Do you consider you're addicted to something? Has someone told you that you are? What is that for you? Food, drugs, alcohol, sex, work, helping people, the wrongness of you, or something else?
What does addiction mean to you? That you're powerless to overcome it without submitting to a higher authority? That you will never overcome it and it will always control you? That it's a physical condition, an allergy, and the only solution is a long, slow process and complete abstinence? That you are bad, wrong, or a failure for having it?
What if addiction wasn't what you thought it was? If you've tried everything and would like to find out what else is possible, start by asking yourself "What if addiction wasn't a disease?"
What else is possible? That depends on you. This question is designed to unstick you from where you might be stuck.
How much change would you like? Visit Marilyn Bradford's System of Right Recovery for more information about how to choose for you.
Have you had a bad day...week/month/YEAR? Did you bump into someone's parked car when you were backing down the driveway? Did you get a bill 10 times what you were expecting? Did youfind out the times had changes on an event you'd been promoting, an hour before it was due to start? Did you create a fight when you thought you were being helpful? Did someone tell you how much rubbish you are? did you have ALL of these in one day?
Do you feel like crying? Having a stiff drink? Jumping off a cliff? Something else?
If you'd like something else, ask "What's right about this I'm not getting?" Then ask "What would make me giggle right now?"
Remember when you were five, and everything made you giggle? Find ONE thing and pull that energy through you, and keep looking for MORE thinks, until you lighten, smile...and maybe even giggle. Even if it's to giggle at yourself for being Cute, Not Bright.
What's your story? You know, the one you tell every time you meet someone new. The one you replay in your head like an old film? How does it go for you? Is it a roll call of well-known schools, colleges, companies, achievements and who you know? Is a tale of woe, misery, and hardship? Are you the victor? Are you the victim? Do you laugh? Do you cry?
Is it real? You point of view creates your reality. So if your point of view is that your story is your life, then it is real.
You are welcome to keep your story if it is working for you. Be aware that if you would like to create change in your life, re-runs of your story will serve only to re-create that life, over and over.
If you'd like to create a different life, you must be willing to give up all your old stories. If so, ask "What if I changed the story of my life?" Then make up something outrageously fun and rewarding to tell. Who know how quickly it could become real?
Got something going on? Feeling a little down? Do you turn to your family, friends, or insignificant other for comfort, kindness, and a listening ear? Or maybe you share your soul on The Socials?
What do they offer you? Do they tell you what you're doing wrong and how, if you lived you're life like them, everything would be great? Or do they sympathise and help you reinforce your victim status?
How is that for you? Does it make you feel better?
Are you really looking for answers? Or are you seeking something else? Maybe a hug, a smile, a space to be you?
Are you willing to create this for yourself, if no one else will? If so, ask "What will nurture me?" and be/ do/ have that. It could be anything. Blowing off the afternoon to do the thing you love to do to relax and makes you smile.
And remember, next time someone comes to YOU like this, ask them "What can I do for you?" then listen, smile, create space, ask more questions, and shut up.
Have you ever been stuck not knowing what to do? You've got two or more great (or not so great) options and you just don't know which one to go with?
Are you frozen by the idea that you might make the wrong choice? Have you made this choice the answer to your life? And if you get it wrong, people will say "there you go again, making no-good choices" and your life will be over?
Is that true? What if there were no wrong choices? What if no choice was the answer to your life? What if a choice was quite simply that: a choice. A choice that is good for 10 seconds, and then you get to choose again.
How does that feel? A bit lighter? Can you choose now?
So go on, remind yourself: a choice is just a choice and you can do it every 10 seconds. When you're stuck, ask "What if I just chose, dammit?"
Then choose. Repeat.
Is your life full of ease, joy and abundance?
Not so much? No surprise given how many people seem to enjoy telling you that life must be hard, no fun, and a knock-down-drag-out fight to the death for scarce and dwindling resources. Not to mention the Fear and Terror of The Plague.
What if that were not true? If you'd like to find out what else is possible, add this daily mantra to your wake-up routine.
"All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory."
Saying this will remind you that how you function in life is your choice. And, if you choose, you can function from ease and joy and glory (exuberant expression and abundance) no matter what is going on.
Even when "things go wrong" you can experience them with ease and create any change you desire.
It's all of life, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Everything is included and nothing as to be a difficulty.
The reality is, you always have a choice.
Would you like to create the life you'd truly like? Then step out of judgement and into awareness.
What's the difference? Judgement, discrimination and discernment are fixed points of view, that you will die to prove right. You will often feel emotional heat, a useful way to sense the difference.
Awareness is an interesting point of view you can change with ease.
Judgements — regardless of whether they're good or bad — will serve only to control and limit you. Awareness gives you access to infinite possibilities.
If you'd like to be free of limitation, ask whenever you find yourself coming to a conclusion about what someone (including you) has said or done: "Am I in judgement?"
When you find you are in judgement, repeat as many times as required "Everything, even my/their strongest option, is just an interesting point of view."
If you dare, follow up with "What am I aware of that, if I chose it, would be the greatest contribution to me and my communities?"
Have you been trying for some time to create the job, business, relationship, government policy, organisational culture, or the life you'd like, but can't ever seem to make it happen?
If you've been stuck on something for a while and not achieved the result you'd like, you may have some deeply held, unconscious decisions that are limiting you.
For example, is there anything you believe can't be changed? Where you have to live, study or work, or what you have to do or be for someone else? That you are just one person, alone, too small, insignificant and powerless to effect any change on the world?
What if you could change anything? What would be possible for you then, and what would you choose?
If you'd like to move beyond the places that have been keeping you stuck, ask "What have I decided I can't change?" and notice what comes to mind.
When you start seeing where and how you've been keeping yourself stuck with unspoken decisions, then ask "What else is possible?" "Can I change this? If so how?" and "What action can I take?"
If you have something in your life you've been trying to change continually to no effect, ask "What do I love about this?"
How willing are you to change or let go of things you love? Not much? Not at all?
Are you ever distracted by a fear that you will never have it again (for example, a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all)?
When something is not working for you, first get clear on what parts of it you love.
Then you can ask other questions like "What would it take for me to find something else that would be an even greater contribution to my life?" and "What would it take for the parts of this that are not working for me, to change into something greater than I could imagine?"
When you become clear what you love about something -- and are willing to let it go, or demand that it change -- you will no longer be weighed down by it.
Instead, you will have the freedom to choose it, or not choose it. The reality is, you always have choice.
Something not working in your life? Feeling unhappy or stuck? Do you see yourself as a victim and without hope? Do you think you're hard up and done over by someone?
Are these points of view limiting you, preventing you from creating the life you'd really like? Would you like to change?
People stay in the role of the mournful victim all the time because it has some value for them.
For example, it gives them the attention they desire, it's comfortable, they've decided it's the only way of getting out of something they'd rather not do, in the hope that it will force someone else to behave differently, and many more reasons they've decided are valuable to them.
On the other hand, some people simply don't realize they have the choice to change.
Was that you? Now you know you can choose, would you like to? If so ask “What's the value of hanging on to this?” If it has no value, you would hang on to it for what reason?
The reality is, you always have choice.
Do you like helping people? Is is important to you? What is it about helping people you enjoy? Do you feel worthy? Does it make you feel valued and valuable? Do you want to save them from something?
What don't you enjoy? Are you frustrated when you give your best to someone but they don't seem to want it or appreciate it? Are you shocked or saddened when friends and family get angry or upset at you when you're simply trying to help them?
Do you find that no matter how much you help people, some simply never seem to change?
There is nothing wrong with wanting to help people. It's awesome. Empowering people to know they can change anything in their lives is a gift.
Just know that even when you do your best, people will choose what they choose, and it's got nothing to do with you.
People choose what they do because somewhere, somehow, they like it.
If you'd like to get clear about why and how you can help people with greater ease ask “What's the value of helping people?”
What if rather than being distracted by trying to help people who simply don't want your help, you asked "What other action could I take to create the changes I'd like?"
How much do you put off doing? How much do you not do all because you think you won't succeed? How often do you end up doing something less than you'd like as a result?
What do hesitation and fear contribute to your life? Is there any value in having them?
Or are they simply distractors that keep you from creating what you'd truly like?
If you'd like to be free from their control to create the relationships, work, business, life and change you'd really like, ask “What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?”
This will clear such distractors so you see what you'd really like to choose. Then ask "What action can I take?"
Are you willing to have that much freedom?
Do you use drugs of any kind? Hard drugs, pharmaceutical drugs, tobacco or alcohol to excessive amounts? Do you have any other compulsive behaviour, for example with food, exercise or helping/bullying people, or feeling bad, that you think you can't change? Are you a control freak working 24/7 to prove you're right?
What does this behaviour add to your life?
Do you use it to dull or heighten your awareness about something? Does it free you from pain, physical, emotional or intellectual? Does it create a space where you feel more you?
How real is that awareness, freedom and space? Completely, or not at all?
What if you could create real, total awareness, freedom and space which does not rely on anything but you?
If you'd like to find out, ask “What does this add to my life, and what information do I require that would empower me to create that in other ways?”
Visit http://www.marilynbradford.com/right-recovery-for-you.html for more information.
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