You're smart, you work hard, you got good grades at school, you help your family nicely, you've got a great job, everyone says your partner is perfect, your kids are healthy and happy, you've got enough money, a nice place to live, a sexy car, some good investments, and enviable mini-breaks and maxi get-aways a few times a year.
Your life is perfect. And even if you can only claim one or two of these things, you're doing pretty well, right?
So what do you do if you have all these things, and yet somehow feel something is missing?
There is nothing wrong with these things. They can certainly be fun. So if you have all of these things — or more! — and you're not having fun, perhaps you've made them mean something they're not?
If so, ask "What have I misidentified as living?"
What if you could enjoy these things as well as create your life the way you'd like? How? Ask another question.
How much time do you spend second guessing whether you'll fail at something or not? Do you say "I'd like to do it, but I probably won't be any good" or "I'll give it a go, but I'm sure I won't do very well?" Some of this may be because you think you shouldn't big-note yourself.
How much of it do you end up believing?
There is nothing wrong with this point of view. Be aware, that your point of view creates your reality. So if you think you'll be no good, then you're absolutely correct.
If you'd like to create a different reality — an expansive, can-do reality full of possibility, then start with a different point of view. Start by asking "What if success were the only option?"
What is the definintion of success? That's up to you. How have you defined success? What if by being clear on what you'd truly like as your life and living, then success IS the only option?
What applies to you today? Pick any and all of these.
It's my birthday; I had the most amazing cup of coffee; the sky is clear, blue and has fluffy clouds; I'm feeling fit and healthy; I hung out with fun, fabulous people (even if it was online); someone helped me out; I got what I wanted done at work/home; I got my study assignment done on time; I had a delicious sleep; I had a mani/ pedi/ backrub; my favourite shop was having a sale; I helped someone and they smiled; I saw a rerun of my favourite show; my team scored surprising points; I (almost, really!!) got a hole-in-one; the steak was cooked just right; I had a house full of screaming kids; I didn't have a house full of screaming kids; I laughed till I cried; I cried till I laughed; I felt alive; I felt free.
None of these apply to you? Then ask "What can I celebrate today?" and think of ONE thing that you saw/ did/ experienced/ created today and CELEBRATE your life.
What do you think you can't do? Speak publicly? Learn another language? Speak publicly in another language? Run a business? Lead a team? Understand the law? Change things that are not working for you? Trust what you know in the face of opposition?
Do you tell yourself you're afraid of something? Making a mistake? People laughing at you? Failure? Ruining your life forever and dying alone and poor?
Is any of that true? Or are they all just interesting points of view you bought from someone, somewhere, sometime?
It doesn't matter where your points of view came from, how well do they serve you? Do they help you create the life you'd really like? If not, ask "What's the value of saying I can't do it?"
If there's no value, you are hanging on to that point of view for what reason? What if instead you asked another questions, like "What will it take for me to do this with ease?"
What fixed points of view do you have about who and what you have to be/ do/ have/ think in life?
For example, I have to get married because my mother expects it. I can't take a year off school to travel because my father wouldn't like it. I have to get into that organisation because otherwise I'll be a failure. I have to cook dinner every night otherwise I'll be a bad parent. I can't be nice because the tough kids will make fun of me. I can't speak my mind because people will call me a "Karen." I have to believe everything other people tell me or I'll have no friends.
Do you spend all your energy, time and money on this hamster wheel? Is it fun? Does it create the happiness you'd like?
If not, ask "What could be possible if I changed my point of view?"
What if every "I have to" and "I can't" were just points of view that you could change? What point of view would you start with?
Are you happy with life? It's okay to say you are. But you probably can't, or won't admit it, right?
What is that? When did you decide that you couldn't be happy and had to be dissatisfied and complain about life?
Would you like to have more happiness in life? Will moaning and groaning create it? Or will choosing to be happy create it?
If you'd like to find out, ask "What can I smile about today?" and then SMILE and smile some more.
You may only find one thing to start with. A really great cup of coffee. A break in the traffic. A clear blue sky. So SMILE.
You can also smile at the not-so-great stuff. Illogically restrictive regulations. SMILE. Unable to see family or friends. SMILE. Lost your job. SMILE.
After a while, like magic, your sense of happiness will expand and you'll see more and more great stuff in life. Previously unthought of possibilities emerging like new grown weeds from a scorched earth.
You may even infect others with your choice to choose happiness, and would that be something to smile about?
They're up in the air of course. Or are they? If you're standing on your head, then wouldn't your feet be on your head?
How many things in your life are like this? Beliefs based on assumptions? You've heard it from your family, your friends, your government, your doctors, or saw it on TV, so of course it's true! Right?
What if some, many, or even all your assumptions about how the world functions were different to what you thought? What if everything was the opposite of what it appeared to be and nothing was the opposite of what it appeared to be?
So next time you'd like clarity about something you have assumed must be certain, ask "If I'm standing on my head, where are my feet?"
You may find they are indeed in the air. Or they may be on your head. Maybe you checked them into the cloakroom. Or perhaps you never had feet to begin with?
How often do you feel swept away by the stream of people's trauma and drama? Dragged over the rapids and smashed against the rocks?
Or perhaps you're the salmon diligently swimming upstream, against the flow?
What if instead, you were the rock in the stream, allowing the water to pass one way and the salmon to pass the other?
What if you could see it all, without being the effect of it, so that you could choose what worked for you?
This is allowance, and questions will enable you to be in that state.
Like to be the rock? Ask yourself "What if I be the question?"
Do you ever have those moments when your computer just won't work? It dies for no apparent reason? You're just about to buy something online, or give a presentation, or send an email and KAPUT.
It could be anything. The hardware, the software, the connection, the (non) service provider, or maybe you kicked the cord out of the wall?
What if there was nothing wrong with the sudden non-functioning of your electronics? What if the Gods in the Machinery were letting you know that doing something else would be more rewarding?
What if by not buying the item online now, you got a discount later? What if by not sticking to the Powerpoint slideshow your presentation was so much better? What if by not sending that email you go the result you actually desired?
So next time your electronics go CLUNK, ask "Computer, what are you trying to tell me?" and consider what else you might choose instead.
What does your life feel like right now? Light? Heavy? Fun? Serious? Energetic? Lethargic? Joyous? Miserable? Frivolous? Exhausting? Add your own words, image or feelings to describe your life as it is now.
Got them? Sometimes it helps to close your eyes to do it.
Now ask yourself "Is this the life I truly desire?"
If your life is not exactly what you'd like, then do it again, first asking "If time, money and other people's points of view weren't real, what would I choose for my life, living and reality?"
Now get a sense of the energy of the life you'd truly like. Add words, images, smells, feelings, sensations too if that helps.
Are two images the same, or different?
What if you carried with you the energy of the life you'd truly like, and chose consciously people and things that matched it, regardless of your normal logical pros and cons?
Could that make it easier for you to create the life you'd truly like?
Do you know what you'd really like in life? What you truly desire?
Have you ever allowed yourself to consider it? Or have you always been/ done/ chosen what others have told you is The Right Thing?
If your life is not going quite how you'd like it, maybe you've been choosing for others, rather than for you?
So how do you know what you'd really like? Easy. Ask"What do I truly desire?" and see what comes to mind.
It might not be anything that you've ever acknowledged before. Or maybe you were told it would not be: appropriate/ realistic/ possible/ safe/ healthy/ normal/ sensible/ or any one of 1000s of words people like to use to control you.
Are you willing to look at what you'd really like now?
Once you can see your true desires, then you can invite them into your life. You just need to ask.
How often do you ask for what you'd really like? All the time? Sometimes? Almost never?
And how much of what you'd really like do you have in your life right now? A lot? A little? Almost nothing?
Do you see the connection? Don't ask, don't get.
What stops you from asking for what you'd like? Do you think that you're being selfish? That there's not enough to go around and you should give up your bit (whatever that is) for someone else? That you don't deserve it? That you don't need to ask for anything from anyone? That people should know what you want? Something else?
Are these true? Or are they interesting points of view that you may have bought from someone, sometime?
Have you ever heard the axiom: ask and you will receive? Have you ever asked?
So if you don't have the life you'd truly like, ask "What if I asked for the life I'd truly like?"
Then ask. And receive.
How often do you get angry? What makes you angry? How quickly does your anger come to the surface?
Do you think it's wrong? Does the anger envelope you in layers you can't escape? Does it distract you from creating the life you'd like?
Rather than considering the anger in itself wrong, what if you asked a question to get clear on what it truly is? For example
- Heated Anger can indicate where you are in judgement, rather than interesting point of view
- Explosive Anger can show you where you've been suppressing yourself, or
- Rising Anger may indicate someone is lying to you.
So next time you sense anger on its way, ask yourself "What is this anger?" Then notice what shows up and acknowledge it, breath and ask "What would I like to create?"
In doing so you'll be free to choose for you, rather than be in reaction.
Of course you can aways play with Potent Anger, which is where you choose to get your point across. Think of this anger as the power you use to stop people blindly walking across the road in front of a truck.
Have you been asking questions but things don't seem to be changing the way you'd hoped?
What sort of questions are you asking? Do they sound like this "What's it going to take for my red sports car/ young, blond, sexy date/ prestigious, highly regarded, well paying job to show up/ people to recognise me and what I'm doing?"
Are these really questions? Or are they conclusions with question marks attached? In other words, you've already decided what you want: a red sports car/ young, blond, sexy date/ prestigious, highly regarded, well paying job/ public recognition and appreciation.
So if you think you know how to ask a question, but you're not seeing the change you'd like, check your questions by asking "Am I asking a question, or a statement with a question mark attached?"
If you discover you're in conclusion, simply ask a real question.
Do you ever blame other people or circumstances for things that don't work out in your life?
Does it make you feel better and help you create the life you'd actually like? Or does it side-track you into an Alice-in-Wonderland like maze of distraction?
If you'd like to create the life you'd like, acknowledge your role as creator of everything that shows up in it.
How? For every good, bad, ugly, beautiful thing that shows up in it, ask "How did I create this?"
It'll be easy for the good, beautiful things. What about the bad, ugly things?
What if by taking ownership of everything in your life, you gained clarity over how you created it? Then, if it doesn't work for you (bad/ugly), you can see how to create it differently.
How? Ask questions.
Have you ever been stuck not knowing what to do? You've got two or more great (or not so great) options and you just don't know which one to go with?
Are you frozen by the idea that you might make the wrong choice? Have you made this choice the answer to your life? And if you get it wrong, people will say "there you go again, making no-good choices" and your life will be over?
Is that true? What if there were no wrong choices? What if no choice was the answer to your life? What if a choice was quite simply that: a choice. A choice that is good for 10 seconds, and then you get to choose again.
How does that feel? A bit lighter? Can you choose now?
So go on, remind yourself: a choice is just a choice and you can do it every 10 seconds. When you're stuck, ask "What if I just chose, dammit?"
Then choose. Repeat.
What's your point of view about magic? That it's voodoo and a lie? Or that it's a bit of a laugh for kids? (But wow...what if you really could do things like Harry Potter and X-men? Wouldn't that be fun!)
Do you ever have wonderful people or things show up in your life with ease and by surprise? Is that like magic?
Does it make you smile?
What if magic were simply things appearing from a source you couldn't see and didn't yet understand? What if magic was simply science you couldn't yet explain? Like if you now saw fire for the first time?
If you'd like to invite more magic into your life and create things you thought impossible, ask "What magic can I ask for today?"
And then ask.
Do you find you are often disappointed by the way things turn out? Are you ever let down by what people say or do?
Have you ever tried to explain to someone exactly what behaviour and words would make things work like magic between you? Did they hear you? How often has someone tried to convince you that their point of view is what you really desire?
Can you control what other people do in their lives, even in relation to you? No. People will always do exactly what works for them and pay no attention to your point of view.
The only thing you can change is you. So if you'd like to be free of feeling disappointed or let down by other people, ask "What expectations do I have here?"
When you are clear about your expectations, ask another question, like "If I had no expectations of anything or anyone, what could I change to create the result I'd truly like?"
What if creating what you'd like in life was as simple as changing your point of view?
How many times a day do you hear yourself saying "I'd like to be/ do/ have X but I can't/ shouldn't/ because of X? Once, 10, 100 times a day?
Sure you're clever. You've analyzed the thing from all angles and worked out exactly why you can't/ shouldn't. And you're not wrong. When you decide something is not possible, you're absolutely right. It's not.
Would you like more possibility in life? Would you like to be/ do/ have all those things you've decided are not possible?
If so, ask "What if I stopped being my greatest limitation and started living?"
Think of this as a gentle slap on the cheek to remind you all things are possible. Then ask another question, or six hundred, and create your life as you'd really like.
Do you ever find yourself talking about a particular topic to anyone who'll listen? Something you'd like people to notice and agree with you about? It could be about the state of the nation, the office, or people's houses, clothes or bodies? The Latest Crisis of the Week?
When you do that, notice your energy. Do you talk about it lightly as a question with an interesting point of view energy, and then get on with the fun of life?
Or do you sense a heaviness, a stickiness which distracts you from being joyful?
When you say interesting and get on with it, you are being aware and in allowance of it. When you get gummed up with its heaviness, you are the effect of it.
So if you'd like to have uninterrupted access to joy in life — no matter what is going on in the world — next time you notice yourself repeatedly thinking, saying or doing something, ask "Am I in allowance, or the effect of this?"
If you'd like to change something — not simply talk about it — ask more questions, like "What is this? Can I change it? If so how?" and "What action can I take"?
Have you ever been told you're too loud, too active, too energetic, too happy, too full of life and could you TURN IT DOWN or PUT A LID ON IT?
Do you feel bad about it? Do you feel wrong?
What if there were nothing wrong with you?
What if some people simply don't get your energy, your exuberant expression of life?
What if your energy and exuberance is an amazing capacity, a phenomenal talent? A gift the world needs?
If you'd like to remind yourself that your energy and exuberance is not wrong, and that some people will simply not get you and become angry or annoyed, ask "How many people can I wake up with my exuberance today?"
Then smile and dance on.
How often do you get stuck in life? A lot, a little or not at all? Do you ever get into a cranky pants rage or spiral into a frenzy of anxiety? Is that fun for you?
If not, and you'd prefer to have total freedom to see and walk around such roadblocks — to be able to change anything that's not working for you in life — start by asking one of these questions.
1. What if I had infinite, free choice?
2. What if everything were just an interesting point of view?
3. If I had 10 second to choose the rest of my life, what would I choose?
4. What question could I ask?
5. What if form and structure had no significance?
6. Am I in judgement?
7. What does this add to my life?
8. What's the value of competition?
9. What if I didn't buy the story?
10. What am I excluding here?
The reality is, you always have choice.
Is your life full of ease, joy and abundance?
Not so much? No surprise given how many people seem to enjoy telling you that life must be hard, no fun, and a knock-down-drag-out fight to the death for scarce and dwindling resources. Not to mention the Fear and Terror of The Plague.
What if that were not true? If you'd like to find out what else is possible, add this daily mantra to your wake-up routine.
"All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory."
Saying this will remind you that how you function in life is your choice. And, if you choose, you can function from ease and joy and glory (exuberant expression and abundance) no matter what is going on.
Even when "things go wrong" you can experience them with ease and create any change you desire.
It's all of life, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Everything is included and nothing as to be a difficulty.
The reality is, you always have a choice.
What have you decided you do not want in your life? People who lie, cheat and steal? Unreliable and flakey people? Bossy and know-it-all people? What else?
How much energy do you spend judging people in an effort to keep certain things out of your life? Does it ever work? Is it fun for you? Does it expand your life in ways you'd like?
If not, rather than judging and excluding, be in allowance and inclusive.
When you exclude, you define the limits of what you are willing to receive and shut off your access to infinite possibilities.
So when you notice you're trying to avoid someone, ask "What am I excluding here, that if I were to be in allowance of would contribute to my life in ways I can't yet imagine?"
Will this put you at the mercy of people? No. When you are aware and inclusive you will see what's going on and how to choose the bits that work for you.
As a result, they may exclude you from their lives, because you're no longer fun for them.
What's your relationship with money?
Do you enjoy it? Is it a fun partner that helps you create the life you'd like? Or do you feel it has power over you and limits everything you do?
Does every cent you spend contribute to your life? Of does money leak out of your pocket and you never have enough?
If you'd like to change your relationship with money, next time you thing about buying something, ask "If I buy you, will you make me money?"
Certainly a banana, or shoes, or a book may not bring a direct cash return (unless you're a fruit, a shoe, or a bookshop owner). But what about their contribution to you in nutrition, style, information and feel good energy? Would that energy help you generate more money? Maybe?
When you ask the question, pay attention to your senses. Do you feel light or heavy?
If you feel heavy, then move on. You always know if something will contribute to you or not. How often do you ignore yourself?
So wake yourself up from sleep mode and ask "If I buy you, will you make me money?"
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