Has anyone ever been angry with you to try and distract you from seeing what was true, either so you wouldn't see it, or so they didn't have to look at it?
For example, when you question someone because you sense they were lying. Did they get angry or indignant and say things like "I can't believe you are questioning me?!" Did that make you angry?
Do you get angry when people say things about you that aren't true?
One useful thing to know about angry is that it can indicate a lie. So next time you feel anger rising, ask yourself "Is there a lie spoken or unspoken here?" You will know. And if you'd like more clarity, stop and ask the other person "What do you mean by that?" Then listen.
Asking questions in the face of anger will move you from the auto-response of reaction, to the freedom of action, so you can create what you'd really prefer.
Before you call the police on this one, let me ask you: where is your comfort zone? Is it on the stage? Or on the couch?
How many of these are outside your zone: singing loudly, speaking in public, telling your best friend something you know they won't like, doing something you know is morally right but goes against an "authority," saying NO to anyone?
What else? What activity makes your heart pound, your hands go clammy and your head think "ooooooooh noooooo....not that!"? That. Whatever that is, that's outside your comfort zone.
How much does having a comfort zone help you create the life you'd really like? A lot, a little, or not at all? How much time do you spend thinking about the things you won't do, avoiding situations you think you think might lead you out of your safety zone? And how much fun are you missing out on? Whose life are you living? Yours or someone else's?
If you'd like a peak at the possibilities that lie beyond, ask "What if I played outside my comfort zone?" and dip a toe outside it. What's the worse that can happen? People might laugh. And laughing is good, right? So what if you joined in?
What's the best that can happen? Well maybe you just might change the world and start living your own life.
What makes you angry? Injustice? War? Poverty? Evil? Your partner coming home late from work every night? Your boss or co-workers being stupid and lazy? Your family not being willing to see your point of view about how to make the world a better place? What else?
I'm guessing you'd like to change these things for the better, and you become angry out of frustration, because you think you're supposed to be angry, or from the belief that anger will somehow create the changes you'd like?
Will it? Probably not. Two things that anger will create are: stress and toxicity in your body; and resistance and reaction in other people.
Will either of these things help you make the changes you'd like? No. They might even make it harder.
If you'd like to be free from anger's control, to create what you'd really like, ask "What will anger contribute here?" and then "What else is possible to create the changes I'd like to see?"
What if you could see anger for what it is: a distraction?
Do you sometimes feel like you have no options? For example, you have NO CHOICE but to look after your elderly parents, make your kids do homework, stay late at the office, cancel your holiday, pay for dinner, host the family at Christmas, get married, get a job, buy a house, have kids, stay at home, take a medicine, follow the rules.
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of these things. It's simply your point of view if you don't like something.
If your point of view is that you don't like it, and you'd prefer something else, instead of defaulting to the No Choice version of life, ask "Who or what is limiting my choices?"
Once you become clear about whether it's you, or someone or something else limiting your choices, you can ask more questions to create what you'd really like. For example, "What else is possible?" "What will it take for X to show up?" or "What action can I take?"
This is a free-will universe, remember? There is always choice. What if you stopped being your greatest limitation?
How many coincidences show up in your life? Do you ever say things like "I was just thinking about you, and you called!" "I knew that would happen!" or "I don't know why I came here today, but I found the thing that I've been looking for for ages — at half price!"
Do things fall out of your mouth and people say "How did you knew what I was thinking? I was just about to say that!" How often do you dismiss things that flit across your mind as not possible, not important, or not right, only to find almost immediately that is was the exact thing that was required? Do you wish you'd paid more attention?
What if you were way more perceptive than you have ever been willing to admit? Would you now claim, own and acknowledge that talent, and trust you more?
If so, next time you notice something flickering across your awareness like a gentle breeze, ask "What am I perceiving here?" and stay present and in the question.
What does infinite mean to you? No limit? Endless? Abundant? More than you can imagine?
How many possibilities do you feel you have in your life right now? Lots, a few, not many, or the ones that will make my parents/ teachers/ boss/ partner/ children/ friends/ government happy?
Last time I checked with science, it said that we live in a free-will universe and we can choose freely. If that's true, then how can you not have infinite possibilities?
Who or what is limiting your choices? You, or someone else?
If you'd like to unleash the possibilities in your life, ask "What if I had unlimited possibilities?"
You may then need to ask more questions to generate specifics, like time, money, health and so on. This question is simply the first step to flush away your autopilot self-limitation, and to remind you that you always have a choice.
Do you have something you'd like to do, but are finding it tough to complete, or perhaps even start?
What's that for you? Pass an exam, get a job, run a business, buy a house, go on a holiday, meet a fun girl/boy to hang out with, have children, exercise, get up in the morning, relax at night, change the world?
And what about the not-so-much-fun stuff? For example, tell your parents something they don't know (uh-oh), quit/change schools, quit/change jobs, write something, host something, exercise, tell someone you're moving on, nurse someone in their decline, let go of a loved one, question the accepted narrative?
When did you decide life had to be hard and suffered? Would you like a life of fun and ease instead?
Ease does not mean laze. It means doing the most complex thing with the greatest joy and to the maximum effect. If so, ask "What if I could do this with ease?" and breeeeeeeathe.
Feeling anxious? Worried about something or someone?
Is that yours? Or someone else's?
How many people around you do you hear or see fretting about one thing or another everyday? A few, or almost everyone? And even if they're not talking about it, or showing it obviously on their face, can you feel it? Not to mention what you see and hear hourly on the news.
So it should be no surprise that even if your life is actually pretty darn amazing, you somehow feel anxious.
If you'd like to change that, next time you start to feel or say "What if this X terrible thing happens?" instead STOP, acknowledge how clever you are to be able to pick up all these feelings, and ask "Whose anxiety is this?"
If the feeliong lightens, then you know it wasn't yours. Now invite your smile back to the party of life.
Do you have someone in your life close to death, or who has just passed? Are you overwhelmed by sadness or buried in mourning? Perhaps you're exhausted by trying to help them hang on? Would you prefer another option?
If so, ask "What if death wasn't what I thought it was?"
What if birth and death were two sides of the same coin? Both transitions into something new, unknown, undefined?
We honour and celebrate birth. We smile with joy when we see the limitless possibilities of a newborn baby. What if death brought us similar freedom and possibilities?
And what if your smile and conscious choice to celebrate and acknowledge the memories of a life lived -- no matter how great or small -- created space and peace for the transition beyond? Could that bring greater ease for you around death?
What gift could you be to the person passing?
How often have you been told life is a rollercoaster? That you have to take the good with the bad? That without downs there would be no ups?
What if your life had no ups and downs? Do you think you'd flatlined? Have you decided that without the thrill of the up-down rollercoaster you'd be dead?
Do you enjoy being down? If not, then ask "What if my life just got better and better?
What makes your up times? What makes your down times? Is it what happens? Or is it your point of view about what happens and your willingness to change?
What if your point if view was that you could simply choose to be happe, without needing to be unhappy, to experience the difference?
What if you remembered to ask "What's rights about this that I'm not getting?"
What if happiness were just a choice?
You're smart, you work hard, you got good grades at school, you help your family nicely, you've got a great job, everyone says your partner is perfect, your kids are healthy and happy, you've got enough money, a nice place to live, a sexy car, some good investments, and enviable mini-breaks and maxi get-aways a few times a year.
Your life is perfect. And even if you can only claim one or two of these things, you're doing pretty well, right?
So what do you do if you have all these things, and yet somehow feel something is missing?
There is nothing wrong with these things. They can certainly be fun. So if you have all of these things — or more! — and you're not having fun, perhaps you've made them mean something they're not?
If so, ask "What have I misidentified as living?"
What if you could enjoy these things as well as create your life the way you'd like? How? Ask another question.
How much time do you spend second guessing whether you'll fail at something or not? Do you say "I'd like to do it, but I probably won't be any good" or "I'll give it a go, but I'm sure I won't do very well?" Some of this may be because you think you shouldn't big-note yourself.
How much of it do you end up believing?
There is nothing wrong with this point of view. Be aware, that your point of view creates your reality. So if you think you'll be no good, then you're absolutely correct.
If you'd like to create a different reality — an expansive, can-do reality full of possibility, then start with a different point of view. Start by asking "What if success were the only option?"
What is the definintion of success? That's up to you. How have you defined success? What if by being clear on what you'd truly like as your life and living, then success IS the only option?
What applies to you today? Pick any and all of these.
It's my birthday; I had the most amazing cup of coffee; the sky is clear, blue and has fluffy clouds; I'm feeling fit and healthy; I hung out with fun, fabulous people (even if it was online); someone helped me out; I got what I wanted done at work/home; I got my study assignment done on time; I had a delicious sleep; I had a mani/ pedi/ backrub; my favourite shop was having a sale; I helped someone and they smiled; I saw a rerun of my favourite show; my team scored surprising points; I (almost, really!!) got a hole-in-one; the steak was cooked just right; I had a house full of screaming kids; I didn't have a house full of screaming kids; I laughed till I cried; I cried till I laughed; I felt alive; I felt free.
None of these apply to you? Then ask "What can I celebrate today?" and think of ONE thing that you saw/ did/ experienced/ created today and CELEBRATE your life.
What do you think you can't do? Speak publicly? Learn another language? Speak publicly in another language? Run a business? Lead a team? Understand the law? Change things that are not working for you? Trust what you know in the face of opposition?
Do you tell yourself you're afraid of something? Making a mistake? People laughing at you? Failure? Ruining your life forever and dying alone and poor?
Is any of that true? Or are they all just interesting points of view you bought from someone, somewhere, sometime?
It doesn't matter where your points of view came from, how well do they serve you? Do they help you create the life you'd really like? If not, ask "What's the value of saying I can't do it?"
If there's no value, you are hanging on to that point of view for what reason? What if instead you asked another questions, like "What will it take for me to do this with ease?"
What fixed points of view do you have about who and what you have to be/ do/ have/ think in life?
For example, I have to get married because my mother expects it. I can't take a year off school to travel because my father wouldn't like it. I have to get into that organisation because otherwise I'll be a failure. I have to cook dinner every night otherwise I'll be a bad parent. I can't be nice because the tough kids will make fun of me. I can't speak my mind because people will call me a "Karen." I have to believe everything other people tell me or I'll have no friends.
Do you spend all your energy, time and money on this hamster wheel? Is it fun? Does it create the happiness you'd like?
If not, ask "What could be possible if I changed my point of view?"
What if every "I have to" and "I can't" were just points of view that you could change? What point of view would you start with?
Are you happy with life? It's okay to say you are. But you probably can't, or won't admit it, right?
What is that? When did you decide that you couldn't be happy and had to be dissatisfied and complain about life?
Would you like to have more happiness in life? Will moaning and groaning create it? Or will choosing to be happy create it?
If you'd like to find out, ask "What can I smile about today?" and then SMILE and smile some more.
You may only find one thing to start with. A really great cup of coffee. A break in the traffic. A clear blue sky. So SMILE.
You can also smile at the not-so-great stuff. Illogically restrictive regulations. SMILE. Unable to see family or friends. SMILE. Lost your job. SMILE.
After a while, like magic, your sense of happiness will expand and you'll see more and more great stuff in life. Previously unthought of possibilities emerging like new grown weeds from a scorched earth.
You may even infect others with your choice to choose happiness, and would that be something to smile about?
They're up in the air of course. Or are they? If you're standing on your head, then wouldn't your feet be on your head?
How many things in your life are like this? Beliefs based on assumptions? You've heard it from your family, your friends, your government, your doctors, or saw it on TV, so of course it's true! Right?
What if some, many, or even all your assumptions about how the world functions were different to what you thought? What if everything was the opposite of what it appeared to be and nothing was the opposite of what it appeared to be?
So next time you'd like clarity about something you have assumed must be certain, ask "If I'm standing on my head, where are my feet?"
You may find they are indeed in the air. Or they may be on your head. Maybe you checked them into the cloakroom. Or perhaps you never had feet to begin with?
How often do you feel swept away by the stream of people's trauma and drama? Dragged over the rapids and smashed against the rocks?
Or perhaps you're the salmon diligently swimming upstream, against the flow?
What if instead, you were the rock in the stream, allowing the water to pass one way and the salmon to pass the other?
What if you could see it all, without being the effect of it, so that you could choose what worked for you?
This is allowance, and questions will enable you to be in that state.
Like to be the rock? Ask yourself "What if I be the question?"
Do you ever have those moments when your computer just won't work? It dies for no apparent reason? You're just about to buy something online, or give a presentation, or send an email and KAPUT.
It could be anything. The hardware, the software, the connection, the (non) service provider, or maybe you kicked the cord out of the wall?
What if there was nothing wrong with the sudden non-functioning of your electronics? What if the Gods in the Machinery were letting you know that doing something else would be more rewarding?
What if by not buying the item online now, you got a discount later? What if by not sticking to the Powerpoint slideshow your presentation was so much better? What if by not sending that email you go the result you actually desired?
So next time your electronics go CLUNK, ask "Computer, what are you trying to tell me?" and consider what else you might choose instead.
What does your life feel like right now? Light? Heavy? Fun? Serious? Energetic? Lethargic? Joyous? Miserable? Frivolous? Exhausting? Add your own words, image or feelings to describe your life as it is now.
Got them? Sometimes it helps to close your eyes to do it.
Now ask yourself "Is this the life I truly desire?"
If your life is not exactly what you'd like, then do it again, first asking "If time, money and other people's points of view weren't real, what would I choose for my life, living and reality?"
Now get a sense of the energy of the life you'd truly like. Add words, images, smells, feelings, sensations too if that helps.
Are two images the same, or different?
What if you carried with you the energy of the life you'd truly like, and chose consciously people and things that matched it, regardless of your normal logical pros and cons?
Could that make it easier for you to create the life you'd truly like?
Do you know what you'd really like in life? What you truly desire?
Have you ever allowed yourself to consider it? Or have you always been/ done/ chosen what others have told you is The Right Thing?
If your life is not going quite how you'd like it, maybe you've been choosing for others, rather than for you?
So how do you know what you'd really like? Easy. Ask"What do I truly desire?" and see what comes to mind.
It might not be anything that you've ever acknowledged before. Or maybe you were told it would not be: appropriate/ realistic/ possible/ safe/ healthy/ normal/ sensible/ or any one of 1000s of words people like to use to control you.
Are you willing to look at what you'd really like now?
Once you can see your true desires, then you can invite them into your life. You just need to ask.
How often do you ask for what you'd really like? All the time? Sometimes? Almost never?
And how much of what you'd really like do you have in your life right now? A lot? A little? Almost nothing?
Do you see the connection? Don't ask, don't get.
What stops you from asking for what you'd like? Do you think that you're being selfish? That there's not enough to go around and you should give up your bit (whatever that is) for someone else? That you don't deserve it? That you don't need to ask for anything from anyone? That people should know what you want? Something else?
Are these true? Or are they interesting points of view that you may have bought from someone, sometime?
Have you ever heard the axiom: ask and you will receive? Have you ever asked?
So if you don't have the life you'd truly like, ask "What if I asked for the life I'd truly like?"
Then ask. And receive.
How often do you get angry? What makes you angry? How quickly does your anger come to the surface?
Do you think it's wrong? Does the anger envelope you in layers you can't escape? Does it distract you from creating the life you'd like?
Rather than considering the anger in itself wrong, what if you asked a question to get clear on what it truly is? For example
- Heated Anger can indicate where you are in judgement, rather than interesting point of view
- Explosive Anger can show you where you've been suppressing yourself, or
- Rising Anger may indicate someone is lying to you.
So next time you sense anger on its way, ask yourself "What is this anger?" Then notice what shows up and acknowledge it, breath and ask "What would I like to create?"
In doing so you'll be free to choose for you, rather than be in reaction.
Of course you can aways play with Potent Anger, which is where you choose to get your point across. Think of this anger as the power you use to stop people blindly walking across the road in front of a truck.
Have you been asking questions but things don't seem to be changing the way you'd hoped?
What sort of questions are you asking? Do they sound like this "What's it going to take for my red sports car/ young, blond, sexy date/ prestigious, highly regarded, well paying job to show up/ people to recognise me and what I'm doing?"
Are these really questions? Or are they conclusions with question marks attached? In other words, you've already decided what you want: a red sports car/ young, blond, sexy date/ prestigious, highly regarded, well paying job/ public recognition and appreciation.
So if you think you know how to ask a question, but you're not seeing the change you'd like, check your questions by asking "Am I asking a question, or a statement with a question mark attached?"
If you discover you're in conclusion, simply ask a real question.
Do you ever blame other people or circumstances for things that don't work out in your life?
Does it make you feel better and help you create the life you'd actually like? Or does it side-track you into an Alice-in-Wonderland like maze of distraction?
If you'd like to create the life you'd like, acknowledge your role as creator of everything that shows up in it.
How? For every good, bad, ugly, beautiful thing that shows up in it, ask "How did I create this?"
It'll be easy for the good, beautiful things. What about the bad, ugly things?
What if by taking ownership of everything in your life, you gained clarity over how you created it? Then, if it doesn't work for you (bad/ugly), you can see how to create it differently.
How? Ask questions.
Sign up and we'll send you a question every day to crinkle your universe, make your smile, and help keep you in the zone. If you're brand new, then you might also like to start from Q1 here and work your through to now? Also share the love on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, MeWe, & Parler.
Why questions? A question will always empower you to see and create more. An answer will only limit you to what you have decided is right.
This is a 100% free service and our gift to you. If you would like to contribute to our work, we are most grateful.
Or search for the topic of your choice below. What would you like to ask about? A relationship? Money? Work? Body? Health? Or life in general? Enter your keyword below and see what shows up!