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Do you have someone sick or suffering in your life? Are you surrounded by well meaning family and friends, and highly trained medical professionals all telling you how it's going to get worse and worse?
What happens to plants when you direct negative thoughts, words and actions at them? Science shows us they wither and die. Are people any different? What if rather than contributing like this to someone's deterioration by adding your voice to the throng, you asked the person suffering "What contribution could I be to you?" Then listen and honour the person by being that, even if it's just to hold their hand and smile. You are not expecting a miracle recovery, even if it's possible and could occur. You are honouring the person and offering them energy, space, allowance, and possibility. What different could you be by contributing that?
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What fixed points of view do you have about who and what you have to be/ do/ have/ think in life?
For example, I have to get married because my mother expects it. I can't take a year off school to travel because my father wouldn't like it. I have to get into that organisation because otherwise I'll be a failure. I have to cook dinner every night otherwise I'll be a bad parent. I can't be nice because the tough kids will make fun of me. I can't speak my mind because people will call me a 'Karen.' I have to believe everything other people tell me or I'll have no friends. Do you spend all your energy, time and money on this hamster wheel? Is it fun? Does it create the happiness you'd like? If not, ask "What could be possible if I changed my point of view?" What if every 'I have to' and 'I can't' were just points of view that you could change? What point of view would you start with? Are you happy with life? It's okay to say you are. But you probably can't, or won't admit it, right?
What is that? When did you decide that you couldn't be happy and had to be dissatisfied and complain about life? Would you like to have more happiness in life? Will moaning and groaning create it? Or will choosing to be happy create it? If you'd like to find out, ask "What can I smile about today?" and then SMILE and smile some more. You may only find one thing to start with. A really great cup of coffee. A break in the traffic. A clear blue sky. So SMILE. You can also smile at the not-so-great stuff. Illogically restrictive regulations. SMILE. Waterfalls of fear around you. SMILE. Unable to see family or friends. SMILE. Lost your job. SMILE. Feeling depressed. SMILE. After a while, like magic, your sense of happiness will expand and you'll see more and more great stuff in life. Previously unthought of possibilities emerging like new grown weeds from a scorched earth. You may even infect others with your choice to choose happiness, and would that be something to smile about? Got something going on? Feeling a little down? Do you turn to your family, friends, or insignificant other for comfort, kindness, and a listening ear? Or maybe you share your soul on The Socials?
What do they offer you? Do they tell you what you're doing wrong and how, if you lived you're life like them, everything would be great? Or do they sympathise and help you reinforce your victim status? How is that for you? Does it make you feel better? Are you really looking for answers? Or are you seeking something else? Maybe a hug, a smile, a space to be you? Are you willing to create this for yourself, if no one else will? If so, ask "What will nurture me?" and be/ do/ have that. It could be anything. Blowing off the afternoon to do the thing you love to do to relax and makes you smile. And remember, next time someone comes to YOU like this, ask them "What can I do for you?" then listen, smile, create space, ask more questions, and shut up. Got a pain? Feeling sick?
Have you put your body in the hands of a 100+ doctors and other experts and still don't know what's wrong? Have you asked your body? What if it knew more than anyone? What if pain was simply your body screaming at you to listen? It might start out as a slight twinge or ache: your body saying "Excuse me, I need something," which if you ignore becomes a nagging discomfort "Helloooooo! I REALLY need something!" Until finally your body screams in pain "HEY YOU!!!!! I NEED SOME ATTENTION NOW...OR ELSE!!!!!" So before that happens ask "Body, what are you telling me?" Once you start listening to your body, keep asking questions like "What information do I need?" and "Who do I need to talk to?" until you discover what your body is asking for. Is someone giving you hell? No matter what you do or say, you're always wrong? Perhaps you really did do something less than bright, and they're coming down on you hard?
How do you respond? Do you try to justify your actions and prove that you're not wrong and are doing your best? Does that work? Even if you really did nothing wrong, do people believe you and make your life easy? If you'd like to vacuum up all the bad feelings and start again, do this: first acknowledge the other person's point of view. Say "You're right. I'm wrong" three times, naturally in various ways. Then ask "What can I do to make up for the damage I've done?" Check your energy matches thewords. Sarcastic or angry energy won't work. The magic is in the energy of allowance and vulnerability. When you are willing to give up your points of view about being right, then you are free to create new possibilities. At the very least, this will difficult people them off your back, so you can get on with the fun of living. Yes. I know this is not a question. Sometimes no question will make it stop. So try this instead.
Some people love to fight. Do you? Some will fight to the death to prove the rightness of their point of view. Some just like to fight for the fun of it. In either case, will anything you say or do change their mind and resolve the fight? Do you ever see the insanity of an argument and try to stop it or change it with well considered and logical arguments? Does it ever work? Or do you get more frustrated, tangled and drawn into the fight? If you don't enjoy arguing and would like to move beyond the with to new possibilities, smile and say "You're right. I'm wrong" three times. You're not agreeing the other person is right. You're acknowledging their right to their point of view, and you are being in allowance of them not seeing yours. The words are easy. The energy behind the words might take practice. Saying these words sarcastically or angrily will not work. Your energy must be of complete allowance. Will they work? Next time someone wants a fight, use them and find out. Feeling down? Got a long list of reasons why the world sucks and your life is no good?
Sure, it's easy to get that way. No work. No money. No freedom. Stress levels are high. This is how much of the world is functioning on default to fear and worry. Would you like to default differently? Then choose to be happy. What if it really were that simple? Ask “What if happiness were just a choice?” and smile. What can you do when things go 'wrong'? Ask another question like “What's right about this that I'm not getting” or even better "What's funny about this that I'm not getting?" and smile again. What if your smile alone invited others to a different default? Are you feeling ill or exhausted? Do you have aches and pains that baffle the doctors? Baffle you?
Before you start on a carousel of drug-taking to see if you can alleviate the symptoms, ask “What am I sick and tired of?” Maybe it's doom and gloom stories in the media? Not being able to visit or hug loved ones? Or being told what to do but your own questions and points of view are censored. Or something else like housework/home schooling/working from home/what else? Whatever that is for you, when you think of it and groan and slump, worry and fear, or stress and sweat ask “What else is possible?” and “Can I change this? If so, how?” Perhaps simply choose not to listen to/switch off/walk away from the stories? Or ask "What information do I need?" and "What action can I take?" - repeat - until you no longer feel sick and tired. What if your body's discomfort was it screaming at you to change something and create a new life, greater than you could have imagined? How often have you shared your excitement with someone about something, only to have them pour cold water over you saying things like “Really? You do know that's crazy...?” or “You did WHAT? Don't you know it's not going to work because of A, B C...Z?”, and even“OMG how STUPID could you be???!!!”
How was that? Not much fun? What happened to your excitement and joy? Did you start doubting yourself, thinking that you really must be stupid? And definitely wrong? Just because someone else doesn't get it, doesn't mean you don't. What if you knew a whole lot more than most people? At least you know what's right and light for you. How would anyone else know that? So when you are enjoying yourself or have a great new idea, remind yourself you know that you know. And say “Just for me, just for fun, never tell anyone.”who-can-i-smile-at-today.html And if you do share your joy with someone and they don't get it, smile and thank them for their interesting point of view. Then return to your fun and excitement. What if that could change the world? Do you ever ask this question? Or do you usually wake up and think “How much do I have to get done today?”
Have you noticed that no matter how much you do get done, your To Do list never ends? How does that feel? Light and breezy, or like a dead weight on your back? What if you could create everything in your life – including all the normal day-to-day stuff like running the house, managing the kids, lobbying your elected representatives, changing the world and so on – and have fun at the same time? You won't know till you ask for it, so start by asking “How much fun can I have today?” What if by enjoying every moment of your life you could get more done than you'd ever imagined, and faster? How much fun would that be? What if happiness was just a choice? Do you ever feel tired, worried, drained, or simply at a loss as what to do?
If so, ask "What if I connected with nature?" Then go out in person and do it. Walk in the park. Hug a tree. Chat to the birds. Take your shoes and socks off and get your feet on the ground. The worse that will happen is you'll get dirt on your feet. The best is your whole life may change. And at the very least, your body will thank you for the fresh air, sunlight and blood pumping around your body making you stronger and your mind clearer. Have you ever considered the perfect, balanced, strong, simplicity of nature abundant with naturally replenishing resources? Ever noticed that every part of nature — with the exception of modern-day humans — can have everything it needs for an abundant life without needing to 'deserve' or pay for it? What if you could have that too? What would that take? It all starts simply by connecting with nature and asking the question. Are you aware of people actively working against you?
How do you respond? Do you feel you have no choice but to resist and react, to make choices based on what they've done or said? Do you try to prove you are/are not whatever they've said you are/are not? Are you distracted by the fight? If you'd like another possibility, ask yourself "What if I outsmarted people who were trying to undo me?" When you're aware of what's going on and willing to ask questions, you step into the possibility of out-creating those who seek to keep you trapped in their narrative. What if rather than resisting and reacting to other people, you take action based on what you know is true for you? What if 'outsmarting' was as simple as seeing an obstacle and choosing to walk around it, rather than bash your head against it? On a scale of minus infinity to infinity, how powerful do you feel right now?
Who or what have you decided is more powerful than you? Is that true? Or is it an interesting point of view you've agreed and aligned with? Or perhaps you've decided it's better, or easier to give your power away? Other people will always try to dis-empower you so they can control you and get you to do what they'd like. Remember, a question empowers, so if you'd prefer to have the power to create your life the way you'd like, simply start with a question and ask yourself "What if I wasn't powerless?" Truth, are you an infinite being with infinite choice and possibilities? Do you cry a lot? Do you enjoy crying?
Sometimes crying is a way for your body to release tension. Is that what you're doing? To find out, ask yourself "How am I using these tears?" If you become aware that you are using tears as a tool, a weapon, for protection or any other kind of manipulation, ask yourself "What am I doing here? Is it really working?" And if you become aware that your tears are not creating the changes you'd like, ask "What else is possible?" Of course you can also ask these questions of anyone — directly or silently to yourself to gain awareness — if you have someone in your life who cries a lot. Crying is not a wrongness and these questions are simply one way to expand your awareness of what is really going on in case you'd like to create a change. When you see someone crying or in distress, what do you do? Do you reach out and try to comfort them? Or you give them a tissue and allow them to cry?
When you reach out to comfort them, how does it work out? Do they try to stop because crying is not the 'polite' thing to do? Do you get caught up in their world of trauma and drama? Do you feel bad for not being able to help them no matter what you do? Are they able to clear what's going on with them? How much freedom and possibility do you sense in these responses? If you'd like to create space for people to move through their tears, ask "Am I willing to let them cry?" Crying is not wrong. Have you ever noticed that when you've locked tension into your body to avoid something, your body will sometimes release this tension through tears? Being in total allowance of someone as they cry, as they break apart so they can fall together, is one of the greatest gifts of caring you can be. You're not 'taking care' of them, you are caring about them enough to allow them to go through whatever they have to go through, and come out the other side. Are you willing to allow people to ask for assistance when they require it, not when you've decided you need to make them feel better? What do you do when something goes 'wrong'? Do you think clearly and ask yourself calmly "What's right about this I'm not getting?" Or do you get upset?
What happens when you get upset? Does your awareness expand, or contract? Can you see and create more, or less? There is nothing wrong with being upset. Choose it if it's fun for you. If you'd prefer to be free of trauma and drama and have greater possibilities, ask "What choices would I have if I weren't upset?" What if by living from allowance — where everything is simply an interesting point of view — trauma and drama and upset and intrigue vanished, no one and nothing could control you, and everything in your life got easier? Would that be fun? Do you live life to the fullest? Adding more and more and more and MORE, just because it's fun and you can?
Does taking so much on sometimes stress you, but can't stop because you feel you''d let everybody down? Have you decided that you have to keep going, no matter what? If so, and you'd like to create a little more ease for yourself, ask "What if taking a break was OK?" What if by taking a break, you created the space you required for something even greater to show up, for everyone? Have you been shopping recently? Was it fun? Or did you get upset because you lost something, like a credit card, wallet or phone? Were you overcharged? Did you miss out on a car park or a bargain? Did your children have a meltdown? Did you leave feeling stressed and penniless?
If your experience was less than joyful, and you'd like to change your shopping (or any other) experience, ask "Is this mine, or someone else's?" Thoughts, feelings and emotions are transmitted invisibly and soundlessly like WiFi through everyone nearby. So if you're in the middle of a shopping centre filled with overworked, underpaid, stressed, unhappy people on a budget trying to buy a 'festive season,' be aware that you may pick up all their thoughts, feelings and emotions — even if financially you're comfortable and enjoy your work — and walk out feeling unhappy and overspent. Even if something does 'go wrong' and you lose something, ask "What's right about this I'm not getting?" and "How does it get any better than this?" smile and keep moving. How much stress do you normally experience when you spend time with your family, in-laws, or co-workers who are on a different wavelength to you? Have you got relatives who give you a hard time? Maybe you married the favourite cousin and you're 'not good enough'? Do some of them think it's 'fun' to laugh at your views on life? Or perhaps they're just plain mean ELFs who know you're an easy mark?
If you dread family, workplace or other gatherings with people who are not in your zone, try these games and create a difference.
Enjoy the Silly Season. Have you been wondering about what you're doing in life and where joy fits into it all?
Do you consider you are a conscious being living in a free will universe, where you have infinite, free choice? What are you choosing now? How much fun and joy are included? A lot, a little or none at all? Perhaps you're working on 'important' or 'serious' things? Consider this: if consciousness includes everything and judges nothing, surely that means, as a conscious being you are everywhere, have everything, are everything...including fun and joy? So how do you create stuff in your life that is, quite simply, wonderful fun? Start with a question like "What makes me smile, giggle and vibrate with joyful enthusiasm for more and more and more?" When you asked that, what came to mind? Whatever THAT was, choose it. And if you don't quite have a clear scent, CHOOSE ANYTHING and see if you laugh. If you don't, choose something else. If you do and then it stops, choose something else. Sound fun? Do all sorts of magical creatures find you during the Silly Season, especially when you're offering cake and beer?
Who are they in your circles? You know the ones, the Snakes who always bite you when you least expect it, because that's their instinct. Or the Bring Downers, who simply get a kick out of making your life hell and bringing you down? Does it always shock, horrify, disappoint or upset you when they do it again and again and again? What if you gave up expecting everyone to be nice like you, and instead play this game? First, recognise who the Snakes and Bring Downers are in your life. Then you can choose to stay out of their way. Or, when they do enter your life, see them, and acknowledge them for being great at what they do. How? When they start with the biting and the bringing down — without heat — say "Wow, you're really good at doing that!" When they ask you what you're talking about reply "Whatever you're doing now. What is that?" Then listen with interesting point of view energy. Or walk away, with a nurturing smile to yourself. How much of the Silly Season do you spend listening to people tell you directly, or indirectly how much rubbish you are?
Is that fun? Is it true? If not and you'd like something different, play this game. Whenever you sense someone is looking to criticise, hurt, insult, or provoke you, smile, nod gently and — without heat — reply "Hmm, really interesting point of view." You are acknowledging their viewpoint and allowing them to enjoy it. You're not agreeing they're right, and you're not being distracted by falling into an angry, emotional reaction (which is usually what they really want so they can control you). If you need to pull the heat out of an interest onslaught, tell them "You're right. I'm wrong" three times. Our addiction to right and wrong, good and bad is one of the strongest we have. These two magic phrases will invite the energy of allowance into any Silly Season. Just think, if everyone were in allowance, would family feuds, neighbouring conflicts, or even global wars, topple over like dominos? So many fun games to play in the Silly Season. Here's another one.
Do you find yourself overcrowded with people in your house or workplace during the festive season? Or is there always that ONE person sucking up all the oxygen or boxing you into a corner? Here's a game to play at these times. The rules are simple. Whenever you start to feel you're folding, stapling, mutilating, or contracting yourself to fit into someone else's reality box, or you're gasping in the vacuum because they've sucked all the oxygen out of the room, or you feel pinned beneath the weight of your family/boss' baggage and expectations expand outwards. How? Just consciously ask your edges to move out. How far? As far as you need in all directions until you become lighter and spacier. Can anyone hang their baggage on your hooks if you're pure space? Will you have any hooks left? Practice this game. When you master it, you might even find people fall straight through you, flat on their face. And who said slapstick wasn't funny? Here's another game for when you find yourself in a Silly Season.
How do you normally approach special seasonal events or holidays? Do you prepare yourself to grin and bear all the things you think you're supposed to do? Do you go to places you'd rather not, or stay longer than you enjoy, because someone in your family or workplace has decided it's required? If you'd like to enjoy your holidays more, next time play a game of Nurture You Monopoly. The rules are: whatever arrangements your family or workplace has made, pre-plan a time and place to do something you really enjoy. Would that be a massage, pedicure, coffee with friends, a walk up the mountains or along the beach, or a game of golf? Or something else? Then devise an exit. Ask a friend to call you with an excuse. Pre-arrange a taxi to come and pick you up. When the phone call or taxi arrives, say "Thank you so much for today! I just have to pop out now to help my friend/mother/neighbour. I'll be back a bit later!" Then smile, LEAVE and nurture you. |
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