Have you ever had a moment's peace in your life? When your life seem to be coasting along nicely?
Have you had times when you thought all your problems were just about to come to an end, and then something else happened? Do you scratch your head and say "My troubles just never seem to end?" or "If it's not one headache, it's another?"
Here's a different question. Do you bore easily? Do you always like to have a few — hundred — things going on? Nothing wrong with that. With ten fingers and toes, you can do at least 20 things at once brilliantly, right?
Have you decided that you'd rather have problems to solve than nothing to do?
If this feels light, ask "What part of this have I created to keep myself entertained?" Then ask "What fun, generative and rewarding things could I create instead?"
Have you ever had something go majorly "wrong" in life? What you'd call a "disaster"?
Like a leaking underground water pipe that rang up a ten thousand dollar bill without you knowing, only then to cost you a few more thousand to dig out and replace? Like failing an interview or exam that was going to make or break your life? Or twisting your ankle in the final of your own Olympic equivalent? What was your disaster?
Look now at your current situation. What is your "disaster?" Having your business shut down over night by the government, with no clear idea about when it could re-open? Being shut off from your friends and family, unable to move freely until you-don't-know-when? What else?
Is a disaster what happens, or is it how you receive what happens?
If you'd prefer not to suffer, but rather be aware of how you can harness change — even dramatic sudden change — to create new preferred possibilities, ask "What if this is better than I can imagine?"
Then with no expectation, keep smiling and breathing and ask another question. You never know what you can create until you ask. And at the very least, your smile will side-step stress and frown lines.
You're smart, you work hard, you got good grades at school, you help your family nicely, you've got a great job, everyone says your partner is perfect, your kids are healthy and happy, you've got enough money, a nice place to live, a sexy car, some good investments, and enviable mini-breaks and maxi get-aways a few times a year.
Your life is perfect. And even if you can only claim one or two of these things, you're doing pretty well, right?
So what do you do if you have all these things, and yet somehow feel something is missing?
There is nothing wrong with these things. They can certainly be fun. So if you have all of these things — or more! — and you're not having fun, perhaps you've made them mean something they're not?
If so, ask "What have I misidentified as living?"
What if you could enjoy these things as well as create your life the way you'd like? How? Ask another question.
How much time do you spend second guessing whether you'll fail at something or not? Do you say "I'd like to do it, but I probably won't be any good" or "I'll give it a go, but I'm sure I won't do very well?" Some of this may be because you think you shouldn't big-note yourself.
How much of it do you end up believing?
There is nothing wrong with this point of view. Be aware, that your point of view creates your reality. So if you think you'll be no good, then you're absolutely correct.
If you'd like to create a different reality — an expansive, can-do reality full of possibility, then start with a different point of view. Start by asking "What if success were the only option?"
What is the definintion of success? That's up to you. How have you defined success? What if by being clear on what you'd truly like as your life and living, then success IS the only option?
How's business? Do you consider it a serious matter? That you should focus your furrowed brow on developing detailed, complicated and very important strategic plans? When you think about it, do you smile or frown?
If you're the frowner, do you think that's how it's supposed to be? That it's wrong to show that you enjoy business, or that doing things elegantly—getting the best result for the least effort—is somehow being flippant, cheating, or not serious enough?
Would you like to enjoy business more and get better results more easily? If so, start by giving up all the fixed points of view about it and ask "What if happiness were good for business?"
Are you willing to enjoy every moment of your business AND get results? It's possible you know. People create huge income from doing things they enjoy all the time. How? They choose to do things they enjoy.
Happiness is just a choice and a smile is very good for business.
What do you think you can't do? Speak publicly? Learn another language? Speak publicly in another language? Run a business? Lead a team? Understand the law? Change things that are not working for you? Trust what you know in the face of opposition?
Do you tell yourself you're afraid of something? Making a mistake? People laughing at you? Failure? Ruining your life forever and dying alone and poor?
Is any of that true? Or are they all just interesting points of view you bought from someone, somewhere, sometime?
It doesn't matter where your points of view came from, how well do they serve you? Do they help you create the life you'd really like? If not, ask "What's the value of saying I can't do it?"
If there's no value, you are hanging on to that point of view for what reason? What if instead you asked another questions, like "What will it take for me to do this with ease?"
What sort of people do you see everyday? Family? Friends? Coworkers? Students? Clients? Shop assistants?
How many of them are fun for you? Do they make you smile and feel great about your day? How many do you let drag you down by listening to their tales of woe?
Would you like more fun, light people in your life? If so, ask "What will it take for more fun people to come and play?"
When you ask, what comes to mind? Do you think you need to go somewhere else to meet new people?
What if all you needed was for YOU to be the difference? What if it were as easy as smiling, listening, and offering a kind word and a giggle here and there?
Just because someone was not fun 10 seconds ago, doesn't mean they can't choose it now. Are you willing to show them how easy it can be?
Do you have someone sick or suffering in your life? Are you surrounded by well meaning family and friends, and highly trained medical professionals all telling you how it's going to get worse and worse?
What happens to plants when you direct negative thoughts, words and actions at them? Science shows us they wither and die. Are people any different?
What if rather than contributing like this to someone's deterioration by adding your voice to the throng, you asked the person suffering "What contribution could I be to you?" Then listen and honour the person by being that, even if it's just to hold their hand and smile.
You are not expecting a miracle recovery, even if it's possible and could occur. You are honouring the person and offering them energy, space, allowance, and possibility.
What different could you be by contributing that?
How many relationships do you have? Friends, colleagues, family, a partner?
How are they going? Are you suffering things you'd rather not because you think you have to maintain your relationships?
Will that help? Maybe. Maybe not. Is it fun to suffer? Or would you rather enjoy life with other fun people?
Are you committed to making your relationships work NO MATTER WHAT, because YOU CAN DO IT and to do otherwise would be to fail? Perhaps you have decided that he/she is The One and your rose-coloured glasses don't allow you to see things as they really are?
If you'd like to see you, the other person, and your relationship more clearly ask "What am I pretending not to know?"
You already know what will be the greatest contribution to your life; you're just pretending you don't.
What fixed points of view do you have about who and what you have to be/ do/ have/ think in life?
For example, I have to get married because my mother expects it. I can't take a year off school to travel because my father wouldn't like it. I have to get into that organisation because otherwise I'll be a failure. I have to cook dinner every night otherwise I'll be a bad parent. I can't be nice because the tough kids will make fun of me. I can't speak my mind because people will call me a "Karen." I have to believe everything other people tell me or I'll have no friends.
Do you spend all your energy, time and money on this hamster wheel? Is it fun? Does it create the happiness you'd like?
If not, ask "What could be possible if I changed my point of view?"
What if every "I have to" and "I can't" were just points of view that you could change? What point of view would you start with?
How many people do you have in your life you want to kill, or at least complain about endlessly? One or two? Or too many to count? When you think about these people do you smile, or frown?
When you see other people frowning, how do you feel? Do you feel happy and energetic, or not so much? What about when people smile at you? How do you feel?
Have you ever heard this children's song?
When someone smiles at me,
I feel like smiling too,
When I see someone who is happy,
I feel happy too.
Does this work? If you'd like to find out, ask "Who can I smile at today?" and start with one person. Then try another, and another, until you smile at everyone.
Yes, some of them may think you're insane. And do you really care what they think if you end up happier?
Are you happy with life? It's okay to say you are. But you probably can't, or won't admit it, right?
What is that? When did you decide that you couldn't be happy and had to be dissatisfied and complain about life?
Would you like to have more happiness in life? Will moaning and groaning create it? Or will choosing to be happy create it?
If you'd like to find out, ask "What can I smile about today?" and then SMILE and smile some more.
You may only find one thing to start with. A really great cup of coffee. A break in the traffic. A clear blue sky. So SMILE.
You can also smile at the not-so-great stuff. Illogically restrictive regulations. SMILE. Unable to see family or friends. SMILE. Lost your job. SMILE.
After a while, like magic, your sense of happiness will expand and you'll see more and more great stuff in life. Previously unthought of possibilities emerging like new grown weeds from a scorched earth.
You may even infect others with your choice to choose happiness, and would that be something to smile about?
How often do you feel swept away by the stream of people's trauma and drama? Dragged over the rapids and smashed against the rocks?
Or perhaps you're the salmon diligently swimming upstream, against the flow?
What if instead, you were the rock in the stream, allowing the water to pass one way and the salmon to pass the other?
What if you could see it all, without being the effect of it, so that you could choose what worked for you?
This is allowance, and questions will enable you to be in that state.
Like to be the rock? Ask yourself "What if I be the question?"
Got something going on? Feeling a little down? Do you turn to your family, friends, or insignificant other for comfort, kindness, and a listening ear? Or maybe you share your soul on The Socials?
What do they offer you? Do they tell you what you're doing wrong and how, if you lived you're life like them, everything would be great? Or do they sympathise and help you reinforce your victim status?
How is that for you? Does it make you feel better?
Are you really looking for answers? Or are you seeking something else? Maybe a hug, a smile, a space to be you?
Are you willing to create this for yourself, if no one else will? If so, ask "What will nurture me?" and be/ do/ have that. It could be anything. Blowing off the afternoon to do the thing you love to do to relax and makes you smile.
And remember, next time someone comes to YOU like this, ask them "What can I do for you?" then listen, smile, create space, ask more questions, and shut up.
Do you find that your work, business, relationships or life in general never quite get to where you'd like them to be? You're talented, diligent, smart, cute, funny, intelligent, well-read, hard-working, kind, understanding and more, but somehow it just isn't happening?
Do you like to do it all yourself, rather than have others help? When others do help, is there a limit to what you will accept? Do you think involving others will weaken your control? Or that if you take too much, someone else will get less?
Consider nature. Do plants keep a ledger of how much oxygen and food they gift us? No. They just keep giving. The planet is an infinitely abundant place and keeps creating magically.
What if you functioned from abundance, rather than scarcity? Would lifting the limit on what you were willing to receive help expand your work, business, relationships and life possibilities?
Like to find out? If so, ask "What if limits weren't real?"
Have you ever had a relationship which you knew could be amazing, but it never worked out the way you'd hoped?
You can see how great the other person is, how great you are together, and yet things just keep going haywire, no matter what you do? But you keep trying to make it work, because YOU CAN SEE all the wonderful possibilities?
Do you cut off an arm or a leg to fit in with that person? When you do that, do you find they've changed the ground rules, and you have to bend, fold and mutilate yourself in new ways to fit these new rules?
Is that fun? Does it work out?
If not, ask "What idea have I bought as real?" You may have bought as real the idea that someone is perfect for you. And if you have, will you see the reality, or your idea of the person?
Just because you can see the amazing potential of and with someone, doesn't mean they will choose it, even if you do.
What does your life feel like right now? Light? Heavy? Fun? Serious? Energetic? Lethargic? Joyous? Miserable? Frivolous? Exhausting? Add your own words, image or feelings to describe your life as it is now.
Got them? Sometimes it helps to close your eyes to do it.
Now ask yourself "Is this the life I truly desire?"
If your life is not exactly what you'd like, then do it again, first asking "If time, money and other people's points of view weren't real, what would I choose for my life, living and reality?"
Now get a sense of the energy of the life you'd truly like. Add words, images, smells, feelings, sensations too if that helps.
Are two images the same, or different?
What if you carried with you the energy of the life you'd truly like, and chose consciously people and things that matched it, regardless of your normal logical pros and cons?
Could that make it easier for you to create the life you'd truly like?
How often do you get angry? What makes you angry? How quickly does your anger come to the surface?
Do you think it's wrong? Does the anger envelope you in layers you can't escape? Does it distract you from creating the life you'd like?
Rather than considering the anger in itself wrong, what if you asked a question to get clear on what it truly is? For example
- Heated Anger can indicate where you are in judgement, rather than interesting point of view
- Explosive Anger can show you where you've been suppressing yourself, or
- Rising Anger may indicate someone is lying to you.
So next time you sense anger on its way, ask yourself "What is this anger?" Then notice what shows up and acknowledge it, breath and ask "What would I like to create?"
In doing so you'll be free to choose for you, rather than be in reaction.
Of course you can aways play with Potent Anger, which is where you choose to get your point across. Think of this anger as the power you use to stop people blindly walking across the road in front of a truck.
Are you stuck in a rut with someone? Your insignificant other? A parent? Your boss? A co-worker? A celebrity or authority figure? Or even a friend?
Do you sense something is not quite right between you and them, and no matter what you do, you can't seem to make it work?
What have you decided this person means to you? Have you made them the answer to something?
For example, have you made your boy/girlfriend The One? Are your parents proof that you're The Good Child? Is your boss The Enemy around who you rally with your co-workers? Is a co-worker The Unfair Competition to excuse your own uninspired performance? Is the celebrity or authority figure The Hero Coming to Save the Day? Is your friend [__________ fill in their role and it's value here]?
If you'd like to be free from these limits and to see people for who they truly are — rather than what you've decided they are — ask "What have I made this person mean to me?"
Then acknowledge it, and say farewell (to the rut).
If you'd like to continue having that person in your life, ask another question.
Do you ever blame other people or circumstances for things that don't work out in your life?
Does it make you feel better and help you create the life you'd actually like? Or does it side-track you into an Alice-in-Wonderland like maze of distraction?
If you'd like to create the life you'd like, acknowledge your role as creator of everything that shows up in it.
How? For every good, bad, ugly, beautiful thing that shows up in it, ask "How did I create this?"
It'll be easy for the good, beautiful things. What about the bad, ugly things?
What if by taking ownership of everything in your life, you gained clarity over how you created it? Then, if it doesn't work for you (bad/ugly), you can see how to create it differently.
How? Ask questions.
Do you find you are often disappointed by the way things turn out? Are you ever let down by what people say or do?
Have you ever tried to explain to someone exactly what behaviour and words would make things work like magic between you? Did they hear you? How often has someone tried to convince you that their point of view is what you really desire?
Can you control what other people do in their lives, even in relation to you? No. People will always do exactly what works for them and pay no attention to your point of view.
The only thing you can change is you. So if you'd like to be free of feeling disappointed or let down by other people, ask "What expectations do I have here?"
When you are clear about your expectations, ask another question, like "If I had no expectations of anything or anyone, what could I change to create the result I'd truly like?"
What if creating what you'd like in life was as simple as changing your point of view?
Have you ever been told you're too loud, too active, too energetic, too happy, too full of life and could you TURN IT DOWN or PUT A LID ON IT?
Do you feel bad about it? Do you feel wrong?
What if there were nothing wrong with you?
What if some people simply don't get your energy, your exuberant expression of life?
What if your energy and exuberance is an amazing capacity, a phenomenal talent? A gift the world needs?
If you'd like to remind yourself that your energy and exuberance is not wrong, and that some people will simply not get you and become angry or annoyed, ask "How many people can I wake up with my exuberance today?"
Then smile and dance on.
How often do you get stuck in life? A lot, a little or not at all? Do you ever get into a cranky pants rage or spiral into a frenzy of anxiety? Is that fun for you?
If not, and you'd prefer to have total freedom to see and walk around such roadblocks — to be able to change anything that's not working for you in life — start by asking one of these questions.
1. What if I had infinite, free choice?
2. What if everything were just an interesting point of view?
3. If I had 10 second to choose the rest of my life, what would I choose?
4. What question could I ask?
5. What if form and structure had no significance?
6. Am I in judgement?
7. What does this add to my life?
8. What's the value of competition?
9. What if I didn't buy the story?
10. What am I excluding here?
The reality is, you always have choice.
Is your life full of ease, joy and abundance?
Not so much? No surprise given how many people seem to enjoy telling you that life must be hard, no fun, and a knock-down-drag-out fight to the death for scarce and dwindling resources. Not to mention the Fear and Terror of The Plague.
What if that were not true? If you'd like to find out what else is possible, add this daily mantra to your wake-up routine.
"All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory."
Saying this will remind you that how you function in life is your choice. And, if you choose, you can function from ease and joy and glory (exuberant expression and abundance) no matter what is going on.
Even when "things go wrong" you can experience them with ease and create any change you desire.
It's all of life, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Everything is included and nothing as to be a difficulty.
The reality is, you always have a choice.
Do you feel that you're not enough? You don't fit in? That you must strive to become something that your parents, teachers, friends, bosses, The Media, The Government or others have told you that you should be?
Certainly you couldn't possibly be enough just as you are! You need to be something better, right?
What if there was nothing wrong with you? What if being you — just as you are — was exactly right?
What if it were more than OK? What if the world actually needs the full range of your talents and abilities that you've been told your whole life were wrong?
What would that be like? Do you know? If you'd like to find out, ask "What if being me could change the world?"
If you're not clear on who you are, ask "If I were me, who would I be?" and "What's right about me that I'm not getting?"
What if you could be you and change the world?
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