your energy and exuberance is an amazing capacity, a phenomenal talent? A gift the world needs? If you'd like to remind yourself that your energy and exuberance is not wrong, and that some people will simply not get you and become angry or annoyed, ask yourself "How many people can I wake up with my exuberance today?" Then smile and dance on. Do you feel that you're not enough? You don't fit in? That you must strive to become something that your parents, teachers, friends, bosses, media, governments or others have told you that you should be?
Certainly you couldn't possibly be enough just as you are! You need to be something better, right? What if there was nothing wrong with you? What if being you -- just as you are -- was exactly right? What if it were more than OK? What if the world actually needs the full range of your talents and abilities that you've been told your whole life were wrong? What would that be like? Do you know? If you'd like to find out, ask "What if being me could change the world?" If you're not clear on who you are, ask "If I were me, who would I be?" and "What's right about me that I'm not getting?" What if you could be you and change the world? What have you decided you don't want in your life? People who lie, cheat and steal? Unreliable and flakey people? Bossy and know-it-all people? What else?
How much energy do you spend judging others in an effort to keep certain people out of your life? Does it ever work? Is it fun for you? Does it expand your life in ways you'd like? If not, rather than judging and excluding, be in allowance and inclusive. When you exclude, you define the limits of what you are willing to receive and shut off your access to infinite possibilities. So when you notice you're trying to avoid someone, ask "What am I excluding here, that if I were to be in allowance of would contribute to my life in ways I can't yet imagine?" Will this put you at the mercy of other people? No. When you are aware and inclusive, you will see what's going on and how to choose the bits that work for you. Be aware that they may end up excluding you from their lives. Why? Some people are only interested in you so long as you're under their control. When things don't work out the way you'd like, what do you do? Do you ask "What's right about this that I'm not getting?" What else is possible?" "Cute, not bright!" and "How does it get any better than this?"
Or do you try to find someone or something to blame? Do others blame you when things don't go right for them? Blame means to find fault with, to hold responsible for, or to condemn as wrong. Is blame real and true? Or is it an interesting point of view based on someone's view of right and wrong? When you buy into the idea that "someone must take the blame" how much trauma and drama comes your way? How much energy do you spend excusing, defending or deflecting the blame? Is that fun? If not, and you'd like to be free from the control of distractors like this, ask "Is this blame distracting me from creating the life I'd truly like?" What title have you decided you must have to be valued? Girlfriend/ boyfriend? Husband/ wife? Mother/ father? Community leader? Volunteer? Best friend? Executive? Director? CEO? Master chef? Business person of the year? Dux? No. 1? Sir? Ma'am? Professor? Cool dude? What other title do you value?
Will a title make you into the person you'd like to be? Does not having it make you less? Or do you create you, regardless -- and often in spite of -- your title and other people's opinions? When someone gives you a title do you automatically become that? Have you ever had a boss/ friend/ partner who wasn't that? Did their titles automatically make them what you desired? And what if by accepting a title you limited yourself to what other people decided was right/ wrong good/ bad for that role, which may not work for you? What if even without any title, you were an amazing gift to the world? So ask "What title am I limiting myself to, that if I didn't, would allow me to see and create the life I truly desire?" What gift could you be if you chose for you, beyond the limits of any title? Are you in a relationship? How's it going? Perhaps you're looking to change an existing one, or create a new one?
Start by getting clear on your definition. What words do you use to describe your preferred one? Honour, trust, vulnerability, gratitude, allowance, gift/receive, communion, contribution, generative, generosity of spirit, joy, fun, freedom? Words like serious, promise, love, commitment, respect, responsibility, give/take, protect, maintain, keep, right/wrong, meaningful, obligation, security, compromise? Or perhaps others? Which words feel light? Which feel heavy? There is no correct answer, just an awareness of your preferences. If you don't have the relationship you'd like now, you may be using a definition that doesn't match what you truly desire. So get clear and create what you'd like, rather than what others tell you is right, ask "What does relationship mean to me" How much of the world is focused on brain power? What did you study? Where you studied? What are your qualifications?
Do you feel inadequate, that you're not smart enough, quick enough, or that you don't have enough information packed into your little grey cells? Have you decided you need to spend all day/week/year/rest of your life in the library or on the internet sucking up more? Does your brain hold the answers to your life? Or is your brain just one part of you? Does what you're seeking lie somewhere else? Have you considered that if your brain really had the power to figure out your life, wouldn't it have done so already? If so, and you'd like to access more of what you already know, ask "If I didn’t think, what would I know?" What do you already know? What if a brain was a wonderful thing to waste? Are you compelled to always try your hardest to win, be right, better than, or different to anyone else? Or at least not to appear to lose or to be wrong?
How's that working for you? Is it fun? Or do you feel trapped in a race for which you don't seem equipped and are never enough? Are you frozen by the fear of failure? Do you become depressed when you don't meet other people's standards or expectations? Are you the same as anyone else? No. So how can an apple and a nightingale compete? Only by both becoming something else that they're not. So if you feel limited, frustrated, frozen or depressed by the rules of a race that doesn't exist ask "What's the value of competition?" Then ask "What is the greatest contribution I can be to my life, family, business and communities?" That's the generative kind of competition, which is all about being more of you. Do you get how amazing you are?
Do you think you're at best, just not good enough, and at worst, a hopeless, lost, good-for-nothing pile of rubbish? Is that your point of view or someone else's? If you're not clear, ask "When did I buy the point of view that I was no good?" Then return that point of view to sender -- to your mum? your dad? a teacher? the school bully? a friend? -- with consciousness. When if there were nothing wrong with you? What's right about you that you're not getting? What if you were just different and amazing in ways that other people simply don't yet get? What have you made the answer to your life?
Relationship? "When I find The One I'll be happy" Money? "When I have $XXX in the bank I'll be secure" Work? "When I get that job my parents will see I'm successful" Happiness? "When people admire my work I'll feel respected" Will these things in themselves make you feel happy, secure, validated or successful? Or does your point of view create your reality? If you didn't have the point of view you lacked something, would you feel dissatisfied and unhappy? So when you're feeling less than, or dissatisfied with your life as it is, and you hear yourself repeating "When I have X, I'll be Y" or "If only I had X, I'd be Y" ask "What am I making having X about?" Then notice what the real target of your desire (Y) is and ask "What will it take to be Y now?" Got clutter in your life? Are some things - work tasks, relationships, or actual stuff in the corner - piling up and weighing you down?
How often do you have on to habits, people and things, that you know deep down you'd really rather let go? How much of your must-hang-onto-this comes from what you think other people will say? Obligations you imagine you have that may not be true? What if you delegated the task? What if you created space in your life for people who made you smile? What if you reintroduced yourself to the corners of your house? What could you create as your life if you no longer cluing to things that you don't truly desire? If you'd like to de-clutter and create more space, ask "I am hanging on to this for what reason?" If it feels light to let it go, thank it and send it off on a new adventure with consciousness. Do you ever get stuck on something that happened in your past, no matter if it was yesterday, last week, last year, or 50 years ago? Do you ever hear yourself saying "If only A, B, C hadn't happened, I'd have been X, Y, Z better off"?
Does that help you? When you have that conversation with yourself, do you feel lighter, or heavier? Does regretting, blaming or shaming your past help you create the life you'd like now? And truth, can you ever change your past? If you'd like to be free of the concrete shoes you've made for yourself, ask "What if there were nothing wrong with my past?" What if everything you have ever been, done, said, worn, studied, worked, loved, hated has been exactly right to create the you you are now? Then ask "Am I willing it let it go and ask what would I like to create as my life and living now?" Then listen to yourself and ask "What action can I take?" What does success mean to you? Getting into that school? Getting that job? Or that person? Or that house? Having a cool sports car? Or a millions dollars in the bank? Or a beach view apartment? Or an impressive title?
Nothing wrong with having a clear idea about what would be fun for you. The question is, did you select these things because they would be fun for you? Or did you select these things because you decided - or someone else told you - that they would show other people you were successful? And that until you had those things, you must work long and hard, and make sacrifices, including not doing the things you really enjoy? If you're not enjoying life right now, ask "How have I defined success?" and get clear on what is driving you. What if you drove yourself and defined success in ways that worked for you? For example, "What will it take for me to bounce out of bed every morning, smiling and inspired by everything I do and everyone I meet?" You can of course add "...with some fun, cool wheels to get me around, or something greater?" |
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