Are you stuck in a rut with someone? Your insignificant other? A parent? Your boss? A co-worker? A celebrity or authority figure? Or even a friend?
Do you sense something is not quite right between you and them, and no matter what you do, you can't seem to make it work?
What have you decided this person means to you? Have you made them the answer to something?
For example, have you made your boy/girlfriend The One? Are your parents proof that you're The Good Child? Is your boss The Enemy around who you rally with your co-workers? Is a co-worker The Unfair Competition to excuse your own uninspired performance? Is the celebrity or authority figure The Hero Coming to Save the Day? Is your friend ...... [fill in their role and it's value here]?
If you'd like to be free from these limits and to see people for who they truly are — rather than what you've decided they are -- ask "What have I made this person mean to me?"
Then acknowledge it, and say farewell (to the rut).
If you'd like to continue having that person in your life, ask another question.
Do you find you are often disappointed by the way things turn out? Are you ever let down by what people say or do?
Have you ever tried to explain to someone exactly what behaviour and words would make things work like magic between you? Did they hear you? How often has someone tried to convince you that their point of view is what you really desire?
Can you control what other people do in their lives, even in relation to you? No. People will always do exactly what works for them and pay no attention to your point of view.
The only thing you can change is you. So if you'd like to be free of feeling disappointed or let down by other people, ask "What expectations do I have here?"
When you are clear about your expectations, ask another question, like "If I had no expectations of anything or anyone, what could I change to create the result I'd truly like?"
What if creating what you'd like in life was as simple as changing your point of view?
Do you ever find yourself talking about a particular topic to anyone who'll listen? Something you'd like people to notice and agree with you about? It could be about the state of the nation, the office, or people's houses, clothes or bodies? The Latest Crisis of the Week?
When you do that, notice your energy. Do you talk about it lightly as a question with an interesting point of view energy, and then get on with the fun of life?
Or do you sense a heaviness, a stickiness which distracts you from being joyful?
When you say interesting and get on with it, you are being aware and in allowance of it. When you get gummed up with its heaviness, you are the effect of it.
So if you'd like to have uninterrupted access to joy in life -- no matter what is going on in the world -- next time you notice yourself repeatedly thinking, saying or doing something, ask "Am I in allowance, or the effect of this?"
If you'd like to change something -- not simply talk about it -- ask more questions, like "What is this? Can I change it? If so how?" and "What action can I take"?
Do you have hideous amounts of money? Or just as much as you need to enjoy life? Perhaps you have none at all?
What have you decided money is? Dirty? A necessity? The root of all evil? The answer to your life?
Are any of these true? Or does money simply have the meaning you give it?
How much have you decided is okay to have? How did you decide? And have you defined the things you can enjoy to fit within its limits?
If you would like to change your money flows, start by clearing all the definitions you have about money, and ask "What have I decided money is?"
What if instead, you considered money a fun, fabulous tool to enable you to do all, and more, of the things you enjoy in life, including contributing to you, your friends, family and communities?
Would that be an invitation for more to come and play?
Have you ever been told you're too loud, too active, too energetic, too happy, too full of life and could you TURN IT DOWN or PUT A LID ON IT?
Do you feel bad about it? Do you feel wrong?
What if there were nothing wrong with you?
What if some people simply don't get your energy, your exuberant expression of life?
What if your energy and exuberance is an amazing capacity, a phenomenal talent? A gift the world needs?
If you'd like to remind yourself that your energy and exuberance is not wrong, and that some people will simply not get you and become angry or annoyed, ask yourself "How many people can I wake up with my exuberance today?"
Then smile and dance on.
What have you decided you don't want in your life? People who lie, cheat and steal? Unreliable and flakey people? Bossy and know-it-all people? What else?
How much energy do you spend judging others in an effort to keep certain people out of your life? Does it ever work? Is it fun for you? Does it expand your life in ways you'd like?
If not, rather than judging and excluding, be in allowance and inclusive.
When you exclude, you define the limits of what you are willing to receive and shut off your access to infinite possibilities.
So when you notice you're trying to avoid someone, ask "What am I excluding here, that if I were to be in allowance of would contribute to my life in ways I can't yet imagine?"
Will this put you at the mercy of other people? No. When you are aware and inclusive, you will see what's going on and how to choose the bits that work for you.
Be aware that they may end up excluding you from their lives. Why? Some people are only interested in you so long as you're under their control.
What title have you decided you must have to be valued? Girlfriend/ boyfriend? Husband/ wife? Mother/ father? Community leader? Volunteer? Best friend? Executive? Director? CEO? Master chef? Business person of the year? Dux? No. 1? Sir? Ma'am? Professor? Cool dude? What other title do you value?
Will a title make you into the person you'd like to be? Does not having it make you less? Or do you create you, regardless -- and often in spite of -- your title and other people's opinions?
When someone gives you a title do you automatically become that? Have you ever had a boss/ friend/ partner who wasn't that? Did their titles automatically make them what you desired?
And what if by accepting a title you limited yourself to what other people decided was right/ wrong good/ bad for that role, which may not work for you?
What if even without any title, you were an amazing gift to the world? So ask "What title am I limiting myself to, that if I didn't, would allow me to see and create the life I truly desire?"
What gift could you be if you chose for you, beyond the limits of any title?
Are you in a relationship? How's it going? Perhaps you're looking to change an existing one, or create a new one?
Start by getting clear on your definition. What words do you use to describe your preferred one? Honour, trust, vulnerability, gratitude, allowance, gift/receive, communion, contribution, generative, generosity of spirit, joy, fun, freedom?
Words like serious, promise, love, commitment, respect, responsibility, give/take, protect, maintain, keep, right/wrong, meaningful, obligation, security, compromise? Or perhaps others?
Which words feel light? Which feel heavy? There is no correct answer, just an awareness of your preferences.
If you don't have the relationship you'd like now, you may be using a definition that doesn't match what you truly desire.
So get clear and create what you'd like, rather than what others tell you is right, ask "What does relationship mean to me"
How much of the world is focused on brain power? What did you study? Where you studied? What are your qualifications?
Do you feel inadequate, that you're not smart enough, quick enough, or that you don't have enough information packed into your little grey cells? Have you decided you need to spend all day/week/year/rest of your life in the library or on the internet sucking up more?
Does your brain hold the answers to your life? Or is your brain just one part of you?
Does what you're seeking lie somewhere else?
Have you considered that if your brain really had the power to figure out your life, wouldn't it have done so already?
If so, and you'd like to access more of what you already know, ask "If I didn’t think, what would I know?"
What do you already know? What if a brain was a wonderful thing to waste?
Got a pain? Feeling sick?
Have you put your body in the hands of a 100+ doctors and other experts and still don't know what's wrong?
Have you asked your body?
What if it knew more than anyone? What if pain was simply your body screaming at you to listen?
It might start out as a slight twinge or ache: your body saying "Excuse me, I need something," which if you ignore becomes a nagging discomfort "Helloooooo! I REALLY need something!" Until finally your body screams in pain "HEY YOU!!!!! I NEED SOME ATTENTION NOW...OR ELSE!!!!!"
So before that happens ask "Body, what are you telling me?"
Once you start listening to your body, keep asking questions like "What information do I need?" and "Who do I need to talk to?" until you discover what your body is asking for.
Do you have a business? Do you get caught up in all the things you think you have to do to be successful and help it grow?
Do you run out of steam and worry about what you should be doing when things don't seem to be going so well?
When that happens, pause and ask "Who or what can I be or do today that will contribute to my business?"
Whatever awareness you have, notice it. Even if it seems strange — for example, go and get a massage when you think you should be doing your accounts — check how light it feels.
If it's light, it's right remember?
You never know where your awareness will lead you, and who or what you may meet on the way.
Do you have lots of great ideas for business and life in general? Do you get enthusiastic and pour loads of energy into them, but nothing seems to happen?
Then to top it off, someone ELSE comes out with exactly the same idea a little later and it's a hit! Does that get you down?
What if you were just too quick for the rest of the world? What if you were having ideas that are perfect for one, five or even ten years in the future?
So when you get a great idea, ask "Now or in the future?" Then notice what feels light: now / in the future. Remember, if it's light, it's right for you.
If it's in the future, write down your idea in a Special Ideas Notebook and re-visit it from time to time.
This is a great way to nurture and contribute energy to your ideas when the time is right.
What's your relationship with money?
Do you enjoy it? Is it a fun partner that helps you create the life you'd like? Or do you feel it has power over you and limits everything you do?
Does every cent you spend contribute to your life? Of does money leak out of your pocket and you never have enough?
If you'd like to change your relationship with money, next time you thing about buying something, ask "If I buy you, will you make me money?"
Certainly a banana, or shoes, or a book may not bring a direct cash return (unless you're a fruit, a shoe, or a bookshop owner). But what about their contribution to you in nutrition, style, information and feel good energy? Would that energy help you generate more money? Maybe?
When you ask the question, pay attention to your senses. Do you feel light or heavy?
If you feel heavy, then move on. You always know if something will contribute to you or not. How often do you ignore yourself?
So wake yourself up from sleep mode and ask "If I buy you, will you make me money?"
Would you like to create the life you'd truly like? If so, step out of judgement and into awareness.
What's the difference? Judgement, discrimination and discernment are fixed points of view. You will often feel emotional heat and even be willing to die to prove your points of view are right. Awareness, on the other hand, is simply an interesting point of view, that you can change with ease.
Judgements — regardless of whether they're good or bad — will serve only to control and limit you. Awareness gives you access to infinite possibilities.
So if you'd like to be free of limitation, whenever you find yourself coming to a conclusion, ask yourself "Am I in judgement?"
Then, if you find you are in judgement, repeat as many times as required "Everything, even my/their strongest option, is just an interesting point of view."
What is missing from your life? Money? People? Health? Fun? Would you like to expand your possibilities?
Then leave this word behind: want.
Want originally means 'lack' and as such it contains an energetic limitation. When you say "I want money" you are actually saying "I lack money." In other words you are reinforcing both your point of view, and your reality, of not having money.
If what you'd actually like is more money, then instead ask a question, for example "What will it take for more money to show up in my life?"
Questions will always help you see how you can create the change you're looking for.
So every time you catch yourself in the act of saying "I want XXXX," stop, smile and ask yourself "What if I didn't want for anything?" and then "What questions could I ask here instead, that would help me create what I'd really like?"
What decisions have you made about who or what you must be? A doctor, lawyer, public servant, part of the family business, father/mother, a good child, what else? Have you decided that to be anything else is to be less than?
Were they your ideas? Or someone else's?
Whatever reasons you may have given yourself, decisions with only limit you. You've decided, so you can't change it, even if it's no longer working for you.
Questions on the other hand will help you see possibilities you might not have been willing or able to see before. Questions will empower you to choose consciously what you'd really like.
So if you'd like to create the life you'd really enjoy, the world you'd prefer to live in, ask "What have I decided I must be?" followed by "If I could choose anything, who and what would I be?" and then "What action can I take?"
You may choose exactly the same as you are now. Or you may not.
In either case, the choice will be consciously yours, so how will you feel about it? The same or different?
Do you sometimes do things that, well, just don't work out? In fact, you create complete rubbish?
When you do this, do you default to how bad, wrong, terrible and awful you are? Yes, you're a failure, just like they always said you were.
How does that feel? Does it help you at all?
Probably not. So what if instead, you acknowledged that you can be an awesome creator of rubbish?
Say "Gee, I'm cute, but not bright!" Then laugh and ask "What's right about this I'm not getting?" and "What else is possible?"
If you can create magnificent rubbish, you can undoubtedly create magnificent magnificence too. You just have to ask and take notice.
What's the value of making yourself wrong anyway? It's much more fun to be Cute, Not Bright.
One of the greatest limitations in work, business and life in general is when you decide something is right, best or perfect.
The right subject to study, the right school, the right career, the right job, the right person for the job, the right product, the right strategy. The One.
Why? It stops you looking for anything greater and blinds you to other possibilities.
So even if you think your work, business, relationship, strategy or life is working very nicely right now, and you don't feel stuck or limited by anything, ask “If I didn't do it this way, what other ways could I do it?”
This is an invitation for greater awareness. Especially if you're in the business of change. Questioning the people and strategies you think are the answer, can make you an industry leader and innovator.
And if you do end up choosing to do things the same way as before with the same people, it will be because that is still the most generative option. Not because you were stuck in a rut or blinded.
Do you know people who sometimes say or do not-nice things. Maybe you have some in your social media comments feed right now?
Does this upset you and leave you scratching your head, wondering why they would do or say that? Does it distract you from what you'd rather be doing?
Are they an ELF or a rattlesnake? An ELF is an evil little freak (or other word starting with F) who simply enjoys being mean for fun. While nature has designed rattlesnakes to bite you whenever they feel threatened. That's just what they are.
When you make them wrong and get sucked into the trauma and drama of what they do, they are controlling your life.
As long as you see them for what they are, in total allowance, you are empowered. Total allowance means you appreciate them as an ELF or rattlesnake. That's just who they are. Then if you like, you are free to enjoy their great parts.
So when people like this show up in your life, ask yourself “Truth, is this an ELF or a rattlesnake?”
This will remind you that no matter what they say or do, it has nothing to do with you, and you don't need to buy it as real.
And remember, you when you recognise them, you can also choose to smile and walk away/hang up/delete/remove them from your life.
Are the things you'd like not showing up in your life?
Perhaps you're (select any and all that apply): smart, educated, articulate, hard working, diligent, polite, kind, good looking, well connected, in the zone, lucky, [enter your own special talents here _________________________], and generally have everything going for you, and yet the things you'd like are just not showing up. What is that?
Do you have any of these points of view?
Having any of these, or similar points of view will cut off your ability to receive. In other words, even when things try to show up in your life, you won't see or allow them in.
So if you'd like to allow the things you'd like into your life, ask yourself “What am I unwilling to receive?”
When you're clear on your points of view about receiving, ask "What's it going to take for X to show up?" again. Then notice what shows up - no matter in what form and including somebody else's point of view - and ask "What action could I take?"
Do you use drugs of any kind? Hard drugs, pharmaceutical drugs, tobacco, or alcohol in excessive amounts? Do you have any other compulsive behaviour, for example with food, exercise, feeling bad about yourself, or helping / bullying people , that you think you can't change? Maybe you're a control freak who works 24/7 to prove you're right?
What does this behaviour add to your life?
Do you use it to dull or heighten your awareness about something? Does it free you from pain, physical, emotional or intellectual? Does it create a space where you feel more you?
How real is that awareness, freedom and space? Completely, or not at all?
What if you could create real, total awareness, freedom and space which does not rely on anything but you?
If you'd like to find out, ask “What does this [your addictive or compulsive behaviour] add to my life, and what information do I require that would empower me to create that in other ways?”
Visit http://www.marilynbradford.com/right-recovery-for-you.html for more information.
Are you addicted to organising everything around you, designing the perfect system, keeping the perfect house, sticking to the ultimate schedule, or something else?
Do you get irritated - even downright cranky - when the ducks don't line up and the kittens don't herd? Does your blood pressure rise when something flies in from out of the blue and destroys your carefully constructed order?
If so, and you'd prefer to avoid bursting a blood vessel, ask yourself "What if I created my life from chaos?"
Consider nature, where the most highly functional and efficient systems exist in apparent chaos. Like flowers and bees. In nature, do flowers grow in neatly ordered rows? No. Myriads of flowers flourish randomly wherever they can. And yet bees easily find the kind that suits them (bees are not all the same you know), pollinate them, and contribute elegantly and powerfully to the cycle of life.
This is not to suggest you create random, artificial chaos. Simply that even if things appear messy, you need not be the effect of them if you can see where to collect the pollen.
Are you willing to be aware of the flowers regardless of any apparent chaos that comes your way?
Do you ever think yourself into a knotty ball of confusion? Listing pros and cons, researching 'true' and 'false,' collecting background info to analyse to death from all angles, trying to figure out what to do? To get it RIGHT. Whether it's which subject to study, job to choose, car to buy, relationship to pursue, or what choice to make about you and your family's health?
Do you enjoy this process? Is it as fast and easy as you'd like? How does it usually work out?
If you don't enjoy it and would prefer a faster, easier – and dare I say it more reliable for you – approach, next time you find yourself embarking on a thought journey into the abyss ask “If I didn't think about this, what would I know?”
You know those moments when you just know something? It feels right and light to you, even though others think you're crazy?
Only you can really know what is right for you. Are you willing to trust you more? Life might become a whole lot easier.
Are you smart? Are you aware of everything going on around you in all time, space and dimensions, seeing connections, pasts and futures that no one else can see?
And yet do you find that other people always seem to be talking down to you, explaining and pontificating on things to you, as if you had no idea?
How do you react? Do you nod, smile and think "interesting"? Or do you get annoyed, worked up, and drawn into a meaningless circular argument? Do people ever concede you known what you're talking about?
If not and you'd like greater ease in these situations ask "What if I didn't need to prove I was smart"?
Does trying to prove you're smart mean that you've actually decided you're not? Is that true? Or did you buy that point of view from someone, sometime?
When you try to prove you’re smart, you have to have all the answers. What if your smarts - your awareness - was the thing that could point out where the answers end and the questions begin? What else could be possible then?
Do you ever feel heat in your chest or pressure on your temples when someone says or does something you don't like? Do you find you can't think clearly, that you get angry or distracted from what you'd really like to do?
If you'd like to be free from the control and distraction of such uncomfortable physical sensations, recognise them as a sign you are in judgement. Then you can shift gear into allowance.
What is allowance? Allowance is where everything is just an interesting point of view and you have total freedom of choice.
Judgement limits you to what you have decided (or someone has told you) is right/wrong, good/bad. It's like being on an automatic pushbutton system of resist/react or agree/align, where you have no freedom of choice.
So next time you have a physical reaction to someone, ask “Am I in allowance or judgement?”
If you find you're in judgement, say “Interesting point of view I have that point of view” and expand outwards and remind yourself “What if I had infinite, free choice?” Depending on what's going on, you might need to repeat this several godzillian times until the heat dissipates.
What if being free from judgement allowed you to create the change you'd really like to see?
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