Are you distracted by competition? Focused on how to out-smart, out-do, out-strip someone else in your field?
Perhaps someone is selling an idea they stole from you as theirs and you're trying to figure out how to beat them? Or do you consider that someone else will always be greater than you and at least you should strive to be more like them? How expansive does competition with someone else feel? When you enter into competition with someone, even if they are the 'leader' in your field, does this create the space for you to be as great as you are? Or does it keep you locked into the limitations of whatever they're willing to, or telling you their willing to create? Can you truly compete with anyone else? No. How can an apple complete with a nightingale? So if you'd like to step into your life and out of the limited band of competition with others, ask "How can I out-create me, beyond what exists and anything anyone has considered before?" Are you willing to expand and create your life beyond what others can imagine? It might be a whole lot more fun too.
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How often do you get into upsets with friends, or are hurt by the things they say or do? Rarely, a lot, or all the time?
What is a friend? Someone who enjoys you in total allowance? Someone who acknowledges you just as you are and all the crazy choices you might make, without judgement? Someone who is fun to hang out with and adds to your life, and is grateful to you for adding to theirs. Do you have anyone in your life like that right now? Next time you experience upset, hurt, anger, or have some other uncomfortable sensation in relation to a 'friend', ask yourself "Is this person really my friend?" What's light is right for you, remember. If you notice your current friends spend most of their time telling you how you're wrong and should change because they 'care about you,' ask them "Would you like to be my friend? Then you need to stop judging me. If not, that's ok. I'll miss you and hope you have a great life." Then smile and walk away knowing you've just created a great space for new friends to walk into. And if you do find yourself without friends, start with one: you. Are you willing to be your best friend? What if your energy of space and allowance was the invitation for others like that to find you and ask to play? Do you know what makes you happy? How many conclusions do you have about what brings you happiness? One or two? A few hundred?
What are they? For example, are you working toward something? An exam or job interview you'd like to pass? A girl or boy you'd like to date, marry or have kids with? A computer, TV, car, or house you'd like to buy? A project or cause you're fighting for? Or some sort of mental, emotional, or physical relief you're seeking? Do you consider that when you achieve that target you'll be happy? Not sure? If you'd like clarity, ask "Does this really create happiness for me?" Then notice how you feel. Light or heavy? What is true for you feels light. So if you sense heaviness, you may have bought the idea from someone else (your family?) their idea of happiness, which might not suit you. There's nothing wrong with seeking more in life and being joyful with the results. What if you could be joyful every day of the process too? What might your results look like then? Have you ever lamented "I don't belong!" or spent your life trying to fit in with others around you? Has it been easy?
Perhaps you've always know you were different and found it simpler, and more fun, to hang out by yourself, doing your own thing? Did you nevertheless feel a nagging pressure to belong, or believe that you were somehow wrong for not fitting in? What if there was nothing wrong with not belonging? Did you know the definition of belong includes: to be the property of, to be part of, and to be suitable for something? Is that what you're looking for? If you'd like clarity about this, ask "What's the value of wanting to belong?" Perhaps your inability or non-desire to 'belong' was simply your awareness that you were already, wholly, and suitably the property of something: YOU. So what if rather than 'longing to be' something else, you embraced being all of who you are already? What do you have to do today, that you'd really rather not?
Clean the house? Do the shopping? Visit an unpleasant relative? Wash the car? Attend the weekly staff meeting? Write an essay? Sit an exam? Speak in public? Go to the dentist? Give your family news that you know they'll hate? What makes you go '"Ugh, I'd rather not'" but you know you're going to do it anyway? If you'd like to create more ease for yourself, ask "How can I enjoy the heck out of it?" Your point of view creates your reality, so if your point of view is "I don't enjoy this" then your are correct. You don't and you won't. There is no possibility it could turn out to be fun after all. If your point of view is "What would it take for this to turn out to be more fun than I could ever imagine?" you create an invitation for that to occur. To start, carry with you one thing that makes you laugh. A joke. A game. A book. An app. A photo. A wiggle in your walk. What else? Whatever that is, put it in your metaphorical back pocket and pull it out to entertain yourself when things are getting tough. After a while you might fing you won't need it. Happiness is just a choice. What do you choose? Are you a worrier? What do you worry about? Failing exams, business, relationships, children, money, saving the world? Something else?
When you're worrying do you spend most of the time focused on what you're creating, or are you trying to figure out what other people want from you, and how to deliver it? What's the value of worry? Does it contribute to anything? Or does it keep you trapped in reaction and distract you from taking action? Is it an excuse for no-action? How relevant is it to what you're looking to create? If you'd like to be free to take action and create the life you'd prefer, ask "What if worry wasn't relevant?" How much of your worry stems from trying to fit in, or to meet other people's expectations? Do you think it's caring? How aware of, or interested in you are other people? A lot, a little or not at all? Would you like to have more fun? Then stop worrying about what other people want from you and start creating your life for you. If your life was an adventure of constant creation, would worry exist? Are you a caring person? Can you always see exactly what someone could be doing differently to create an easier and happier life? And do you consider you're willing to do whatever it takes to help them get there?
How often do you see the results you know are possible? Usually, sometimes, or almost never? How easy and joyful is the process for you? If you are not seeing the results you'd hoped for, or the process is hard and you'd like to create change for you in the experience, ask "Am I caring? Or care-taking?" Care-taking is doing whatever the other person tells you to do, because it makes them feel better. This can include listening to stories, hand-holding, and crying in sympathy. Caring is empowering a person to create change, whatever that looks like, and can include doing nothing and saying 'no.' What empowers? Questions, choice, awareness, and contributing only when asked and when you know change is possible. What if caring was not the good deeds auto-pilot system you thought it was? What if it was simply the willingness to be aware of, an in allowance of other people's choices? Do you think you have to always put other people first? And if you don't, you're being selfish?
How does that work for you? Are you always taking care of other people's needs, wants, complaints, and cares before yours? Have you been able to create the life you'd really like? Or are you tired, frustrated, and losing money or your health from helping other people? If you've been doing everything other people want, thinking that it will help you, and you'd now like a change, start here. No matter who or what comes across your path, ask "How can I use this to my advantage?" and take notice. There may be something. There may be nothing. The point is to consider — honour — you first. What if by you considering you above all else, you contributed more to others than you could ever imagine? Is that being selfish? How is your money situation? Flowing nicely? Or do you find it hard to get customers and clients to pay you on time, or ever? Do you find people seem interested in your work, but always seem reluctant to spend money on it?
What are your own points of view about paying for things? Are you happy to pay on time for the things you love? Or do you consider it a fun challenge to try and get everything for free, or as cheaply as possible? Maybe you even try to avoid paying at all costs, or at least pay as late and as little as possible? What impact are your points of view about paying having on payments flowing into your own business? What if by you paying with a generosity of spirit to bring the things you desire into your life, and honouring their creator, you are generating an invitation for more to flow your way? If you'd like to find out, ask "What if paying for things I love were a joy?" And the pay on time with a smile. Do you have people in your life who are always saying or doing mean things to you and others just for the fun of it? Those Evil Little Freaks — ELFs, or use any other word starting with F — who take delight in pushing your buttons?
Do they upset you? Do you scratch your head and wonder what you could do to stop them from being mean, and make them nice like you? What have you tried so far? Did that work? Can you ever change the way someone behaves? Not unless they choose to change. ELFs do what they do because they enjoy it. Will they change it because someone else doesn't like it? Probably not. So what can you do? Crinkle their universe with a question. Start asking yourself "What can I be, do, or say that will put this ELF into question?" It could be as simple as acknowledging them, playing blonde, asking without heat of judgement "That's fascinating! What exactly do you mean?" then listen. Repeat. Have you been wondering about what you're doing in life and where joy fits into it all?
Do you consider you are a conscious being living in a free will universe, where you have infinite, free choice? What are you choosing now? How much fun and joy are included? A lot, a little or none at all? Perhaps you're working on 'important' or 'serious' things? Consider this: if consciousness includes everything and judges nothing, surely that means, as a conscious being you are everywhere, have everything, are everything...including fun and joy? So how do you create stuff in your life that is, quite simply, wonderful fun? Start with a question like "What makes me smile, giggle and vibrate with joyful enthusiasm for more and more and more?" When you asked that, what came to mind? Whatever THAT was, choose it. And if you don't quite have a clear scent, CHOOSE ANYTHING and see if you laugh. If you don't, choose something else. If you do and then it stops, choose something else. Sound fun? Do you have an interest, hobby, project, event, job, business, global movement, or something that you'd love to share with others and have them join in and help it grow?
Have you found it easy engaging others in your vision? Or have you been a little surprised that more people don't 'get it'? Maybe you've even been shocked that some of your closest friends, or people you thought were in the same zone have run for the hills? Have you or others ever described what you do as a 'passion' or 'higher purpose'? How do those descriptions sound to you? Light and breezy? Heavy and serious? What do you prefer in life? Light and breezy, or heavy and serious? Whichever that is, if you're not experiencing the interest in your project you'd like, ask "What question could I be that would create curiosity?" If you're like me and prefer life to be fun, light and breezy, ask "What question could I be that would create curiosity, joy and laughter, or something greater than I could possibly imagine?" Do all sorts of magical creatures find you during the Silly Season, especially when you're offering cake and beer?
Who are they in your circles? You know the ones, the Snakes who always bite you when you least expect it, because that's their instinct. Or the Bring Downers, who simply get a kick out of making your life hell and bringing you down? Does it always shock, horrify, disappoint or upset you when they do it again and again and again? What if you gave up expecting everyone to be nice like you, and instead play this game? First, recognise who the Snakes and Bring Downers are in your life. Then you can choose to stay out of their way. Or, when they do enter your life, see them, and acknowledge them for being great at what they do. How? When they start with the biting and the bringing down — without heat — say "Wow, you're really good at doing that!" When they ask you what you're talking about reply "Whatever you're doing now. What is that?" Then listen with interesting point of view energy. Or walk away, with a nurturing smile to yourself. How much of the Silly Season do you spend listening to people tell you directly, or indirectly how much rubbish you are?
Is that fun? Is it true? If not and you'd like something different, play this game. Whenever you sense someone is looking to criticise, hurt, insult, or provoke you, smile, nod gently and — without heat — reply "Hmm, really interesting point of view." You are acknowledging their viewpoint and allowing them to enjoy it. You're not agreeing they're right, and you're not being distracted by falling into an angry, emotional reaction (which is usually what they really want so they can control you). If you need to pull the heat out of an interest onslaught, tell them "You're right. I'm wrong" three times. Our addiction to right and wrong, good and bad is one of the strongest we have. These two magic phrases will invite the energy of allowance into any Silly Season. Just think, if everyone were in allowance, would family feuds, neighbouring conflicts, or even global wars, topple over like dominos? Here's another game for when you find yourself in a Silly Season.
How do you normally approach special seasonal events or holidays? Do you prepare yourself to grin and bear all the things you think you're supposed to do? Do you go to places you'd rather not, or stay longer than you enjoy, because someone in your family or workplace has decided it's required? If you'd like to enjoy your holidays more, next time play a game of Nurture You Monopoly. The rules are: whatever arrangements your family or workplace has made, pre-plan a time and place to do something you really enjoy. Would that be a massage, pedicure, coffee with friends, a walk up the mountains or along the beach, or a game of golf? Or something else? Then devise an exit. Ask a friend to call you with an excuse. Pre-arrange a taxi to come and pick you up. When the phone call or taxi arrives, say "Thank you so much for today! I just have to pop out now to help my friend/mother/neighbour. I'll be back a bit later!" Then smile, LEAVE and nurture you. I was saving these games for just before the end of year festive holidays, but it feels like the Silly Season has come early this year and we could use some of these games right now.
How much stress do you normally experience when you spend time with your family, in-laws, or co-workers who are on a different wavelength to you? Have you got relatives who give you a hard time? Maybe you married the favourite cousin and you're 'not good enough'? Do some of them think it's 'fun' to laugh at your views on life? Or perhaps they're just plain mean ELFs who know you're an easy mark? If you dread family, workplace or other gatherings with people who are not in your zone, try these games and create a difference. Are your get togethers full of robust discussion or outright fighting? How many disagreements are really just individuals crying out for more attention? So give the ones giving you the hardest time, the attention they seek. With gentleness and allowance, say "I'm so grateful that you are in my life. You are such a gift." And smile. Then ask them questions and listen. No one will have paid them so much genuine attention in a long time. Being totally open, vulnerable and present with them will knock them over like a house of cards. And you never know, they may just ask you a question back. What do you say when terrible things show up in your life? Do you say "Oh NO, look what happened?!" What about when great things show up? What do you say then? Anything like "Oh wow, I can't believe it?!"
Would you like more great things to show up? Are you willing to acknowledge that YOU are the creator of everything in your life? All the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. YOU created it ALL? If so, then say "Wow, look at all the awesome/rubbish stuff I've created in my life! I wonder what else I could create?" When you're willing to acknowledge that YOU are the ideas person, author, creator, director, architect, engineer, draftsperson, CEP, President, Prime Minister, Grand PooBah of your own life, then you regain hold of its creation. If you can create magnificent rubbish, you can undoubtedly create magnificent magnificence. So then the question becomes, what would you truly like to create in your life? Do you have events that you go over and over in your mind? Things at work, school, with your family or friends? Do you tell them again and again to anyone who'll listen?
What is it about those events that makes you retell them? Do they make you feel good and help you move on? Do they make people take notice of you, or feel sympathy for you? When you tell your stories, does it invite new events, people and possibilities into your life? Or does it focus all your interest, energy and talents on the limitations of your story? Has your story become a justification about why you can't do something? To clarify what lies behind your stories, ask yourself "What's the value of my story?" and notice what comes to mind. If your stories don't add the value you'd like, just notice it with "hmmm, interesting." Then find something else to talk about. If someone you know is telling you the same story again and again, you can choose to listen politely, avoid them, or smile and say "Wow, that's a great story. You really tell it well each time I hear it. Got any others?" Do you feel like your life is a mess? Is nothing quite working out the way you thought it would? Do people you thought you could rely on keep leaving you stranded?
Have you asked lots of questions, but nothing is showing up how you expected it to? Do you feel like everything is falling apart? If so, ask "What if falling apart was falling together?" What if all those things you've been working on 25/8, bleeding sweat and tears, were still works in progress? What if the universe was rearranging things in a way you can't yet imagine? What if the mess were simply mid-creation? Before you decide something is not working, stop and ask "What's right about this I'm not getting?" and "What will it take for this to turn out better than I could ever imagine?" Then smile an enjoy the creative process. Do you have a great new job that everyone is proud or envious of? Are you working on a project you believe has a higher purpose or great value? Have you me The One? Is your being, body, heart, mind and soul buzzing with orgasmic pleasure?
Or not? Do you have a sense of heaviness, constrictive breathlessness, or overwhelm? Are you stressed? Is your body suffering? Have you put this down to 'new job/ project/ relationship pains'? Would you like to experience more ease and joy in life, including with any new additions like this? If so, ask "Am I creating my life for the joy of it, or something else?" When you create your life from the joy, everything sings: your heart, mind, and every cell of your body and being. If you sense a part of you in not singing, destroy and uncreate anything you have made significant and ask "What could I be doing differently to create more joy?" Then smile and play and find what brings you real joy. Do you ever think that only if you had more money, your life would be better? That money is the solution to your problems? That if only you had the money, you could do the thinks you'd really like?
Is money really the answer to your life? If you had all the money you desired, would all your problems go away? Or would you create new problems, even if you had a bottomless bank account? If you know you'd probably be creating new problems, then was money really the problem? Or was the problem something else? Does money create your life, or do you? If you'd like clarity about why you're not choosing what you'd really like as your life, ask "What if money wasn't the problem?" Have you decided money is a convenient, acceptable excuse for not showing up as you'd really like? What if by choosing to show up as you, money came and joined the party? When you wake up in the morning, what goes through your head? Ugh, coffee, shower, kids, work, chores, exhausted, bored, sigh, ugh? Or something else?
How do your days usually turn out? Do you notice when you wake up with sighs and ughs your day often continues with a stream of the same? What about when you start the day with a question, like "Who am I today and what grand and glorious adventures can I have?" Does your day have the same, or different energy? So what will you choose today? More sighs and ughs? Or something else? If you'd like something else, ask "What will I choose today to experience the joy of living?" Whatever comes to mind, heart, or body that makes you smile, choose that, no matter how left of field it might seem. What if the magic of life were that you get to choose and create it just the way you like. You just have to ask. Do you have a business and are looking to create new clients? Have you decided you have to work out an aggressive action plan to secure new contracts? Are you feeling heavy, paralysed by inaction, even a little depressed?
What if you could invite clients into your business with greater ease? If you'd like to find out what else is possible, ask "What about my business gives me joy?" Whatever that is, pull that energy of the JOY of your business from everywhere in the universe through you and fill your business with it. Then send trickles of it out into the world to everyone who is looking for your services or products. Carry that joy around with you in abundance. Everyday as you do this, ask "Who or what can I be or do today that will contribute to my business?" Notice what comes to mind, then be or do that. When you exude abundant joy, and are being or doing whatever your business requires, will you attract new clients? Play with it and see. Are you a parent, or thinking about growing some kids?
Do you feel like a beach ball on the ocean being battered by waves in the middle of a storm of advice? People telling you what you must/must not do to be a 'successful' parent? And if you don't, UH OH, your poor kids... Does this help you smile and enjoy being a parent, or potential parent? Or not so much? What if parenting wasn't what you thought it was? What if it could be whatever you chose it to be? What would that be? Try this on for size. Ask yourself "What if my job as a parent was to be joyful?" What would create more joy for you as a parent? Acknowledging everyone else's points of view as interesting, then asking "Does this work for me?" and creating your life based on your own awareness? What if the greatest gift you could offer your children was to show them the joy of life and living is whatever they choose it to be. Think of the last time you were in a class, meeting, workout, or family gathering. How did you feel? Tired? Drained? Bored?
Were you dreaming of a good lie down, yearning for some chocolate (or something stronger), or wondering what on earth you were doing there? What were your students, teacher, boss, co-workers, trainer, coach, family or friends doing? Were they smiling and joyful, offering expressions of encouragement, support and understanding? Or were their brows furrowed, their faces blank or glued to their phones? Do you sense the energetic difference between someone who smiles at you and tells you "Yes, let's do this think! Great going!" and someone who looks serious or glum and tells you "No, not like that. Do it right like this!" or someone who never looks up from their phone? Next time you find you're in a situation like this, ask "What energy could my smile contribute?" If you sense it could create change, then smile. And if you sense that they won't choose to change, then you can always smile and walk away. What if a smile alone created more joyful energy in your life? Would you choose to smile even more? |
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