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Are you frustrated or upset by anyone in your life? Is someone driving you crazy? Are they too loud, too bossy, too flaky, too up-down-turn-around, too...add your pet peeve here.
Would you like more ease in your life when you're around them, assuming you have to, or would like to be around them? If so, ask “What am I grateful to them for?” and acknowledge them for that. There will always be at least one thing, if not more. Parents who drive you nuts, and are always there to help you with your kids. A friend who is predictably unpredictable, and has shown you people function differently. A lover who picks insane fights, and is great at....um....other things. When you acknowledge someone for who they are, and are grateful for their great bits, you are free and empowered to make the most of the great bits, without being at the effect of the rest.
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If you have something in your life you've been trying to change continually to no effect, ask "What do I love about this?"
How willing are you to change or let go of things you love? Not much? Not at all? Are you ever distracted by a fear that you will never have it again. For example, a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all? When something is not working for you, first get clear on what parts of it you love. Then you can ask other questions like "What would it take for me to find something else that would be an even greater contribution to my life?" and "What would it take for the parts of this that are not working for me, to change into something greater than I could imagine?" When you become clear what you love about something – and are willing to let it go, or demand that it change – you will no longer be weighed down by it. Instead, you will have the freedom to choose it, or not choose it. The reality is, you always have choice. Something not working in your life? Feeling unhappy or stuck? Do you see yourself as a victim and without hope? Do you think you're hard up and done over by someone?
Are these points of view limiting you, preventing you from creating the life you'd really like? Would you like to change that? People stay in the role of the mournful victim all the time because it has some value for them. For example
On the other hand, some people simply don't realize they have the choice to change. Was that you? Now you know you can choose, would you like to? If so ask “What's the value of hanging on to this?” If it has no value, you would hang on to it for what reason? The reality is, you always have choice. How often do you limit your choices, before you even consider them, by deciding you don't have the time or the money?
Time and money are two reasons (excuses) people will always give for not doing something. What if you took them out of the equation so you could see what you'd really like to choose? To find out, ask “If time and money weren't the issue, what would I choose?” Once you are clear on your true desire, you can ask other questions to make it happen, for example
Make sure you ask for more than you think you want, or can even imagine, without incurring hardship, by adding “...with ease, or something greater?” Do you find you other people are always telling you what to do, things that you'd rather not do, and convince you to give up the things you prefer?
Other people will always try to get you to do things, using obligation and guilt to control you. Why? It makes their lives easier, and you usually do what they tell you to, so why not? Listening to other people's points of view can be useful. You can learn a great deal. And did you know that when you don't feel light and wonderful about a request or demand, you don't have to do it? Next time someone asks/tells you to do something, first ask yourself "Does this work for me?" If it light light and breezy, then go ahead and do it. And if not, smile and with a light, joyful energy say “Thank you so much for thinking of me! Great idea! It doesn't work for me right now. What will it take for you to find someone to get it done? Then smile again and change the subject. You are stating a fact about which no one can argue (it doesn't work for you right now). Don't offer a reason or excuse; these only allow the conversation to continue. If people push you, smile again and say “I'm sorry, it doesn't work for me. It's an interesting idea and I'm sure other people will be keen." And if that still doesn't work, smile and walk away/hang up/delete/block/ whatever it takes until your lightness returns. What if your body was a whole lot smarter than you ever gave it credit for?
What if its aches and pains were telling you much more than what vitamins and minerals you need? You know the feeling of heartbreak? It's a very real physical ache. People have died from it. What about other physical symptoms? Find out by asking“Body, who or what
Do you like helping people? Is is important to you? What is it about helping people you enjoy? Do you feel worthy? Does it make you feel valued and valuable? Do you want to save them from something?
What don't you enjoy? Are you frustrated when you give your best to someone but they don't seem to want it or appreciate it? Are you shocked or saddened when friends and family get angry or upset at you when you're simply trying to help them? Do you find that no matter how much you help people, some simply never seem to change? There is nothing wrong with wanting to help people. It's awesome. Empowering people to know they can change anything in their lives is a gift. Just know that even when you do your best, people will choose what they choose, and it's got nothing to do with you. People choose what they do because somewhere, somehow, they like it. If you'd like to get clear about why and how you can help people with greater ease ask “What's the value of helping people?” What if rather than being distracted by trying to help people who simply don't want your help, you asked "What other action could I take to create the changes I'd like?" How much do you put off doing? How much do you not do all because you think you won't succeed? How often do you end up doing something less than you'd like as a result?
What do hesitation and fear contribute to your life? Is there any value in having them? Or are they simply distractions that keep you from creating what you'd truly like? If you'd like to be free from their control to create the relationships, work, business, life and change you'd really like, ask “What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?” This will clear such distractions so you see what you'd really like to choose. Then ask "What action can I take?" Are you willing to have that much freedom? One of the greatest limitations in work, business and life in general is when you decide something is right, best or perfect.
The right subject to study, the right school, the right career, the right job, the right person for the job, the right product, the right strategy. The One. Why? It stops you looking for anything greater and blinds you to other possibilities. So even if you think your work, business, relationship, strategy or life is working very nicely right now, and you don't feel stuck or limited by anything, ask “If I didn't do it this way, what other ways could I do it?” This is an invitation for greater awareness. Especially if you're in the business of change. Questioning the people and strategies you think are the answer, can make you an industry leader and innovator. And if you do end up choosing to do things the same way as before with the same people, it will be because that is still the most generative option. Not because you were stuck in a rut or blinded. How often have you shared your excitement with someone about something, only to have them pour cold water over you saying things like “Really? You do know that's crazy...?” or “You did WHAT? Don't you know it's not going to work because of A, B C...Z?”, and even“OMG how STUPID could you be???!!!”
How was that? Not much fun? What happened to your excitement and joy? Did you start doubting yourself, thinking that you really must be stupid? And definitely wrong? Just because someone else doesn't get it, doesn't mean you don't. What if you knew a whole lot more than most people? At least you know what's right and light for you. How would anyone else know that? So when you are enjoying yourself or have a great new idea, remind yourself you know that you know. And say “Just for me, just for fun, never tell anyone.”who-can-i-smile-at-today.html And if you do share your joy with someone and they don't get it, smile and thank them for their interesting point of view. Then return to your fun and excitement. What if that could change the world? Do you feel your life is too full, too busy? Are you overwhelmed with all the things you have to do? Or perhaps it bores you?
Do you assume that to make life easier you need to eliminate something? How often do you start by cutting out the things you enjoy, to do something for someone else? Rather than assume you need to do more with less, that you can't afford something, that no one will help you, and you certainly shouldn't enjoy yourself when 'things need to be done,' start by asking “What else could I add to my life?” For example, what if you added a partner, assistant, cleaner, driver, advisor, or asked your spouse, children, parents, friends, employees, boss, technology to do more (or something!)? Perhaps you've started a new project, or have a new target you'd like to reach, or surpass?. What information/joy/playfulness/support/else could you add to your life to help generate this with ease, or something greater? What if simply sprinkling a smile here and there throughout your day created more than you could possibly imagine? Are you stuck? Is something or someone not working out the way you'd like? Or perhaps you'd just prefer to generate something even better in your life?
Whenever you'd like to create change, start by asking a question. Any question. Why? A question creates an opening for something that you might not have been able, or willing to see before, to come into view. A question also empowers you to shift out from wherever you're been stuck. . An answer, decision, conclusion, or judgement serves only to limit your field of vision and disempower you. This is the aim of The Daily Q; providing you a bunch of the simplest, most effective questions within easy reach. So today's question is for when you have a brain freeze and can't think of a question. Ask yourself “What question could I ask here?” It's so simple it might even make you smile, which is always good too. Do you ever ask this question? Or do you usually wake up and think “How much do I have to get done today?”
Have you noticed that no matter how much you do get done, your To Do list never ends? How does that feel? Light and breezy, or like a dead weight on your back? What if you could create everything in your life – including all the normal day-to-day stuff like running the house, managing the kids, lobbying your elected representatives, changing the world and so on – and have fun at the same time? You won't know till you ask for it, so start by asking “How much fun can I have today?” What if by enjoying every moment of your life you could get more done than you'd ever imagined, and faster? How much fun would that be? What if happiness was just a choice? Do you know people who sometimes say or do not-nice things. Maybe you have some in your social media comments feed right now?
Does this upset you and leave you scratching your head, wondering why they would do or say that? Does it distract you from what you'd rather be doing? Are they an ELF or a rattlesnake? An ELF is an evil little freak (or other word starting with F) who simply enjoys being mean for fun. While nature has designed rattlesnakes to bite you whenever they feel threatened. That's just what they are. When you make them wrong and get sucked into the trauma and drama of what they do, they are controlling your life. As long as you see them for what they are, in total allowance, you are empowered. Total allowance means you appreciate them as an ELF or rattlesnake. That's just who they are. Then if you like, you are free to enjoy their great parts. So when people like this show up in your life, ask yourself “Truth, is this an ELF or a rattlesnake?” This will remind you that no matter what they say or do, it has nothing to do with you, and you don't need to buy it as real. And remember, you when you recognise them, you can also choose to smile and walk away/hang up/delete/remove them from your life. Have you ever noticed that you're a little too smart or too fast for most people? What you get in a heartbeat, others can take minutes or even years to get, if ever?
Sometimes it's most effective to be Cute Not Bright...even though you're not. Instead of fighting to be heard or understood, play the Blonde game and ask “I'm sorry. I'm confused. I thought it was A B C. Now someone tells me its X Y Z. What do you know? Can you please show me X to help me understand?” Practice saying this authentically with a pure, innocent Blonde energy (it won't work using your natural more-powerful-than-a-locomotive vibe). When people are telling you something in a SHOUTY voice as if you're an IDIOT, oblige them by asking Dumb And Confused questions. Gently lead them to either tell you what you already knew (but which they would never admit if you challenged them) or admit they can tell you, but they can't show you. The aim is not to prove you're right and they're wrong. This is a tool to help you get the result you desire, with the greatest ease. Are the things you'd like not showing up in your life?
Perhaps you're (select any and all that apply): smart, educated, articulate, hard working, diligent, polite, kind, good looking, well connected, in the zone, lucky, [enter your own special talents here _________________________], and generally have everything going for you, and yet the things you'd like are just not showing up. What is that? Do you have any of these points of view?
Having any of these, or similar points of view will cut off your ability to receive. In other words, even when things try to show up in your life, you won't see or allow them in. So if you'd like to allow the things you'd like into your life, ask yourself “What am I unwilling to receive?” When you're clear on your points of view about receiving, ask "What's it going to take for X to show up?" again. Then notice what shows up - no matter in what form and including somebody else's point of view - and ask "What action could I take?" How much of what you do everyday is driven by your desire to be acknowledged and validated?
Are you always seeking someone's approval, consciously or unconsciously? Do you ever get it? Probably not as often as you'd like. And how often to people shout or laugh at you, telling you you're wrong and a stupid idiot? And what then? Do you try even harder to be seen? If this is not fun and you find you're doing things you don't really enjoy, hoping to please someone else, ask“What if I didn't need to prove myself to anyone?” What if you were absolutely awesome just as you are and did not need anyone else to approve you? Would that make life easier and more fun? Has someone been angry with you recently? Called you names for something you said or did?
How did you react? Did you start thinking you were stupid or wrong? Or perhaps you responded with your own anger? Did any of that work out for you? If not, ask "What about this anger am I grateful for?" There is always something. For example, what was their anger was trying to do? Control you? Distract you from something? Shut you down? Or maybe it was a mechanism for distracting them from something going on in their world and really had nothing to do with you? Once you become aware of someone's anger, you can choose to keep it in your life or not. If you'd like them in your life you can say "This anger doesn't work for me. Does it work for you? Would you like to change it?" If they say yes, great, there is an invitation for change. If not, then at least you know and you get to choose for you. If you prefer not to have them in your life, genuinely thank them for their interesting point of view, smile and walk away/hang up/delete/remove them from your contact list. This question will help you step out of the autopilot of reacting to anger, which will only serve to distract you from creating the life you'd really like. Do you use drugs of any kind? Hard drugs, pharmaceutical drugs, tobacco, or alcohol in excessive amounts? Do you have any other compulsive behaviour, for example with food, exercise, feeling bad about yourself, or helping / bullying people , that you think you can't change? Maybe you're a control freak who works 24/7 to prove you're right?
What does this behaviour add to your life? Do you use it to dull or heighten your awareness about something? Does it free you from pain, physical, emotional or intellectual? Does it create a space where you feel more you? How real is that awareness, freedom and space? Completely, or not at all? What if you could create real, total awareness, freedom and space which does not rely on anything but you? If you'd like to find out, ask “What does this [your addictive or compulsive behaviour] add to my life, and what information do I require that would empower me to create that in other ways?” Visit http://www.marilynbradford.com/right-recovery-for-you.html for more information. To change something, first get clear on exactly what you 'd like to change by asking “What is this?”
Next ask “Would I like to change it?” To change something, you must truly desire it and be willing to do whatever it takes. Then you can ask “If so, how?” Can you ever change someone else? No. The only thing you can change is you and your points of view. For example, do you get upset and fight back when friends, family or perfect strangers reprimand, bully or gaslight you about something you say or do? How well does that work out? So what else is possible? Great question. When you ask a question, possibilities will show up. For example, in this case you could - walk away and stop talking to them; they can't reprimand, bully or gaslight you if you're not around - put your own points of view away, push all your barriers down, smile and ask them genuine questions about their points of view; you never know, if you ask the right questions with genuine interest they might learn something new...and so might you, or - notice your buttons being pushed and smile; consider your friends, family and even perfect strangers are cute for trying to save you from your idiotic ideas/actions, saying “Thanks so much. Tell me more", then shut up, listen, nod and listen some more till they run out of steam. Remember, just because you listen to their stories, doesn't mean you have to buy them. Something going on in your life that is just not sitting right with you? First get clear on exactly what you are stuck on by asking “What is this?”
Once you are clear on the issue, then you can get clear on whether you really would like to change it or not. How often have you been unable to change something because somewhere, deep down (or even just under the surface), you really didn't desire change? If you prefer not to change, that's OK. When you get clear on that, you'll be free from the stress of trying to change something continuously to no effect. Perhaps you thought you needed to change it because someone told you you had to? On the other hand, if you would like to change something, you can, as long as you're willing to do whatever it takes. Are you willing? To find out ask “Would I like to change it?” Whenever you find you can't create the change you'd like, it's because you are unwilling to do or be something. If you were in a fire or in another emergency, would you freeze with fear? Or would you do what was required to keep everyone safe?
Would you lock yourself down in a panic of tears, waiting for someone to rescue you, hoping they'll be in time? Or would you unleash your own superhero reserves of energy, strength and resilience, sweeping up small children, grandmas and everyone else, carrying them down five flights beyond the flames to safety, in your underwear without fuss? When you were little, was climbing trees scary or exciting? Was your mum's point of view "Aaagh!!! Get down from there!! Wait!!! I'm coming to help you!'"? And what about now? What do you think you're afraid of? Are you still waiting for your mum to save you? If you're confused or not sure about what's going on when you have this sensation, ask yourself "Is this fear, or excitement?" Perhaps you're not afraid, simply excited about a new challenge? And if so, how easily could you help save yourself and others from the fire? What have you decided you must keep being/ doing/ having, no matter what? You made a decision, so you'll stick to it even if it kills you. After all, that's the right way to live, isn't it?
Maybe. Or would you prefer another option to killing yourself to prove you're right? What if instead, you created your life by consciously choosing things that contributed to your life in ways you enjoy? How? Ask “If I had 10 seconds to live the rest of my life, what would I choose?” This is not about making random changes for change's sake. The question is designed to remind you what science says: this is a free-will universe and you have choice. You may end up choosing the same thing continuously every 10 seconds, as long as it works. And if one day it doesn't, you'll know and you can choose something else that does. How many things do you have in your life that don't work for you, that you think you have to be/do/have because someone else said so?
You have to study for that exam, go to that school, study that subject, enter that company, learn that language, marry that person, have that many children, attend that event, vote for that person, put that in your body, follow that rule and so on. How well do you do them? Just because someone else says you need to be/do/have something is a good idea, will it always work out well for you? Who is the one person who does know what will work for you and what is true for you? YOU. Only you know if something works for you. It feels light as a feather. Unlike all the heavy stuff you know doesn't work for you, but you do anyway because you were told to. So if you're not as happy as you'd like to be, start listening and trusting you more by asking "Does this work for me?" Notice whether you feel heavy or light. And if you'd like to change any heaviness, ask "What else is possible?" What would you like to have show up in your life?
A great new job, a successful business, smart staff, more customers, reliable suppliers, an investor, money, greater ease, less stress, better health, more fun? For life to become better than the normal you had before the fear and panic? Something else? Whatever that is, invite it into your life by asking "What's it going to take for X to show up?" Be aware of the specific details of your question. For example, if you ask for the 'perfect job,' you may create a job based on other people's expectations of perfect, including how long and hard you have to work, doing whatever your boss says even if it makes no sense, taking sides in office politics, and so on. So instead, be clear on what you'd like by asking, for example “What's it going to take for [a rewarding job that I enjoy and allows me to extend my talents, with flexible, fun, creative people] to show up, that would contribute to my life more than I can imagine, or something greater?” Make sure that when you ask, you let go of any conclusions you might have made about what it will look like, and how it will show up, and be willing to receive it when it does. You never know what might happen when you ask a question. |
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