Always feeling down? Can't seem to shift the blues?
Perhaps there something about being sad that actually works for you?
It may help you fit in with others around you. It may deliver attention you crave. Or it may simply fill in your emptiness and distract you from the rest of life.
This is not wrong and you are welcome to keep sadness if it truly works for you.
If it doesn't and you'd rather be happy, then know you can ask for it.
Until you ask a question you may simply not be aware that somewhere, somehow you value sadness, for whatever reason.
Are you ready for change? Then ask "What value does sadness have to me?"
Feeling down? Got a long list of reasons why the world sucks and your life is no good?
Sure, it's easy to get that way. No work. No money. No freedom. Stress levels are high. This is how much of the world is functioning: default to fear and worry.
Would you like to default differently?
Then choose to be happy.
What if it really were that simple?
Ask “What if happiness were just a choice?” and smile.
What can you do when things go 'wrong'? Ask another question like “What's right about this that I'm not getting” or even better "What's funny about this that I'm not getting?" and smile again.
What if your smile alone invited others to a different default?
Are you feeling ill or exhausted? Do you have aches and pains that baffle the doctors? Baffle you?
Before you start on a carousel of drug-taking to see if you can alleviate the symptoms, ask “What am I sick and tired of?”
Maybe it's doom and gloom stories in the media? Not being able to visit or hug loved ones? Or being told what to do but your own questions and points of view are censored. Or something else like housework/home schooling/working from home/add your own thing here [______].
Whatever that is for you, when you think of it and groan and slump, worry and fear, or stress and sweat ask “What else is possible?” and “Can I change this? If so, how?”
Perhaps simply choose not to listen to/switch off/walk away from the stories? Or ask "What information do I need?" and "What action can I take?" - repeat - until you no longer feel sick and tired.
What if your body's discomfort was it screaming at you to change something and create a new life, greater than you could have imagined?
Suffering? In pain? Frustrated? Someone doing you wrong? Rather than going into the no good, wrong, trauma and drama default, ask “What's funny about this I'm not getting?”
For example, have you ever tried to tell someone something SO AMAZING that you had just found out and that had changed your life, and you just wanted to tell everyone because you knew it would change their lives too...? Did they call you a looney and laugh at you? Did you try every-which-way to explain, again and again, until you started doubting yourself?
What if instead of making yourself wrong, you laughed at yourself being hung out to dry like a rubber chicken? What's funny? Um rubber chicken...I mean a rubber chicken says nothing and makes people laugh.
Or maybe you're in a relationship that's on a wash cycle of wring-your-heart-dry? What's funny about that? Gotta be something. Even if it's to laugh at yourself for pushing the same old wring-me-out-now button and expecting a different result.
Cute, Not Bright.
What's great about laughing? It boosts your oxygen and feel-good body bits and kicks you out of the self-pity spiral. And did you know that joy and happiness can be *infectious*?
Then when you've done, or while you're still laughing, you get to make another choice. Are you willing to see more of life's funny side and choose for you?
Do you sometimes do things that, well, just don't work out? In fact, you create complete rubbish?
When you do this, do you default to how bad, wrong, terrible and awful you are? Yes, you're a failure, just like they always said you were.
How does that feel? Does it help you at all?
Probably not. So what if instead, you acknowledged that you can be an awesome creator of rubbish.
Say “Gee, I'm cute, but not bright!” Then laugh and ask “What's right about this I'm not getting?” and “What else is possible?”
If you can create magnificent rubbish, you can undoubtedly create magnificent magnificence too. You just have to ask and take notice.
What's the value of making yourself wrong anyway?
It's much more fun to be Cute Not Bright.
Are you frustrated or upset by anyone in your life? Is someone driving you crazy? Are they too loud, too bossy, too flaky, too up-down-turn-around, too [fill in your pet peeve here ___________________________].
Would you like more ease in your life when you're around them (assuming you have to, or would like to be around them)?
If so, ask “What am I grateful to them for?” and acknowledge them for that.
There will always be at least one thing, if not more. Parents who drive you nuts, and are always there to help you with your kids. A friend who is predictably unpredictable, and has shown you people function differently. A lover who picks insane fights, and is great at....um....other things.
When you acknowledge someone for who they are, and are grateful for their great bits, you are free and empowered to make the most of the great bits, without being at the effect of the rest.
If you have something in your life you've been trying to change continually to no effect, ask "What do I love about this?"
How willing are you to change or let go of things you love? Not much? Not at all?
Are you ever distracted by a fear that you will never have it again (for example, a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all)?
When something is not working for you, first get clear on what parts of it you love.
Then you can ask other questions like "What would it take for me to find something else that would be an even greater contribution to my life?" and "What would it take for the parts of this that are not working for me, to change into something greater than I could imagine?"
When you become clear what you love about something -- and are willing to let it go, or demand that it change -- you will no longer be weighed down by it.
Instead, you will have the freedom to choose it, or not choose it. The reality is, you always have choice.
Something not working in your life? Feeling unhappy or stuck? Do you see yourself as a victim and without hope? Do you think you're hard up and done over by someone?
Are these points of view limiting you, preventing you from creating the life you'd really like? Would you like to change?
People stay in the role of the mournful victim all the time because it has some value for them.
For example, it gives them the attention they desire, it's comfortable, they've decided it's the only way of getting out of something they'd rather not do, in the hope that it will force someone else to behave differently, and many more reasons they've decided are valuable to them.
On the other hand, some people simply don't realize they have the choice to change.
Was that you? Now you know you can choose, would you like to? If so ask “What's the value of hanging on to this?” If it has no value, you would hang on to it for what reason?
The reality is, you always have choice.
How often do you limit your choices, before you even consider them, by deciding you don't have the time or the money?
Time and money are two reasons (excuses) people will always give for not doing something. What if you took them out of the equation so you could see what you'd really like to choose?
To find out, ask “If time and money weren't the issue, what would I choose?” Once you are clear on your true desire, you can ask other questions to make it happen, for example
Do you find you other people are always telling you what to do, things that you'd rather not do, and convince you to give up the things you prefer?
Other people will always try to get you to do things, using obligation and guilt to control you. Why? It makes their lives easier, and you usually do what they tell you to, so why not?
Listening to other people's points of view can be useful. You can learn a great deal. And did you know that when you don't feel light and wonderful about a request or demand, you don't have to do it?
Next time someone asks/tells you to do something, ask yourself "Does this work for me?" If you feel a heaviness, smile and with a light, joyful energy say “Thank you so much for thinking of me! I'm sorry. That doesn't work for me right now.”
Then smile again and change the subject. You are stating a fact about which no one can argue. Don't offer a reason or excuse; these only allow the conversation to continue.
If people push you, smile again and say “I'm sorry it doesn't work for me. It's an interesting idea and I'm sure other people will be keen." And if that still doesn't work, smile and walk away/hang up/delete/block/ whatever it takes until your lightness returns.
What do you do when things don't fit into the form and structure you've decided your life must have? When things vary or change? Like now, for example. Old normal gone. Enter "new normal."
Do you say “Oh that's interesting. It's different! It's something I never thought about! I wonder how much fun we can have? I wonder what new better and beyond normal can I help create?”
Or do you react with upset and say “This is strange/crazy/stupid. If they only did it this way life would be better! OMG how can I put up with this?”
How much stress or unhappiness do you have because you've decided things have to be a particular way?
If you'd like less stress and more happiness in your life, ask "What if form and structure had no significance?" Then
How? Ask more questions. There's a bunch here www.thedailyq.co you can start with.
What if your body was a whole lot smarter than you ever gave it credit for? What if its aches and pains were telling you much more than what vitamins and minerals you need? You know the feeling of heartbreak? It's a very real physical ache. People have died from it. What about other physical symptoms? Find out by asking“Body, who or what
Do you like helping people? Is is important to you? What is it about helping people you enjoy? Do you feel worthy? Does it make you feel valued and valuable? Do you want to save them from something?
What don't you enjoy? Are you frustrated when you give your best to someone but they don't seem to want it or appreciate it? Are you shocked or saddened when friends and family get angry or upset at you when you're simply trying to help them?
Do you find that no matter how much you help people, some simply never seem to change?
There is nothing wrong with wanting to help people. It's awesome. Empowering people to know they can change anything in their lives is a gift.
Just know that even when you do your best, people will choose what they choose, and it's got nothing to do with you.
People choose what they do because somewhere, somehow, they like it.
If you'd like to get clear about why and how you can help people with greater ease ask “What's the value of helping people?”
What if rather than being distracted by trying to help people who simply don't want your help, you asked "What other action could I take to create the changes I'd like?"
How much do you put off doing? How much do you not do all because you think you won't succeed? How often do you end up doing something less than you'd like as a result?
What do hesitation and fear contribute to your life? Is there any value in having them?
Or are they simply distractors that keep you from creating what you'd truly like?
If you'd like to be free from their control to create the relationships, work, business, life and change you'd really like, ask “What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?”
This will clear such distractors so you see what you'd really like to choose. Then ask "What action can I take?"
Are you willing to have that much freedom?
One of the greatest limitations in work, business and life in general is when you decide something is right, best or perfect.
The right subject to study, the right school, the right career, the right job, right person for the job, the right product, the right strategy. The One.
Why? It stops you looking for anything greater and blinds you to other possibilities.
So even if you think your work, business, relationship, strategy or life is ticking along very nicely now, and you don't feel stuck or limited by anything, ask “If I didn't do it this way, what other ways could I do it?”
This is an invitation for greater awareness. Especially if you're in the business of change. Questioning the people and strategies you think are the answer, can make you an industry leader and innovator.
And if you do end up choosing to do things the same way as before with the same people, it will be because that is still the most generative option. Not because you were stuck in a rut or blinded.
How often have you shared your excitement with someone about something you've recently discovered, only to have them pour cold water over you saying things like “Really? You do know that's crazy...?” or “You did what? Don't you know it's not going to work because of A, B C...Z?”, and even “OMG how stupid could you be???!!!”
How was that? Not much fun? What happened to your excitement and joy? Did you start doubting yourself, thinking that you really must be stupid? And definitely wrong?
Just because someone else doesn't get it, doesn't mean you don't. What if you knew a whole lot more than most people?
At least you know what's right and light for you. How would anyone else know that? So when you are enjoying yourself or have a great new idea, remind yourself you know that you know. And say “Just for me, just for fun, never tell anyone.”
And if you do share your joy with someone and they don't get it, smile and thank them for their “interesting point of view.”
Then return to your fun and excitement. What if that could change the world?
Do you feel your life is too full, too busy? Are you overwhelmed with all the things you have to do? Or perhaps it bores you?
Do you assume that to make life easier you need to eliminate something? How often do you start by cutting out the things you enjoy, to do something for someone else?
Rather than assume you need to do more with less, that you can't afford something, that no one will help you, and you certainly shouldn't enjoy yourself when “things need to be done,” start by asking “What else could I add to my life?”
For example, what if you added a partner, assistant, cleaner, driver, advisor, or asked your spouse, children, parents, friends, employees, boss to do more (or something!)?
Perhaps you've started a new project, or have a new target you'd like to reach (or surpass!?). What information/joy/playfulness/support/else could you add to your life to help generate this with ease, or something greater?
What if simply sprinkling a smile here and there throughout your day created more than you could possibly imagine?
Are you stuck? Has something or someone gone funky (just saying...)? Or perhaps you'd just like to generate more great stuff in your life?
Whenever and whatever you'd like to create change, start by asking a question.
Why? A question will invite you to see something you might not have been able (or willing) to see before and empower you.
An answer, decision, conclusion, or judgement will serve only to limit your field of vision and disempower you.
That's the aim of this service. So you'll have a bunch of the simplest, most effective questions within easy reach.
So today's question is for when you have a brain freeze and can't think of a question.
Ask “What question could I be asking here?”
It's so simple it might even make you smile, which is always good too.
Do you ever ask this question? Or do you usually wake up and think “How much do I have to get done today?”
Have you ever noticed that no matter how much you do get done, your To Do list never ends?
How does that feel? Light and breezy, or like a dead weight on your back?
What if you could create everything in your life – including all the normal day-to-day stuff like vacuuming, homeschooling the kids, or lobbying your elected representatives – and have fun at the same time?
You won't know till you ask for it, so start by asking “How much fun can I have today?”
What if by enjoying every moment of your life you could get more done than you'd ever imagined, and faster?
How much fun would that be? What if happiness was just a choice?
Do you know people who sometimes say or do not-so-nice things. Maybe you have some in your social media comments feed right now?
Does this upset you and leave you scratching your head, wondering why they would do or say that? Does it distract you from what you'd rather be doing?
Are they an ELF or a rattlesnake? An ELF is an evil little freak (or other word starting with F) who simply enjoys being mean for fun. A rattlesnake is designed by nature to bite you when it feels threatened. That's just what they are.
When you make them wrong and get sucked into the trauma and drama of what they do, they are controlling your life.
As long as you see them for what they are, in total allowance, you are empowered. Total allowance means you appreciate them as an ELF or rattlesnake. That's just who they are. Then you are free to enjoy their great parts.
So when people like this show up in your life, ask (silently) “Truth, is this an ELF or a rattlesnake?”
This will remind you that no matter what they say or do, it has nothing to do with you, and you don't need to buy it as real.
And remember, you when you recognise them, you can also choose to smile and walk away/hang up/delete/remove them from your life.
Got problems? Do you like them? Does it give you something to chat about with your friends, a puzzle to solve?
What if you didn't have problems?
What could you enjoy using the time and energy you now pour into problem solving?
If you'd like to find out, ask “What have I decided is a problem, which if I looked at it differently is something to be thankful for?”
For example, rather than being upset that you have to work from home, be grateful you're getting paid to work in your PJs. Rather than be frustrated about home schooling your kids, be grateful you can create a special time together before they grow up and never want to see you again. Rather than be angered that authorities are limiting your choices, be grateful for the chance to find out what really matters to you. Rather than wallowing in victimhood, be grateful that you still have choices and can create the world you'd really like if you choose.
So next time you find yourself complaining about something weighing you down, rather than trying to fix the problem (make it a better problem?), what if you looked at it differently and transformed it into something else?
How? Next question: "What action can I take?"
Have you ever noticed that you're a little too smart or too fast for most people? What you get in a heartbeat, others can take minutes or even years to get, if ever?
Sometimes it's most effective to be Cute Not Bright, even though you're not.
Instead of fighting to be heard or understood, play Blonde and ask “I'm sorry. I'm confused. I thought A, B, C and here is X Y Z. What do you know? Can you please show me X to help me understand?”
Practice saying this authentically with a pure, innocent blonde energy; it won't work using your natural more-powerful-than-a-locomotive vibe.
When people are telling you something in a SHOUTY voice as if you're an IDIOT, oblige them by asking Dumb And Confused questions. Gently lead them to either tell you what you already knew (but which they would never admit if you challenged them) or admit they can tell you, but they can't show you.
The aim is not to prove you're right and they're wrong. This is a tool to help you get the result you desire, with the greatest ease.
Are the things you'd truly like not showing up in your life? Even though you are (select any and all that apply): smart, educated, articulate, hard working, diligent, polite, kind, good looking, well connected, in the zone, [enter your own talents here _________________________], and generally have everything going for you?
Do you have any of these points of view? I can/should do everything myself. I should be self-sufficient/self-made. Handouts are wrong. I know best. Everyone else is stupid. I can't rely on anyone else?
Even if you can do everything yourself, better than anyone, having these points of view, will cut off your ability to receive from anyone or anything.
If your point of view is “I don't need anything from anyone,” then that's what you'll create.
So if you'd like to create the things in your life that you've been asking for but have not yet shown up, ask “What am I unwilling to receive?”
Notice what shows up - including somebody else's point of view - then ask "What action could I take?"
How much of what you do everyday is driven by your desire to be acknowledged and validated?
Are you always seeking someone's approval, consciously or unconsciously?
Do you ever get it? Probably not as often as you'd like.
And how often to people shout or laugh at you, telling you you're wrong and a stupid idiot?
And what then? Do you try even harder to be seen?
If this is not fun and you find you're doing things you don't really enjoy, hoping to please someone else, ask“What if I didn't need to prove myself to anyone?”
What if you were absolutely awesome just as you are and did not need anyone else to approve you?
Would that make life easier and more fun?
Some people love to fight. Do you?
Some will fight to the death to prove the rightness of their point of view. Some just like to fight for the fun of it. In either case, will anything you say or do change their mind and stop the fight?
Do you ever see the insanity of an argument and try to stop it or change it with well considered and logical arguments? Does it ever work? Or do you get more frustrated, tangled and drawn into the fight?
If you don't enjoy arguing and would like to move beyond the fight to new possibilities, ask yourself "Is this fight a distraction?" then smile and say “You're right, I'm wrong” three times.
You're not agreeing the other person is right. You're acknowledging their right to their point of view, and you are being in allowance of them not seeing yours.
The words are easy. The energy behind the words might take practice. Saying these words sarcastically or angrily will not work. Your energy must be of complete allowance.
Will they work? Next time someone wants a fight, use them and see. And remember, you can always be grateful for their anger and choose something else.
Sign up and we'll send you a question every day to crinkle your universe, make your smile, and help keep you in the zone. Why questions? A question will always empower you to see and create more. An answer will only limit you to what you have decided is right.
This is a 100% free service and our gift to you. If you would like to contribute to our work, we are most grateful.
Or search for the topic of your choice in The Q Library. There are 100s of questions here. What would you like to ask about? A relationship? Money? Work? Body? Health? Or life in general? Enter your keyword below and see what shows up!