Do you find that your work, business, relationships or life in general never quite get to where you'd like them to be? You're talented, diligent, smart, cute, funny, intelligent, well-read, hard-working, kind, understanding and more, but somehow it just isn't happening?
Do you like to do it all yourself, rather than have others help? When others do help, is there a limit to what you will accept? Do you think involving others will weaken your control? Or that if you take too much, someone else will get less?
Consider nature. Do plants keep a ledger of how much oxygen and food they gift us? No. They just keep giving. The planet is an infinitely abundant place and keeps creating magically.
What if you functioned from abundance, rather than scarcity? Would lifting the limit on what you were willing to receive help expand your work, business, relationships and life possibilities?
Like to find out? If so, ask "What if limits weren't real?"
Have you ever given your best doing something, checking it a hundred times, only to find that as soon as it "goes live" there is a glaring error? Like writing a daily blog post only to find a super obvious typo the next day when it's sent out? Just as a random example.
What is that for you?
What do you do when this happens? Freak out? Blush with embarrassment? Make yourself wrong? Find someone to blame?
Or do you laugh and say to yourself Cute, Not Bright and ask "What's right about that this I'm not getting?"
What could be right? For example, when people tell you about the typo you can see that they are actually READING what you wrote. How wonderful! What an honour. Or perhaps you could invite your readers to make it into a 'typo game' and promise to belly laugh out loud when they catch you out again? Laughing is good, yes?
So next time something 'goes wrong' ask yourself "What's right about that this I'm not getting?" and keep asking it over and over, even if you don't believe it or feel it at first.
What if there was ALWAYS something right about a 'bad' situation? What if you simple had to ask to see?
This is one of my favourite Qs, which I will repost from time to time.
Do you ever blame other people or circumstances for things that don't work out in your life?
Does it make you feel better and help you create the life you'd actually like? Or does it side-track you into an Alice-in-Wonderland like maze of distraction?
If you'd like to create the life you'd truly like, acknowledge your role as creator of everything that shows up in it.
How? For every good, bad, ugly, beautiful thing that shows up in it, ask "How did I create this?"
It'll likely be easy for the good, beautiful things. What about acknowledging that you created the bad, ugly things?
By taking ownership of everything in your life, you gain clarity on how you created it. And then you can see how to create it differently.
How? Ask questions.
When things don't work out the way you'd like, what do you do? Do you ask "What's right about this that I'm not getting?" What else is possible?" "Cute, not bright!" and "How does it get any better than this?"
Or do you try to find someone or something to blame? Do others blame you when things don't go right for them?
Blame means to find fault with, to hold responsible for, or to condemn as wrong.
Is blame real and true? Or is it an interesting point of view based on someone's view of right and wrong?
When you buy into the idea that "someone must take the blame" how much trauma and drama comes your way? How much energy do you spend excusing, defending or deflecting the blame? Is that fun?
If not, and you'd like to be free from the control of distractors like this, ask "Is this blame distracting me from creating the life I'd truly like?"
Is someone giving you hell? No matter what you do or say, you're always wrong? Perhaps you really did do something less than bright, and they're coming down on you hard?
How do you respond? Do you try to justify your actions and prove that you're not wrong and are doing your best?
Does that work? Even if you really did nothing wrong, do people believe you and make your life easy?
If you'd like to vacuum up all the bad feelings and start again, do this: first acknowledge the other person's point of view. Say "You're right. I'm wrong" three times, naturally in various ways.
Then ask "What can I do to make up for the damage I've done?" Check your energy matches thewords. Sarcastic or angry energy won't work. The magic is in the energy of allowance and vulnerability.
When you are willing to give up your points of view about being right, then you are free to create new possibilities.
At the very least, this will difficult people them off your back, so you can get on with the fun of living.
Yes. I know this is not a question. Sometimes no question will make it stop. So try this instead.
Some people love to fight. Do you?
Some will fight to the death to prove the rightness of their point of view. Some just like to fight for the fun of it. In either case, will anything you say or do change their mind and resolve the fight?
Do you ever see the insanity of an argument and try to stop it or change it with well considered and logical arguments? Does it ever work? Or do you get more frustrated, tangled and drawn into the fight?
If you don't enjoy arguing and would like to move beyond the with to new possibilities, smile and say "You're right. I'm wrong" three times.
You're not agreeing the other person is right. You're acknowledging their right to their point of view, and you are being in allowance of them not seeing yours.
The words are easy. The energy behind the words might take practice. Saying these words sarcastically or angrily will not work. Your energy must be of complete allowance.
Will they work? Next time someone wants a fight, use them and find out.
If you have something in your life you've been trying to change continually to no effect, ask "What do I love about this?"
How willing are you to change or let go of things you love? Not much? Not at all?
Are you ever distracted by a fear that you will never have it again. For example, a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all?
When something is not working for you, first get clear on what parts of it you love.
Then you can ask other questions like "What would it take for me to find something else that would be an even greater contribution to my life?" and "What would it take for the parts of this that are not working for me, to change into something greater than I could imagine?"
When you become clear what you love about something – and are willing to let it go, or demand that it change – you will no longer be weighed down by it.
Instead, you will have the freedom to choose it, or not choose it. The reality is, you always have choice.
Do you know people who sometimes say or do not-nice things. Maybe you have some in your social media comments feed right now?
Does this upset you and leave you scratching your head, wondering why they would do or say that? Does it distract you from what you'd rather be doing?
Are they an ELF or a rattlesnake? An ELF is an evil little freak (or other word starting with F) who simply enjoys being mean for fun. While nature has designed rattlesnakes to bite you whenever they feel threatened. That's just what they are.
When you make them wrong and get sucked into the trauma and drama of what they do, they are controlling your life.
As long as you see them for what they are, in total allowance, you are empowered. Total allowance means you appreciate them as an ELF or rattlesnake. That's just who they are. Then if you like, you are free to enjoy their great parts.
So when people like this show up in your life, ask yourself “Truth, is this an ELF or a rattlesnake?”
This will remind you that no matter what they say or do, it has nothing to do with you, and you don't need to buy it as real.
And remember, you when you recognise them, you can also choose to smile and walk away/hang up/delete/remove them from your life.
Has someone been angry with you recently? Called you names for something you said or did?
How did you react? Did you start thinking you were stupid or wrong? Or perhaps you responded with your own anger?
Did any of that work out for you? If not, ask "What about this anger am I grateful for?"
There is always something. For example, what was their anger was trying to do? Control you? Distract you from something? Shut you down? Or maybe it was a mechanism for distracting them from something going on in their world and really had nothing to do with you?
Once you become aware of someone's anger, you can choose to keep it in your life or not. If you'd like them in your life you can say "This anger doesn't work for me. Does it work for you? Would you like to change it?"
If they say yes, great, there is an invitation for change. If not, then at least you know and you get to choose for you. If you prefer not to have them in your life, genuinely thank them for their interesting point of view, smile and walk away/hang up/delete/remove them from your contact list.
This question will help you step out of the autopilot of reacting to anger, which will only serve to distract you from creating the life you'd really like.
To change something, first get clear on exactly what you 'd like to change by asking “What is this?”
Next ask “Would I like to change it?” To change something, you must truly desire it and be willing to do whatever it takes.
Then you can ask “If so, how?”
Can you ever change someone else? No. The only thing you can change is you and your points of view. For example, do you get upset and fight back when friends, family or perfect strangers reprimand, bully or gaslight you about something you say or do? How well does that work out?
So what else is possible? Great question. When you ask a question, possibilities will show up. For example, in this case you could
- walk away and stop talking to them; they can't reprimand, bully or gaslight you if you're not around
- put your own points of view away, push all your barriers down, smile and ask them genuine questions about their points of view; you never know, if you ask the right questions with genuine interest they might learn something new...and so might you, or
- notice your buttons being pushed and smile; consider your friends, family and even perfect strangers are cute for trying to save you from your idiotic ideas/actions, saying “Thanks so much. Tell me more", then shut up, listen, nod and listen some more till they run out of steam.
Remember, just because you listen to their stories, doesn't mean you have to buy them.
If you were in a fire or in another emergency, would you freeze with fear? Or would you do what was required to keep everyone safe?
Would you lock yourself down in a panic of tears, waiting for someone to rescue you, hoping they'll be in time? Or would you unleash your own superhero reserves of energy, strength and resilience, sweeping up small children, grandmas and everyone else, carrying them down five flights beyond the flames to safety, in your underwear without fuss?
When you were little, was climbing trees scary or exciting? Was your mum's point of view "Aaagh!!! Get down from there!! Wait!!! I'm coming to help you!'"? And what about now? What do you think you're afraid of? Are you still waiting for your mum to save you?
If you're confused or not sure about what's going on when you have this sensation, ask yourself "Is this fear, or excitement?"
Perhaps you're not afraid, simply excited about a new challenge? And if so, how easily could you help save yourself and others from the fire?
Do you ever feel heat in your chest or pressure on your temples when someone says or does something you don't like? Do you find you can't think clearly, that you get angry or distracted from what you'd really like to do?
If you'd like to be free from the control and distraction of such uncomfortable physical sensations, recognise them as a sign you are in judgement. Then you can shift gear into allowance.
What is allowance? Allowance is where everything is just an interesting point of view and you have total freedom of choice.
Judgement limits you to what you have decided (or someone has told you) is right/wrong, good/bad. It's like being on an automatic pushbutton system of resist/react or agree/align, where you have no freedom of choice.
So next time you have a physical reaction to someone, ask “Am I in allowance or judgement?”
If you find you're in judgement, say “Interesting point of view I have that point of view” and expand outwards and remind yourself “What if I had infinite, free choice?” Depending on what's going on, you might need to repeat this several godzillian times until the heat dissipates.
What if being free from judgement allowed you to create the change you'd really like to see?
How often do you get stuck in a no-win fight? Do you enjoy it when other people won't listen to your opinion and only want you to see theirs?
How much stress, anxiety and worry do you suffer from trying to prove who's right and who's wrong about something?
Does this help your work or business? Do fights create, or use your time and money? What does stress, anxiety and worry do to your body and health?
Would you prefer to create greater ease in life for you and your body? Then practice these magic words “interesting point of view” every time you find yourself having a difference of opinion with someone.
You're not saying anyone is right or wrong. You're acknowledging everyone has a right to their own (perhaps insane) point of view, including you.
Say it lightly, smile and move on, for example “Yes, I see, thank you. That's a really interesting point of view. I wonder what would be the most rewarding outcome for our business/relationship/health/life right now? What else could we look at?”
This invites in new ideas and information that you might both find interesting.
Are you ever confronted with things that don't make sense, or by people who seem to be living in a parallel reality?
Does it stress you out, or make you sick from worry? How angry, upset, or hurt do you get?
Do you know everything about everything in the universe? Probably not (yet at least). So rather than causing yourself discomfort, damage, or dis-ease, next time when you're confronted by someone or something that does not fit within your view of the world, ask "What is this teaching me?"
Then ask questions and find out more about it.
You may end up holding the same point of view you had before. Or you may change your point of view to match theirs. Or you may change your point of view in a completely different way.
Whatever the outcome, your questions will create new possibilities and expand your awareness.
How much are you driven by having a 'true purpose'? A lot or a little?
Do you consider that you'll be happy or valued when you find it? Are all your questions always centred around it? Do you narrow your choices to fit within the purpose you've decided is right?
If so, ask yourself "What if having a 'true purpose' was a limitation?"
How free are your choices and possibilities when you decide you have a 'purpose'?
What if instead you had a priority? Does this feel lighter? Do you sense more choice and possibility?
An infinite being would choose limitation for what reason?
How often do you find yourself in a no-win argument or heated discussion? You've got all the facts at your finger tips, but others are simply not listening.
Or perhaps you're finding that other people always seem to be talking down to you, explaining and pontificating to you about things, as if you have no idea?
If you do and would like to change this, ask yourself "Am I dumber than dirt?"
Dirt knows what it is; do you? Dirt doesn't have to prove how smart it is.
What could you create if you weren't fixated on proving yourself to someone who simply doesn't care?
How much of your day do you spend judging things? Never, sometimes or constantly?
What's judgement? Any point of view you have about something being good/bad or right/wrong is a judgement. You know, when you think "Oh, that's no good" or "If only people would think/do this instead?" Or whenever someone else says something and you agree and align, or resist and reaction, you are in judgement.
There is nothing wrong with judging things, if that's fun for you. Be aware, however, that judging will only serve to distract you from being present in every moment and so limit your possibilities.
If you'd like to find out what is possible beyond the limitation of judgement, ask yourself "What if I judged nothing?" Nothing includes you and everyone else.
Then no matter what you or anyone else does, says, or thinks, smile and say to yourself "Interesting point of view" in total allowance.
After a while, you will become interesting point of view where you can see all possibilities, receive everything, and create the life you desire, free from the polarity of judgement.
How? Follow the energy, choose, notice what you create/shows up, then choose again. Repeat.
How many people do you meet who have such fixed points of view that they are never able to see beyond what they have decided is true, even when it smacks them in the face?
If you'd like someone to see beyond their self-imposed limitations, ask yourself "What wedgie could I ask?" A wedgie is a question that creates discomfort in someone's universe and is designed to get the other person to ask a question.
For example, when you notice someone has fixed points of view about something, instead of being triggered, trying to prove, or defending your own points of view by giving them too much information, make them uncomfortable by asking a wedgie.
For example, in total allowance say "Interesting. What if everything was the opposite of what it appears to be?" or "What if there was something about that situation that is a lie?"
Then stop talking. Sometimes you'll even need to let them sit with your question for weeks, until the discomfort becomes unbearable and they have to return and ask a question.
Questions create possibilities and now you have a tiny space to invite them to see different realities. Be gentle. Listen to them in total allowance and ask them lots more questions.
Have you ever had someone judge you for doing something — that you knew was not true — and wondered if they were actually talking about what they were doing? For example, when a partner accuses you of cheating on them (and you know you're not), did it occur to you that they might be doing the cheating?
Did you know that people will accuse you of the things they're doing, or about to do, so you won't see what's actually going on? Instead of seeing the truth about what's going on (which is usually quite obvious), you'll be distracted by compulsion to fight and defend yourself, or you'll slink away feeling bad and wrong about yourself.
When this happens, do you get angry? Anger in these circumstances can indicate a lie: the lie the other person is telling.
So, if you'd like to stay aware of what is going on and extract yourself from someone's control, ask yourself "Does this anger indicate a lie?" If you sense it does, all you need to do is to notice your anger, recognise the accusation is a lie, don't buy it as real, and you won't be impacted by it.
Be in allowance of them and you. Don't defend or judge it because if you align and agree, or resist and react, you are buying it as true. Instead ask questions. "What is this? Would I like to change it? Can I change it? If so how? You may not have to do anything. You may simply have to acknowledge it to change it.
And, if you'd like to have some fun and get yourself off auto-pilot. play this game in your head. Whenever someone says "You are mean" tell yourself "Aaah, they're telling me they are mean" or when someone says "You judge me all the time" tell yourself "Aaah, they are telling me they judge themselves/me all the time" And so on. Play with it. At worst it might just keep you distracted from being distracted.
What do you do when you're full of energy and ideas, seeking to create wonderful new things?
Do you stay focused on your target? Or are you distracted by the myriad of things you've decided could go 'wrong' and all the people who you know will try and bring you down?
Do you experience any physical sensations of dis-ease, in your stomach, head, neck, chest, or anywhere else?
If you sense you're being sucked into the vortex of distraction, ask "What will it take for me to be ease?"
When you're at ease, you function from elegance: creating the greatest amount with the least effort by following the energy of what's light for you and considering nothing 'wrong,' simply right things you don't yet get.
Do you strive for completion? Do you value having goals and focus your energy on achieving those? How do you feel when either you reach, or don't reach your goal? Does procrastination distract you along the way? Is the process fun?
If striving for completion does not give you the sense of fulfilment and satisfaction you were hoping for, and procrastination distracts you, ask "Having done this, what can I create from here?"
What if nothing was ever a completion? What if you considered your work, business and your life in general an ongoing creation, of which you were fully present and created elegantly and joyfully?
Elegance is the greatest result with the least effort. You create elegance when you are fully present and choose consciously and continuously. And procrastination? This often occurs when you have concluded something is a necessity, ignoring your awareness and without asking a question.
What if it were all just choice?
Have you ever tried to change something in your life continually, but to no effect even though you've asked a thousand genuine questions?
For example, has someone ever told you that you weren't good enough and you should try even harder? Or that something about you was not appropriate and you had to overcome it? Perhaps you're too vocal, disruptive, creative, poor, uneducated, powerless, unattractive, or have some other failing?
What if in fact, there was nothing wrong with you? What if you have been buying into a lie that someone else wanted to you to believe?
Is it possible to overcome, change or clear something that doesn't exist? What would you do if someone told you you were a rabbit? Would you believe them and work feverishly to change out of being a rabbit? Or would you say "Um, huh?" I'm not a rabbit. I'm me!" and get on with enjoying your life?
So if you'd like to create greater ease around things you have assumed were 'wrong' about you, and that you should change but so far haven't been able to, ask "What am I trying to clear that isn't true?"
If something's not true to start with, how can you clear it? Simply recognise the lie and it can no longer exist.
Think of one thing you'd really like to be, do, have in life today. Got it?
Now think of all those reason and justifications why you don't be, do, have it today. Got them?
What were they? You can't take the day off work? You don't have the money? You don't have anyone to help you? You've got too much else to do? You're not ready? You're not good enough? You'd be letting other people down? What would people think?
Are these really what stand in your way? Or is it your point of view about these things? What would happen if you changed your point of view?
If you'd like to create more possibility in your life, and less of the "I can't because..." ask yourself "Who or what is limiting me today?" and "What else would be possible if I changed my point of view?"
Who is the one who limits you really?
How often have you said "If only I had the money?"
Right now, ask yourself "What am I saying 'If only I had the money' about?" Would you buy something? Travel somewhere? Take a break? Study something? Move house? Change jobs? Make new friends? Have children? Feel less stressed? Be happier? Save the world?
Do you consider that money is the solution to your situation, problems, dissatisfaction, unhappiness in life?
Is it really? If money were the solution, then how is it that rich people have all the same complaints, problems, dissatisfaction and unhappiness in their lives as you?
If you'd like to free yourself from this distraction, ask "What if money weren't the solution?"
Once you free your attention from money, ask "What could I be, do, have, create differently that would contribute to the life I'd really like?"
What if YOU were always the solution, and just hadn't realised it?
How much of the Silly Season do you spend listening to people tell you directly, or indirectly how much rubbish you are?
Is that fun? Is it true? If not and you'd like something different, play this game. Whenever you sense someone is looking to criticise, hurt, insult, or provoke you, smile, nod gently and — without heat — reply "Hmm, really interesting point of view."
You are acknowledging their viewpoint and allowing them to enjoy it. You're not agreeing they're right, and you're not being distracted by falling into an angry, emotional reaction (which is usually what they really want so they can control you).
If you need to pull the heat out of an interest onslaught, tell them "You're right. I'm wrong" three times.
Our addiction to right and wrong, good and bad is one of the strongest we have. These two magic phrases will invite the energy of allowance into any Silly Season.
Just think, if everyone were in allowance, would family feuds, neighbouring conflicts, or even global wars, topple over like dominos?
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