Do you think you have to always put other people first? And if you don't, you're being selfish?
How does that work for you? Are you always taking care of other people's needs, wants, complaints, and cares before yours?
Have you been able to create the life you'd really like? Or are you tired, frustrated, and losing money or your health from helping other people?
If you've been doing everything other people want, thinking that it will help you, and you'd now like a change, start here.
No matter who or what comes across your path, ask "How can I use this to my advantage?" and take notice. There may be something. There may be nothing.
The point is to consider — honour — you first. What if by you considering you above all else, you contributed more to others than you could ever imagine? Is that being selfish?
How is your money situation? Flowing nicely? Or do you find it hard to get customers and clients to pay you on time, or ever? Do you find people seem interested in your work, but always seem reluctant to spend money on it?
What are your own points of view about paying for things?
Are you happy to pay on time for the things you love? Or do you consider it a fun challenge to try and get everything for free, or as cheaply as possible? Maybe you even try to avoid paying at all costs, or at least pay as late and as little as possible?
What impact are your points of view about paying having on payments flowing into your own business?
What if by you paying with a generosity of spirit to bring the things you desire into your life, and honouring their creator, you are generating an invitation for more to flow your way?
If you'd like to find out, ask "What if paying for things I love were a joy?" And the pay on time with a smile.
Who or what don't you like? Evil corporations? Hipsters? Politicians? Missionaries? Governments? Activists? Salespeople? Big pharma/agribusiness? Vegans? Carnivores? Social media giants? Mainstream media? Conspiracy theorists? Who or what else?
Which group of people do you find yourself poking fun at, criticising, or in a fight about at least once a day? When you talk about these people or groups, does your blood pressure rise and your heart beat faster? Do you frown and your voice tone rise? How do you feel? Great? Or not so good?
What is it about these people and/or groups that makes you talk about them constantly? What in YOU do they spark or explode into a fire of reaction?
When you fight, how free are you to act to create the life you'd like? Or does the fight control you and keep you frozen in reaction against it?
If you don't feel so good and would like to free yourself from the fight, ask "Who or what am I fighting?" Is it YOU? What if you didn't need to fight you? What if you instead asked "What's right about this I'm not getting and what else is possible?"
Think of one thing you'd really like to be, do, have in life today. Got it?
Now think of all those reason and justifications why you don't be, do, have it today. Got them?
What were they? You can't take the day off work? You don't have the money? You don't have anyone to help you? You've got too much else to do? You're not ready? You're not good enough? You'd be letting other people down? What would people think?
Are these really what stand in your way? Or is it your point of view about these things? What would happen if you changed your point of view?
If you'd like to create more possibility in your life, and less of the "I can't because..." ask yourself "Who or what is limiting me today?" and "What else would be possible if I changed my point of view?"
Who is the one who limits you really?
Are you looking to make changes in your life? Getting a new job? Starting (or ending) a relationship? Maybe even moving interstate? Getting a new hair style or tattoo? Or taking a stand on a global issue?
How do you know what choice to make? Have you listed all the pros and cons? Asked your family and friends? Looked into the crystal ball or Googled 'best choice'? Still stuck?
Are you looking for the 'right' choice? What if there were no right choice? What if there were simply a choice?
Are you willing to give up 'getting it right'? If so, ask "Which choice will be the greatest contribution to my life and living in these 10 seconds?" Then notice what comes to mind.
It might not match your logical choice. Sense your choices and notice which feels heavy or light, which makes your heart pound (excitement misidentified as fear?), and which matches the energy of the life you'd like.
Then just choose. Choice creates awareness. And you can always choose again.
Do you have people in your life who are always saying or doing mean things to you and others just for the fun of it? Those Evil Little Freaks — ELFs, or use any other word starting with F — who take delight in pushing your buttons?
Do they upset you? Do you scratch your head and wonder what you could do to stop them from being mean, and make them nice like you? What have you tried so far? Did that work?
Can you ever change the way someone behaves? Not unless they choose to change. ELFs do what they do because they enjoy it. Will they change it because someone else doesn't like it? Probably not.
So what can you do? Crinkle their universe with a question. Start asking yourself "What can I be, do, or say that will put this ELF into question?"
It could be as simple as acknowledging them, playing blonde, asking without heat of judgement "That's fascinating! What exactly do you mean?" then listen. Repeat.
How often do you defend yourself? A lot or a little?
When you stick up for something you're being, doing, having, or that you believe in, do you use emotional enthusiasm, exclaiming "oh this is GREAT and I got SO much out of it and if ONLY you try it I'm SURE you'll get something out of it too?!!!? "
Or perhaps you use intellectual prowess, trying to suffocate your opponents in piles of...smarts?
Whatever approach, how does it work? Do you enjoy it and does it create the result you desire? Or do people judge you a weird, whacky and wrong, and run away no matter what you say?
Would you like more people to see what you see? If so, ask "What if I didn't need to defend anything?" Then, when you feel the urge to defend, simply smile and say "Yes, you're right."
What if by removing the defensive barrier people are used to pushing up agains, you created the space for them to question? In that space, what might they see?
Are you feeling unsettled about something in your life? A relationship that's not working the way you'd hoped? A business that's not taking off like you expected? A job that's not as rewarding as you thought? Life disruptions that never seem to end?
Are you disappointed because you've been asking questions and inviting change, but it doesn't seem to be working?
Have you decided that you got it wrong?
What if there was nothing wrong with your questions, and nothing wrong with what's showing up? What if it was just different to what you expected?
If you'd like help to see this, ask "What's right about this discomfort?"
What if discomfort was you sensing change? Change might not be fast enough for you, and it might not show up like you expected at first...or ever. Be aware, that if you jump to a conclusion that your discomfort is bad and you try to stop it, you may just be stopping the change process midway.
Are you nearing rock bottom when it comes to money? Has your successful business started to nose dive? Are you in a pattern of making money when you need it, then spending it or giving it all away when it reaches a certain limit so you have to start again?
If so, and you'd like to change it, ask "What am I bankrupting myself about to force myself to do?"
If time, money and other people's point of view were not real, what would you do because you love it? What talent and ability are you keeping hidden that if you shared it, others would pay you huge amounts for? What are you denying that you would rather be doing?
What if you didn't need to bankrupt yourself to force you into creation? What if you simply choose creation? And what if you kept creating — even if you had hideous amounts of money — because it was fun and you could create more and intive others to join in? What if that was the point of money?
How often have you said "If only I had the money?"
Right now, ask yourself "What am I saying 'If only I had the money' about?" Would you buy something? Travel somewhere? Take a break? Study something? Move house? Change jobs? Make new friends? Have children? Feel less stressed? Be happier? Save the world?
Do you consider that money is the solution to your situation, problems, dissatisfaction, unhappiness in life?
Is it really? If money were the solution, then how is it that rich people have all the same complaints, problems, dissatisfaction and unhappiness in their lives as you?
If you'd like to free yourself from this distraction, ask "What if money weren't the solution?"
Once you free your attention from money, ask "What could I be, do, have, create differently that would contribute to the life I'd really like?"
What if YOU were always the solution, and just hadn't realised it?
Do you have something in your life that you'd like to create or change? Have you asked lots of questions about it and yet nothing has shown up?
So what's going on? If you'd like to find out, then ask "Am I asking questions about a conclusion?" For example, have you ever asked "What would it take for me to find the love of my life/ get the perfect job/ afford a top Porsche/ make a million dollars/ have people recognise and support what I'm doing?"
Are these questions, or conclusions? Do real questions have a specific result attached? Have your questions simply been conclusions with a question mark attached?
If you'd really like to create something different, ask "What decisions, conclusions, and answers have I made about this?" and then ask a real question.
Have you been working hard at your business/project/event? Doing all the things you know are required? Has it gone OK for a while, but then stalled?
What do you do? Do you try even harder and do all the things you know worked for it in the past? How did that work out?
If you'd like clarity about what your business requires, ask "Business, what do you require from me now that would be the greatest contribution?"
What if there was nothing wrong with your business? What if it was simply asking for something that you hadn't yet considered, or been willing to acknowledge? Are you willing for your business to ask to ask to become something entirely different to what you planned, expected, hoped and dreamed?
What if even just your willingness to notice what your business was asking for — instead of being stuck in your hopes and dreams — empowered your business to expand beyond anything you could have ever imagined? You won't know until you ask.
Have you been wondering about what you're doing in life and where joy fits into it all?
Do you consider you are a conscious being living in a free will universe, where you have infinite, free choice? What are you choosing now? How much fun and joy are included? A lot, a little or none at all?
Perhaps you're working on 'important' or 'serious' things? Consider this: if consciousness includes everything and judges nothing, surely that means, as a conscious being you are everywhere, have everything, are everything...including fun and joy?
So how do you create stuff in your life that is, quite simply, wonderful fun?
Start with a question like "What makes me smile, giggle and vibrate with joyful enthusiasm for more and more and more?"
When you asked that, what came to mind? Whatever THAT was, choose it. And if you don't quite have a clear scent, CHOOSE ANYTHING and see if you laugh. If you don't, choose something else. If you do and then it stops, choose something else. Sound fun?
Do you have an interest, hobby, project, event, job, business, global movement, or something that you'd love to share with others and have them join in and help it grow?
Have you found it easy engaging others in your vision? Or have you been a little surprised that more people don't 'get it'? Maybe you've even been shocked that some of your closest friends, or people you thought were in the same zone have run for the hills?
Have you or others ever described what you do as a 'passion' or 'higher purpose'? How do those descriptions sound to you? Light and breezy? Heavy and serious?
What do you prefer in life? Light and breezy, or heavy and serious? Whichever that is, if you're not experiencing the interest in your project you'd like, ask "What question could I be that would create curiosity?"
If you're like me and prefer life to be fun, light and breezy, ask "What question could I be that would create curiosity, joy and laughter, or something greater than I could possibly imagine?"
Do all sorts of magical creatures find you during the Silly Season, especially when you're offering cake and beer?
Who are they in your circles? You know the ones, the Snakes who always bite you when you least expect it, because that's their instinct. Or the Bring Downers, who simply get a kick out of making your life hell and bringing you down?
Does it always shock, horrify, disappoint or upset you when they do it again and again and again?
What if you gave up expecting everyone to be nice like you, and instead play this game? First, recognise who the Snakes and Bring Downers are in your life. Then you can choose to stay out of their way.
Or, when they do enter your life, see them, and acknowledge them for being great at what they do.
How? When they start with the biting and the bringing down — without heat — say "Wow, you're really good at doing that!" When they ask you what you're talking about reply "Whatever you're doing now. What is that?"
Then listen with interesting point of view energy. Or walk away, with a nurturing smile to yourself.
How much of the Silly Season do you spend listening to people tell you directly, or indirectly how much rubbish you are?
Is that fun? Is it true? If not and you'd like something different, play this game. Whenever you sense someone is looking to criticise, hurt, insult, or provoke you, smile, nod gently and — without heat — reply "Hmm, really interesting point of view."
You are acknowledging their viewpoint and allowing them to enjoy it. You're not agreeing they're right, and you're not being distracted by falling into an angry, emotional reaction (which is usually what they really want so they can control you).
If you need to pull the heat out of an interest onslaught, tell them "You're right. I'm wrong" three times.
Our addiction to right and wrong, good and bad is one of the strongest we have. These two magic phrases will invite the energy of allowance into any Silly Season.
Just think, if everyone were in allowance, would family feuds, neighbouring conflicts, or even global wars, topple over like dominos?
So many fun games to play in the Silly Season. Here's another one.
Do you find yourself overcrowded with people in your house or workplace during the festive season? Or is there always that ONE person sucking up all the oxygen or boxing you into a corner?
Here's a game to play at these times. The rules are simple. Whenever you start to feel you're folding, stapling, mutilating, or contracting yourself to fit into someone else's reality box, or you're gasping in the vacuum because they've sucked all the oxygen out of the room, or you feel pinned beneath the weight of your family/boss' baggage and expectations expand outwards.
How? Just consciously ask your edges to move out. How far? As far as you need in all directions until you become lighter and spacier. Can anyone hang their baggage on your hooks if you're pure space? Will you have any hooks left?
Practice this game. When you master it, you might even find people fall straight through you, flat on their face. And who said slapstick wasn't funny?
Here's another game for when you find yourself in a Silly Season.
How do you normally approach special seasonal events or holidays? Do you prepare yourself to grin and bear all the things you think you're supposed to do? Do you go to places you'd rather not, or stay longer than you enjoy, because someone in your family or workplace has decided it's required?
If you'd like to enjoy your holidays more, next time play a game of Nurture You Monopoly. The rules are: whatever arrangements your family or workplace has made, pre-plan a time and place to do something you really enjoy.
Would that be a massage, pedicure, coffee with friends, a walk up the mountains or along the beach, or a game of golf? Or something else? Then devise an exit. Ask a friend to call you with an excuse. Pre-arrange a taxi to come and pick you up.
When the phone call or taxi arrives, say "Thank you so much for today! I just have to pop out now to help my friend/mother/neighbour. I'll be back a bit later!"
Then smile, LEAVE and nurture you.
I was saving these games for just before the end of year festive holidays, but it feels like the Silly Season has come early this year and we could use some of these games right now.
How much stress do you normally experience when you spend time with your family, in-laws, or co-workers who are on a different wavelength to you? Have you got relatives who give you a hard time? Maybe you married the favourite cousin and you're 'not good enough'? Do some of them think it's 'fun' to laugh at your views on life? Or perhaps they're just plain mean ELFs who know you're an easy mark?
If you dread family, workplace or other gatherings with people who are not in your zone, try these games and create a difference.
Are your get togethers full of robust discussion or outright fighting? How many disagreements are really just individuals crying out for more attention? So give the ones giving you the hardest time, the attention they seek. With gentleness and allowance, say "I'm so grateful that you are in my life. You are such a gift." And smile.
Then ask them questions and listen. No one will have paid them so much genuine attention in a long time. Being totally open, vulnerable and present with them will knock them over like a house of cards. And you never know, they may just ask you a question back.
Have you ever been overwhelmingly excited about something or someone? How did your body respond? Did your heart and mind race? Did you lie awake all night dreaming of all the future possibilities? Despite your lack of sleep, did you function on an adrenaline overload?
Did your body enjoy it? What exactly did it contribute to the object of your excitement? Did it expand you and your project with ease and elegance, joy and reward? Was it the invitation to others you expected? And did it help you get anything done? Or did your excitement distract you, keep you frozen in hopes and dreams? Did you find people did not seem to catch the fire of your excitement the way you expected?
If excitement has not worked the way you thought it would, ask "What contribution is this excitement?" If you notice it's not what you thought it was, ask "Who does this belong to?" and "What else is possible?"
What if simply being you were the greatest contribution, beyond anything you can imagine?
What do you say when terrible things show up in your life? Do you say "Oh NO, look what happened?!" What about when great things show up? What do you say then? Anything like "Oh wow, I can't believe it?!"
Would you like more great things to show up? Are you willing to acknowledge that YOU are the creator of everything in your life? All the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. YOU created it ALL?
If so, then say "Wow, look at all the awesome/rubbish stuff I've created in my life! I wonder what else I could create?"
When you're willing to acknowledge that YOU are the ideas person, author, creator, director, architect, engineer, draftsperson, CEP, President, Prime Minister, Grand PooBah of your own life, then you regain hold of its creation.
If you can create magnificent rubbish, you can undoubtedly create magnificent magnificence. So then the question becomes, what would you truly like to create in your life?
What is your point of view about money, for example? That there isn't enough to go around? That it doesn't grow on trees? That you have to work long and hard to get enough? And what about the government and media? That they're run by professional experts and so how dare average people question them? That they're run by a corrupted few and there's nothing you can do to change it?
Whatever your point of view are, is that more or less what shows up for you? So your points of view are not wrong. Your points of view are creating your reality.
If something is working for you, then there is no need to change your point of view. What about when something is NOT working for you? For example, if you'd prefer to have more money in your life, or if you'd prefer government and media organisations that consider your concerns? In this case, ask "What if I changed my point of view?"
Then everytime you start to say something about money, the government or media, STOP and say "Interesting I have that point of view. I wonder what else is possible, greater than I can imagine?"
What else would you like to change? The people in your life, your health, your daily activities like work, or global issues affecting your life? What else could you change your point of view about that could create a whole new reality you can't yet imagine.
Do you have events that you go over and over in your mind? Things at work, school, with your family or friends? Do you tell them again and again to anyone who'll listen?
What is it about those events that makes you retell them? Do they make you feel good and help you move on? Do they make people take notice of you, or feel sympathy for you?
When you tell your stories, does it invite new events, people and possibilities into your life? Or does it focus all your interest, energy and talents on the limitations of your story? Has your story become a justification about why you can't do something?
To clarify what lies behind your stories, ask yourself "What's the value of my story?" and notice what comes to mind. If your stories don't add the value you'd like, just notice it with "hmmm, interesting." Then find something else to talk about.
If someone you know is telling you the same story again and again, you can choose to listen politely, avoid them, or smile and say "Wow, that's a great story. You really tell it well each time I hear it. Got any others?"
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Why questions? A question will always empower you to see and create more. An answer will only limit you to what you have decided is right.
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