Do you consider change hard?
You know you're not entirely (or at all) satisfied with your work, business, relationships, health, body, or life in general, and you have an idea about what you'd prefer, and yet you can't seem to make it happen?
Do you hear yourself saying "I'd like to do this, but I can't because..."? How many reasons and justifications do you have as to why your current situation, although not ideal, is easier to have than making waves and changing anything?
What if change wasn't the hard part? If you'd like to find out what might open a door to greater possibilities, ask "Am I willing to acknowledge what I've chosen?"
What if the hard part was acknowledging that everything you have created as your life until now had been your choice? There is no need to make it significant. Simply notice it and acknowledge that you are a magnificent creator.
Now what do you choose to create? The same, or different?
Do you strive for completion? Do you value having goals and focus your energy on achieving those? How do you feel when either you reach, or don't reach your goal? Does procrastination distract you along the way? Is the process fun?
If striving for completion does not give you the sense of fulfilment and satisfaction you were hoping for, and procrastination distracts you, ask "Having done this, what can I create from here?"
What if nothing was ever a completion? What if you considered your work, business and your life in general an ongoing creation, of which you were fully present and created elegantly and joyfully?
Elegance is the greatest result with the least effort. You create elegance when you are fully present and choose consciously and continuously. And procrastination? This often occurs when you have concluded something is a necessity, ignoring your awareness and without asking a question.
What if it were all just choice?
Have you recently made a career change? Did you realise your job wasn't working for you and quit? Perhaps you had a more rewarding offer and moved on? Or did controversy or other external factors force you to change?
Are you at ease with the change, or conflicted? Are you enjoying your new life completely? Or do you miss elements of your former career and remain energetically connected?
Are you struggling to know who you are without your former identity?
Do you think that change means you need to leave everything about the former you behind? Even if you were forced to leave your career defamed and vilified, regardless of the amazing contribution you had made, what if you didn't need to cut it off and make it wrong?
If you'd like greater ease with your changes, ask "What can I use this as a springboard for, to create something even greater?"
What if you considered your career change a gift that created the space for even more of you to show up?
Do you worry about what might go wrong? Is fear keeping you trapped? Are you anxious for no apparent reason?
Do you feel frozen by these emotions and incapable of happiness? What's the value of operating from worry, anxiety and fear? What if happiness were just a choice?
If you'd like a change, ask "What if I lived my life from the excitement of what could go right, rather than the fear of what could go wrong?" Perhaps you've misidentified excitement as fear? Or maybe you're distracted by implants that are not really yours? In both cases, acknowledge it and demand change.
And if you enjoy the news, talkback radio, other mainstream media programs and most people's conversations, consider repeating "interesting point of view" for everything you see, hear or read.
How much of your worry, fear, and anxiety is you being a highly attuned WiFi device, receiving all the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of everyone around you and busing them as yours? Would you "return to sender with consciousness" please?
How often can you see everything in someone else's universe? You know exactly what they could do different, that if they chose it would create change beyond their imagination?
How many times have you tried to tell, show, coax, persuade, debate, argue, or fight to share your awareness, trying to help them see it, and then choose it? How often has that worked? Always, sometimes, or almost never?
If you'd like an easier approach with more dynamic results, ask yourself "What question could I ask here that would lead to the awareness that will create the greatest change?"
Then putting aside your hopes and dreams about the change you know is possible, ask the question that comes to mind. It might appear to have nothing to do with the 'issue'. It might be as seemingly unrelated as "Are you looking to change something? If so, just ask and I'll do what I can to help."
Then smile and wait until they ask you. Are you willing to wait?
How's your sex life? Existent? Non-existent? Is it easy and fun? Is it full of strife and trouble? Or somewhere in between on auto-pilot?
How do you choose who you'll have sex with? Do you base it on body type? Personality traits? Future financial potentials? Or your inner monologue of "Thank you, thank you, thank you for having sex with me, no matter what you are!"?
Would you like to create something different? If so, next time you meet someone you or your body responds to with that panting energy, ask "Will it be easy? Will it be fun? And will I learn something?"
You may not get a 'yes' on all three and yet still choose to go ahead. No worries. If it's easy and fun, how does it get any better? If you only get that you'll learn something, you may want to ask more questions, like "How does it get any better than this?" and "What else is possible?"
If you get none, you may want to smile and walk away.
Are you distracted by competition? Focused on how to out-smart, out-do, out-strip someone else in your field?
Perhaps someone is selling an idea they stole from you as theirs and you're trying to figure out how to beat them? Or do you consider that someone else will always be greater than you and at least you should strive to be more like them?
How expansive does competition with someone else feel? When you enter into competition with someone, even if they are the 'leader' in your field, does this create the space for you to be as great as you are? Or does it keep you locked into the limitations of whatever they're willing to, or telling you their willing to create?
Can you truly compete with anyone else? No. How can an apple complete with a nightingale? So if you'd like to step into your life and out of the limited band of competition with others, ask "How can I out-create me, beyond what exists and anything anyone has considered before?"
Are you willing to expand and create your life beyond what others can imagine? It might be a whole lot more fun too.
Do you spend a lot of time feeling wrong? Do friends, family, and even passing strangers seem compelled to tell you that you haven't got it quite (or a lot) right, and if you just did it their way, your life would be a whole lot better?
Do you agree with, or fight against them? Is that fun and does it make you smile? If not, and you'd prefer more joy, ask "Am I willing to step into my life?"
What if you weren't trapped in the narrow band of other people's possibilities? What's the narrow band? Where you either agree and align and do what they tell you, or resist and react and do the opposite.
When you expand beyond this band of polarity, and create your life from what you know works for you, you have infinite possibilities. When people tell you you're wrong, smile and say "You're right. Thank you so much! You really have helped me to step into my life."
Then change the subject or walk away, 'returning to sender' any lingering feeling of wrongness, and do what you know works for you.
How often do you get into upsets with friends, or are hurt by the things they say or do? Rarely, a lot, or all the time?
What is a friend? Someone who enjoys you in total allowance? Someone who acknowledges you just as you are and all the crazy choices you might make, without judgement? Someone who is fun to hang out with and adds to your life, and is grateful to you for adding to theirs. Do you have anyone in your life like that right now?
Next time you experience upset, hurt, anger, or have some other uncomfortable sensation in relation to a 'friend', ask yourself "Is this person really my friend?" What's light is right for you, remember.
If you notice your current friends spend most of their time telling you how you're wrong and should change because they 'care about you,' ask them "Would you like to be my friend? Then you need to stop judging me. If not, that's ok. I'll miss you and hope you have a great life." Then smile and walk away knowing you've just created a great space for new friends to walk into.
And if you do find yourself without friends, start with one: you. Are you willing to be your best friend? What if your energy of space and allowance was the invitation for others like that to find you and ask to play?
Do you know what makes you happy? How many conclusions do you have about what brings you happiness? One or two? A few hundred?
What are they? For example, are you working toward something? An exam or job interview you'd like to pass? A girl or boy you'd like to date, marry or have kids with? A computer, TV, car, or house you'd like to buy? A project or cause you're fighting for? Or some sort of mental, emotional, or physical relief you're seeking? Do you consider that when you achieve that target you'll be happy?
Not sure? If you'd like clarity, ask "Does this really create happiness for me?" Then notice how you feel. Light or heavy? What is true for you feels light. So if you sense heaviness, you may have bought the idea from someone else (your family?) their idea of happiness, which might not suit you.
There's nothing wrong with seeking more in life and being joyful with the results. What if you could be joyful every day of the process too? What might your results look like then?
Do you like routine? Is that what you strive to achieve? Something comfortable, known and secure? How often do you say "Once I get a system set up, a process in place, everything will be better?"
There's nothing wrong with comfortable, known and routine, when everything in your life is even better than you could imagine.
What about when something is not working the way you'd like? Will comfortable, known and routine create the changes you'd like? Or will they set in concrete what's not working?
So if you're looking for dynamic change, ask "What could I be or do different today that would help create the life, living and reality I'd really like?" Then notice what comes to mind, and be or do that.
'Different' is not the same as 'differently.' Differently is doing the same thing in different ways. Different is outside anything you have ever considered.
What have you not yet imagined that, if you chose it, would contribute to your life? Don't know? Just ask.
Are you surrounded by people telling you what is true, what is fake, and what you should stake your life on?
Do you have family, friends, experts and random strangers standing on 360 degrees of any particular issue, presenting you with a dizzying array of information and persuasive propositions? Does any of that help? Or do you feel more confused and hemmed into a reality that doesn't feel quite right?
If you'd like to create space and ease when you're being bombarded by so many points of view, ask yourself about each one as it is presented to you "Is this light for me?" You know the breezy sense of space and weightlessness you have when everything is just right, and not the heavy, clunky feeling when something is not quite right and you sense a lie.
In other words, if you feel light, it's right for you. If you feel heavy it's not right for you.
What if none of these people were wrong? What if each of their points of view were 100% correct...for them? Just because something is right for someone else, doesn't mean it's right for you.
Do you have a nagging ache, pain, sadness, or other uncomfortable physical sensation?
Have you tried all the usual things and yet it lingers? For example, have you asked "Who does this belong to?" and returning to sender when you become aware it's not yours? Or asking "Body, what are you telling me?" and following body's lead?
If so, and you still have the ache, ask "Who or what am I unwilling to lose?"
Notice if you recall any event or person from your life now, or in the past. Have you locked into your body something that you decided you can't let go, even though it's hurtful or toxic? Are you re-running an event in your body over and over, saying "If only I'd done this, it would have turned out better"? Or perhaps you're exhausting yourself with the dream that someone will change into the person you know they could be if they chose it, but instead you let them drive the knife in deeper?
What if your willingness to let go of all the events and people you've locked into your body over your lifetime alleviated your niggling aches, pains, sadness, longings, or other chronic conditions? What space and ease would that create for you?
Have you ever lamented "I don't belong!" or spent your life trying to fit in with others around you? Has it been easy?
Perhaps you've always know you were different and found it simpler, and more fun, to hang out by yourself, doing your own thing? Did you nevertheless feel a nagging pressure to belong, or believe that you were somehow wrong for not fitting in?
What if there was nothing wrong with not belonging?
Did you know the definition of belong includes: to be the property of, to be part of, and to be suitable for something? Is that what you're looking for?
If you'd like clarity about this, ask "What's the value of wanting to belong?" Perhaps your inability or non-desire to 'belong' was simply your awareness that you were already, wholly, and suitably the property of something: YOU.
So what if rather than 'longing to be' something else, you embraced being all of who you are already?
Do you have something in your life that you'd like to change, but haven't yet because you fear you might lose family, friends, work, money, status, reputation or everything you've 'worked so hard to achieve'?
Does this fear keep you frozen and trapped by inaction?
Would you like to thaw, expand outward and move into action? If so, ask "What if the only thing I had to lose was my limitation?"
What if by making the changes you know you'd really like, you created more than you could ever imagine? What if this also contributed to everyone and everything around you?
Certainly, some friends, family, professional and other acquaintances will not accept the changes you make and withdraw from your life. Would that be a loss, or a contribution? What's the difference? Only your point of view.
Have you ever tried to change something in your life continually, but to no effect even though you've asked a thousand genuine questions?
For example, has someone ever told you that you weren't good enough and you should try even harder? Or that something about you was not appropriate and you had to overcome it? Perhaps you're too vocal, disruptive, creative, poor, uneducated, powerless, unattractive, or have some other failing?
What if in fact, there was nothing wrong with you? What if you have been buying into a lie that someone else wanted to you to believe?
Is it possible to overcome, change or clear something that doesn't exist? What would you do if someone told you you were a rabbit? Would you believe them and work feverishly to change out of being a rabbit? Or would you say "Um, huh?" I'm not a rabbit. I'm me!" and get on with enjoying your life?
So if you'd like to create greater ease around things you have assumed were 'wrong' about you, and that you should change but so far haven't been able to, ask "What am I trying to clear that isn't true?"
If something's not true to start with, how can you clear it? Simply recognise the lie and it can no longer exist.
Do you assume you have to eat when you feel hungry? Most people do. Do you feel compelled to preempt hunger pangs by filling up at regular intervals?
How's your relationship with your body? Comfortable, or not so much? Do you sense your body is telling you something?
If you'd like to create greater ease with your body, rather than filling it up with food on auto-pilot 3-6 times a day, wait until you notice you're hungry, then ask "Body, what are you hungry for?"
Certainly, your body may require food. In which case, then ask "Body, what would you like to eat?" and notice what comes to mind, or what menu item your eye is drawn to first.
Or, your body might be hungry for something else, like movement, rest, warmth, cool, attention, relief, nurturing, sex, touch, change or a myriad of things you won't know until you ask. So ask it and see what comes to mind.
What if hunger pains were your body enjoying and adjusting to the extra space, like a sigh of relief from the density of the food it didn't really desire?
Are you surprised or frustrated when people don't listen? How often have you tried to share with your family and friends the amazing things you've spent your time and money learning, only to be disappointed by their lack on interest?
At best, do they smile and nod with glazed eyes and closed ears? At worst do they berate you for wasting your time and money and end their tirade by reminding you that you're stupid?
Does this upset you? Do you try harder, or start a debate (um, fight)? Does talking more, longer, or harder ever work at all?
What if you could share your insights without saying a word? If you'd like to find out, ask "What if saying nothing was the greatest contribution I could be?" Then shut up, nod, smile, listen and ask questions.
It may take only a few minutes — or it may take decades, or indeed a lifetime — for the other person to stop talking and say "You're different. What is that?"
And that's your invitaiton to talk.
What do you have to do today, that you'd really rather not?
Clean the house? Do the shopping? Visit an unpleasant relative? Wash the car? Attend the weekly staff meeting? Write an essay? Sit an exam? Speak in public? Go to the dentist? Give your family news that you know they'll hate?
What makes you go '"Ugh, I'd rather not'" but you know you're going to do it anyway?
If you'd like to create more ease for yourself, ask "How can I enjoy the heck out of it?" Your point of view creates your reality, so if your point of view is "I don't enjoy this" then your are correct. You don't and you won't. There is no possibility it could turn out to be fun after all.
If your point of view is "What would it take for this to turn out to be more fun than I could ever imagine?" you create an invitation for that to occur.
To start, carry with you one thing that makes you laugh. A joke. A game. A book. An app. A photo. A wiggle in your walk. What else? Whatever that is, put it in your metaphorical back pocket and pull it out to entertain yourself when things are getting tough.
After a while you might fing you won't need it. Happiness is just a choice. What do you choose?
Are you a worrier? What do you worry about? Failing exams, business, relationships, children, money, saving the world? Something else?
When you're worrying do you spend most of the time focused on what you're creating, or are you trying to figure out what other people want from you, and how to deliver it?
What's the value of worry? Does it contribute to anything? Or does it keep you trapped in reaction and distract you from taking action? Is it an excuse for no-action? How relevant is it to what you're looking to create?
If you'd like to be free to take action and create the life you'd prefer, ask "What if worry wasn't relevant?"
How much of your worry stems from trying to fit in, or to meet other people's expectations? Do you think it's caring? How aware of, or interested in you are other people? A lot, a little or not at all? Would you like to have more fun? Then stop worrying about what other people want from you and start creating your life for you.
If your life was an adventure of constant creation, would worry exist?
Are you a caring person? Can you always see exactly what someone could be doing differently to create an easier and happier life? And do you consider you're willing to do whatever it takes to help them get there?
How often do you see the results you know are possible? Usually, sometimes, or almost never? How easy and joyful is the process for you?
If you are not seeing the results you'd hoped for, or the process is hard and you'd like to create change for you in the experience, ask "Am I caring? Or care-taking?"
Care-taking is doing whatever the other person tells you to do, because it makes them feel better. This can include listening to stories, hand-holding, and crying in sympathy.
Caring is empowering a person to create change, whatever that looks like, and can include doing nothing and saying 'no.'
What empowers? Questions, choice, awareness, and contributing only when asked and when you know change is possible.
What if caring was not the good deeds auto-pilot system you thought it was? What if it was simply the willingness to be aware of, an in allowance of other people's choices?
Do you run a business? How are your sales going? Is your client list growing? Or do you find it a constant struggle?
What are your points of view about your products or services? Do you consider them to be a gift to the world and people's lives would be improved if they only recognised their value? Or that they are cheap rubbish that people would be better off not wasting their money on?
How do you share your points of view? Do you find it easy to talk about your business? If you'd like to create greater ease in your business, and more reward for you and others, ask "What would it take for me to be a salesperson of magnitude?" then tell people what they want to hear.
What do they want to hear? Whatever will allow them to justify why they should give you money for what they have already decided they'd like to buy.
People who ask you about your business are already interested in what you offer, and are seeking a reason to buy. What if you made it easy for them?
How much of your quest for love is driven by your hopes and dreams that one day someone will 'see you' and acknowledge you as the amazing being you are?
Have you made falling in love the answer to your life? That wen you find The One, he/she will get you so clearly, you'll finally be whole and free to create your life?
Does anybody get you now? Does anybody really want to get you anyway? Do you get you? If you don't get you, then how is it possible for anyone else to get you?
What if rather than waiting to fall in love as an excuse for not creating your life, you lovingly saw, acknowledged, nurtured, and were grateful to you for everything you are right now?
If you'd like to create this as a possibility, ask "Am I willing to see me?" Then look, see, and smile lovingly at you.
Then when you do meet someone who is fun and easy to be with, what if you considered them lovingly, rather than falling in love? Why? Between 'loving' and 'falling in love' which is an ongoing action and which is an end?
Are you looking for love? How often have you thought you found it, or were close, only to be disappointed at best, or at worst horribly abused? Did you blame yourself for failing and then continue on your quest to find it? How many times have you done the same thing?
How do you define 'love'? Does everyone define love the same as you? For example, ever heard people talk about 'tough love,' saying "I'm doing this [horrible thing] to you because I love you" ? Did you think "I wish you'd love me a little less?" What about people who say "If you love me you'll do this [thing I know you really don't want to do]"?
Do most definitions of love acknowledge or honour you at all? Or do people use the word love to control you so you'll do what they want?
If you'd like to create nurturing, generative relationships, ask "What does love mean to me?" Then notice what you actually desire, but that others might not include in their definitions. Once you're clear about that, you can invite that into your life, no matter what name you give it.
Think of something you're looking at making a choice about. It might be whether to renew your work contract or apartment lease, to call someone and invite them on a second date or to set them straight about an issue you know they got wrong, to invest some money in your business or yourself, or to take a stand and change the world. Or something else.
Are you finding it easy? Or are you stressing and stalling, trying to work out the 'right' (or at least not the 'wrong') choice?
What if there were not 'right' choice? What if there were simply choice? And if you're willing to notice it, every choice offers you a greater awareness and more possibilities.
So now, or the next time you'd like to make a choice, ask "If I choose this, what will my life be like in five years?" and notice what comes to mind. Then make a choice.
Every choice contributes something to your life. It's only your point of view that determines its value. And what is the value of deciding something is 'bad' when you can simply choose again?
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