How often do you get stuck in a no-win fight? Do you enjoy it when other people won't listen to your opinion and only want you to see theirs?
How much stress, anxiety and worry do you suffer from trying to prove who's right and who's wrong about something?
Does this help your work or business? Do fights create, or use your time and money? What does stress, anxiety and worry do to your body and health?
Would you prefer to create greater ease in life for you and your body? Then practice these magic words “interesting point of view” every time you find yourself having a difference of opinion with someone.
You're not saying anyone is right or wrong. You're acknowledging everyone has a right to their own (perhaps insane) point of view, including you.
Say it lightly, smile and move on, for example “Yes, I see, thank you. That's a really interesting point of view. I wonder what would be the most rewarding outcome for our business/relationship/health/life right now? What else could we look at?”
This invites in new ideas and information that you might both find interesting.
Listen to what people talk about. Especially these days. What percentage is a complaint or a problem? Trauma and drama? Ninety-nine percent? Or more?
Did you know that you get more of what you focus your attention on?
So if you'd like fewer problems and more joy in life, inject a little gratitude into your conversation.
Crinkle someone's universe by saying something like “Wow I'm so grateful for being in lockdown! It's made me look at my life in a totally different way!” or “I am really grateful for him lying to me straight away, because now I know that's what he might do and I won't get caught out!” or “How did we get so lucky we can see blue skies outside today – how much fun can we have in our tiny apartment?”
What if you found one thing to be grateful for every day and told someone?
Perhaps you'll surprise people and they'll stop complaining mid-stream? You may even infect them with gratitude and spread it to others?
Or you may just have giggle on your own because you're grateful you have toilet paper. So ask, “What am I grateful for today?”
Do you have days/weeks/months when things are just not working the way you'd like to?
When people tell you “No!”, “You can't do that!” and “That's not how things are done now!”
You've got great ideas, lots of energy, and a desire to contribute, but everyone around you is saying "NO!"
Does this frustrate, upset or disappoint you? Do you find yourself stuck inside, sitting on your couch despondent and dispirited, reacting to all the trauma and drama around you?
If so, next time your you hear someone say “No” say to yourself “OK. Got it. That doesn't work right now. I wonder what else is possible?”
Then pay attention and see what comes to mind. You might surprise yourself with different point of view about what action to take.
Even just asking a question is taking action, and of course you can ask "What action can I take?"
Taking action is you creating your life, rather than suffering it as a reaction to everything around you.
Whatever you've got going on – great or not so great – it can always get better. You just have to ask.
What bad things are going on with you right now? Perhaps you ran out of toilet paper, lost your job, closed your business and went bankrupt, are locked down in your tiny apartment indefinitely, got dumped by the love of your life (just as you were going into lockdown), caught a virus, or [list your own not-so-good stuff here _________________]?
What about the good things? There's got to be something. Are you enjoying spending more time with your kids? Catching up on all the projects you've never given yourself time to do? Spending less time/money travelling to work? Noticing less pollution around you? Managing to buy toilet paper and essential supplies? What else? [List your own good stuff here ______________].
Now ask “How does it get any better than this?”
This is your invitation for something even better to show up.
Of course you'd like the bad things to improve.
The good stuff? Just because something is great now, doesn't mean it can't be even greater.
Do you like your body? Do you enjoy it and do fun things with it, like skip, run, jump, dance and play? Do you ever thank it for carrying your brain safely to work every day?
Or do you wake up in the morning judging it? It's too fat, too thin, too wrinkly, too ugly, too slow, too old, too....? Do you tell it it's not what it should be and force it to do things to make it what you think it should be? Do you try every new exercise and diet? Do you take pills and have surgery?
Or do you ignore your body completely and use being in lockdown as an excuse to move as little as possible?
Is any of this working for you? Is your body having a good time? Here's a hint. Pain and discomfort is your body telling you it's not happy.
What if instead, you asked your body what it enjoys and follow its lead? Remember when you were five, when you had a vibrant, fit, healthy, body overflowing with energy? Did you think about it, or did you just follow your body?
If you'd like that energy again, ask “Body, what would be fun for you?” then, as they say, just do it.
Even in lockdown there's plenty you can be doing. Helloooo internet! There are 1000s of amazingly creative people adapting their skills freely to help you keep your body moving with joy, even in the tiniest of spaces.
What could you do in lockdown that would be a gift to your body?
*Standard caveats apply: consult your doctor first if you have a medical condition.
Are you stuck somewhere you'd not normally be stuck? Has your usual routine been up-ended and you can't move about freely? Does this upset you and make you feel claustrophobic or limited?
If so, then ask yourself “What is the gift of this?” What if this unscheduled disruption was a chance to look at your life and ask what's working, and what's not working for you?
How often do you get to do this? Often? Sometimes? Or are you always so busy running on the hamster wheel of life, never giving yourself a moment to pause, or even the freedom to think about pausing?
So if now a pause button has been pressed on your world, rather than focusing on limitations, what if you consider your choices?
What have you've always wanted to do, but never had the time for? Open an internet window on the world to see what you could read or learn. Open your hall closet to see what you could clean out. Open your awareness to see what you'd really like to create as your future.
Then ask “What action can I take?”
Much gratitude to Dr Dain Heer for this one.
Are you feeling scared? An emotional spiral of worry and panic, an out-of-sorts flood of tears, or you're simply not feeling yourself?
What if what you were feeling was not actually yours?
These days we take for granted the invisible transmission of information via WiFi and mobile phones.
What about us? Don't we also transmit information – thoughts, feelings and emotion – invisibly and soundlessly too? Like when you walk into a room and know exactly who's just had a fight and who's having a secret affair?
So when you feel emotionally out-of-sorts, ask “Who does this belong to? Me or someone else?”
If the feeling lightens, you'll know it's not yours and you can “Return to sender with consciousness.”
And if you find it is yours, ask another question like “What's the value of holding on to this?” or"What action can I take?" And then make a choice.
You can change anything if you choose.
Feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or powerless against everything going on? Frozen in fear, stuck in panic, or just don't know what to do?
Then ask “What action can I take?” Action is you creating your life, rather than suffering it as a reaction to everything around you.
Practice this. No matter what you see or hear, notice what you do and ask yourself “Am I doing this from action, or reaction? Hoarding toilet paper – action or reaction? Reorganising to work or study from home – action or reaction? Posting on social media – action or reaction? There are no correct answers here, only your awareness of what YOU are doing.
Then ask “If I'm doing reaction, what action could I take?” Any action will do, no matter how small, as it will shift you out of reaction and into creation.
Acknowledge the trauma and drama around you, and be aware of your choices. Will you react “aaaarghh the world is ending!” Or will you take action to create your life, rather than suffering it in reaction? It's just a choice.
I am delighted to be back after so long attending to BUSYness. Thank you so much for joining me again to create fun questions to keep us all awake at the wheel of life. This first question after seven years is my own first, small action (much gratitude to Dr Dain Heer for this one). What will yours be?
Hello hello! After seven years...we're BACK We missed you guys.
To make sure our mailing list is in good shape, we're giving it a clean.
If you'd like us to send you a Daily Q to help keep you awake at the wheel of life just click and add your email here. Once we've done our housekeeping, we'll start again by 1 April 2020.
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