Are you a serious person, deeply concerned about family, community, and world affairs? Are you always focused, earnest, and diligent?
How much do you laugh with sheer delight and joy? Not much? Perhaps you decided somewhere consciously or unconsciously that to laugh is to be frivolous? If so, and you'd like another possibility as yourself "What could my laughter contribute?" What if instead of going about your life carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, you laughed your way through with a lightness of being as you create your lived adventure? What could the vibration of your laughter heal? For example, next time you find yourself in a heated 'debate' (fight), instead of getting all cranky pants and righteous, what if you burst out giggling with real joy and said "You know what, you're probably right. Goodness I make myself laugh sometimes!" Then smile and walk away. What crinkles in the universe could your laughter make for new possibilities to squeeze through?
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How often do you get upset? Have you ever considered you never need to be upset? It might seem a strange idea at first, given most of the world, and all of the media, runs on trauma, drama, upset, intrigue and struggle. The truth is, you can if you choose.
Simply start by asking yourself "What if I never needed to be upset?" What is upset? Upset, trauma, drama, anger, intrigue and struggle can show up for various reasons. For example, you enjoy it, it entertains you, and so you create it. Nothing wrong with that if it's fun for you. (The media, for example, LOVES it.) Upset can also show up when you're missing information. In this case, simply ask for clarity, for example "I'm sorry, I'm not clear on what you mean exactly?" Then listen, and ask more questions until the upset dissipates. Another source of upset is simply that you're being someone else. When you're totally aware and in allowance, where everything is just an interesting point of view, you will never need to be controlled, limited, or distracted by upset. Unless you enjoy and choose it. What if you were always so aware that you never cut off your awareness? What life would you create then? Are you aware of people actively working against you?
How do you respond? Do you feel you have no choice but to resist and react, to make choices based on what they've done or said? Do you try to prove you are/are not whatever they've said you are/are not? Are you distracted by the fight? If you'd like another possibility, ask yourself "What if I outsmarted people who were trying to undo me?" When you're aware of what's going on and willing to ask questions, you step into the possibility of out-creating those who seek to keep you trapped in their narrative. What if rather than resisting and reacting to other people, you take action based on what you know is true for you? What if 'outsmarting' was as simple as seeing an obstacle and choosing to walk around it, rather than bash your head against it? How many layers of protective personality do you find yourself wearing to suit every situation?
For example, the good son/daughter, the generous parent, the smart student, the diligent employee, the kind woman, the strong man, the understanding sibling, the polite stranger, the charismatic leader, the good-hearted volunteer? What else? How do you feel under all those layers? Light and breezy? Or a bit heavy and stifled? If you'd like to shed a few tonne, ask "What if I didn't need a facade?" What if you were, well just simply, you in ever situation? This is who you are and others can accept that, or not. Would you feel lighter, like caked on makeup or mud has been washed away after how many decades? Would your real smile finally be seen? What amazing changes might that create? And even if some people leave your life because they decide the real you is not for them, what other amazing people might show up? On a scale of minus infinity to infinity, how powerful do you feel right now?
Who or what have you decided is more powerful than you? Is that true? Or is it an interesting point of view you've agreed and aligned with? Or perhaps you've decided it's better, or easier to give your power away? Other people will always try to dis-empower you so they can control you and get you to do what they'd like. Remember, a question empowers, so if you'd prefer to have the power to create your life the way you'd like, simply start with a question and ask yourself "What if I wasn't powerless?" Truth, are you an infinite being with infinite choice and possibilities? What are you afraid of right now? Think of that, and then ask yourself "Is this reality, or fear?"
Fear can be real, for example when you're confronted by a lion. Real fear will cause immediate action to resolve the situation, ie run away from the lion. Unreal fear is something different. Unreal fear is used by people for control, to make other people do what they say and take no independent action of their own. Inaction is a telltale sign of unreal fear. Whatever your fear is right now, you have choices. For example, you can choose to constrict your universe to avoid ever having to confront your fear. Or you can choose to do what you're told and cement the unreal fear into your reality. Or you can ask yourself "Am I willing to do whatever it takes to change the thing I am afraid of?" There is no right or wrong choice. They are simply choices. Choice create awareness and you can always make another choice, and another, and another ad infinitum. It's worth remembering that a bully is only a bully as long as you agree to live in fear of what the bully might do. When you choose to step out of fear, you can see everything else that is possible. Are you willing to see the bullies in your life, acknowledge them for what they are, and choose for you? Do you cry a lot? Do you enjoy crying?
Sometimes crying is a way for your body to release tension. Is that what you're doing? To find out, ask yourself "How am I using these tears?" If you become aware that you are using tears as a tool, a weapon, for protection or any other kind of manipulation, ask yourself "What am I doing here? Is it really working?" And if you become aware that your tears are not creating the changes you'd like, ask "What else is possible?" Of course you can also ask these questions of anyone — directly or silently to yourself to gain awareness — if you have someone in your life who cries a lot. Crying is not a wrongness and these questions are simply one way to expand your awareness of what is really going on in case you'd like to create a change. When you see someone crying or in distress, what do you do? Do you reach out and try to comfort them? Or you give them a tissue and allow them to cry?
When you reach out to comfort them, how does it work out? Do they try to stop because crying is not the 'polite' thing to do? Do you get caught up in their world of trauma and drama? Do you feel bad for not being able to help them no matter what you do? Are they able to clear what's going on with them? How much freedom and possibility do you sense in these responses? If you'd like to create space for people to move through their tears, ask "Am I willing to let them cry?" Crying is not wrong. Have you ever noticed that when you've locked tension into your body to avoid something, your body will sometimes release this tension through tears? Being in total allowance of someone as they cry, as they break apart so they can fall together, is one of the greatest gifts of caring you can be. You're not 'taking care' of them, you are caring about them enough to allow them to go through whatever they have to go through, and come out the other side. Are you willing to allow people to ask for assistance when they require it, not when you've decided you need to make them feel better? How many people tell you what to do or think every day, directly or indirectly? No one, a few people or almost everyone?
Who are they? Parents, family, friends, neighbours, community leaders, governments, the media and other complete strangers? When you do what they tell you to do, how do you feel? Breezy and light? Great! Did you know that sometimes people tell you to do something for a reason that has nothing to do with what they're actually telling you to do? So if you have a sense of discomfort or heaviness, and you'd like clarity about the truth of what's going on, ask yourself "What are they really trying to get me to do?" When you get clear on the true aim of what people are trying to get you to do, your heaviness should lighten. Then choose for you. What do you do when something goes 'wrong' for you? For example, you've asked a question, made a choice, had an awareness, followed the energy...and then things didn't turn out how you thought they would.
What did you do? Did you go into the wrongness of you, blaming yourself for asking the 'wrong' question or making the 'wrong' choice? If so, and you'd prefer not to make yourself 'wrong', ask yourself "What gifts have I created?" There's always something, you simply need to look. At the very least you are now aware of something you weren't before. And at best you may discover something or someone wonderful that you would have never otherwise found. How do you define you? Are you just you: doing, thinking, creating, being as you prefer? Or are you something else?
If it's something else, ask yourself "What if relationship wasn't what I thought it was?" How much of your life have you defined yourself by your relationship to everyone and everything around you? How much of what you have been choosing to do, think, create, have you defined by where you stand in relation to others? Have you been choosing based on what that choice will create for you, or for someone else? Does choosing based on relationship feel light or heavy? Expansive or limited? What amazing things could you create if you gave up all relationship to everyone and everything and just be you? How easily can you see when people are lying? To themselves or other people?
What do you do? Do you work hard to expose the lie? Trying to save people or make the liars pay? How does that work out? Do the liars say "Oops, you got me! Won't do that again!" Or do they work even harder to hide their lies and make you wrong? If you'd like to create something different for yourself and others, when you see the liars ask yourself "What if I let the liars lie?" When someone is lying to themselves, is it your job to save them? No, it's their choice to deceive themselves. When someone is lying to other people, is it your job to save them? No, it's their choice to be deceived. By being in allowance of liars, you create the space for them to lie and lie and lie and lie until there is nothing left but lies. And when only lies exist, what will people see? Only lies. How hard to you work to support other people? Are you working working day and night, even voluntarily, in a business or on a project, and excited to give everything you can offer.
You're there to make difference but no one is listening. Perhaps you can see exactly how something could go wonderfully, if only they'd do A, B and C. Or maybe you can see exactly where it's going, like the Titanic, and it's not looking pretty. Are you killing yourself to stop things going wrong, or to make things go right? If so, and you'd like to not die, ask yourself "Am I willing to have others crash and burn?" You're not hoping they'll crash and burn; you're being in allowance of what they're creating. And who knows, by being the space of allowance, the other person may be able to see what you're offering to contribute and ask you a question. And if they do crash and burn you can always ask yourself a question like "What can I contribute here?" Then you get to make another choice, even if that is to turn and walk away. Are you doing something you sense you'd rather not, but you're doing it anyway?
What reasons do you give yourself for doing it? That someone will be happy/accepting/impressed by what you're doing? That if you do this, then later that will show up and make it all worthwhile? That people are depending on you to save them? If you're not clear, ask yourself "What am I being seduced by?" It might be an actual honeypot, it may be dreams of fame and glory, or it may be the idea you're being a hero-saviour. It may be something else. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. Notice it, ask another question, and make a choice. You may end up doing the exact same thing. The difference is you will be doing it from choice, not seduction and hopes of reward. How many things are you worried about at the moment? Nothing, a few things, or almost everything?
Is someone telling you that you must do certain things, that you'd prefer not to do, and you're trying to figure out a way around it? Or perhaps you'd like to do something, and are being told you can't? If so, and you'd like to change it ask "Am I playing in the storyline?" People will always create a narrative and tell you a story to make you feel that you have no choice, and that you must do what they want you to do. This question will prompt you to ask a question about the reality you'd like to create that suits you, rather than being focused on how to do/avoid doing what someone is telling you can can't/must do, ie playing in someone else's storyline. The reality is you are an infinite being with infinite possibilities and you always have a choice. You just have to make it. And who knows what will ripples your choice will create? Are you looking for elders to give you answers? People older, more experienced, better educated, 'professionals' to tell you what to do?
Is that working for you? If not, ask yourself "What can I be or do different today?" 'Different' is not the same as 'differently.' Differently is doing the same thing in different ways. Different is outside anything you or others have ever considered. Do other people — even the most experienced, educated or professional — know you? And do they really care about your wellbeing and abundance? Or are they mainly concerned about their own? What about you? Are you really seeking an answer from other people? Or are you seeking to create a difference? How often do you find yourself in a no-win argument or heated discussion? You've got all the facts at your finger tips, but others are simply not listening.
Or perhaps you're finding that other people always seem to be talking down to you, explaining and pontificating to you about things, as if you have no idea? If you do and would like to change this, ask yourself "Am I dumber than dirt?" Dirt knows what it is; do you? Dirt doesn't have to prove how smart it is. What could you create if you weren't fixated on proving yourself to someone who simply doesn't care? Sometimes when you interact with people or are in certain situations, do you find yourself saying "interesting point of view" with clenched teeth and a little bit of heat?
If so, ask yourself "Am I doing tolerance and patience?" Tolerance is what you do when you're frustrated, but you let whatever is going on go through its process, even thought you're not happy about it. When you're tolerant, you are agreeing to suffer in silence. Patience is when you're waiting for someone or something to change, while you're sitting in judgement of it not changing. Have you ever put your life on hold until something changes? While you put you're life on hold, you have no choice. You are sitting in judgement, vested in the outcome. So when you notice heat while saying or thinking "interesting point of view" be aware that you may have a judgement of something. Then, without making yourself wrong, say "Interesting point of view I have that point of view." Total allowance is to acknowledge what's going on and being willing to choose for you and not wait for or put up with whatever else is going on. Do you find yourself often depressed?
Do you enjoy being depressed? Does it work for you? If it does, no problem. If not and you'd like not to be depressed ask yourself "Is this depression mine, or someone else's?" When it lightens, say "Return to sender with consciousness." Maybe you've grown up with a parent who was depressed and tried to take the depression away from them? Perhaps you're surrounded by a world of people overflowing with despair and you're body is soaking it up? Whatever the source, it doesn't matter. If it's not yours, just ask it to leave. On the other hand, if you're choosing depression ask yourself "What if instead of spending all my energy to create depression, I simply enjoyed my day?" And if none of that changes your depression, ask "What do I love about this?" and "What's the value of this?" How much evil, meanness and ugliness can you see in the world? Not much, a bit, or everywhere you look?
When you see evil, meanness and ugliness, what do you do? Do you resist and react to it, trying to fix it? How does that work out? If you'd like greater ease and possibility, ask yourself "What if evil, mean and ugly were just a choice?" Now breath. People choose to do evil, mean and ugly things all the time just because they can. When you are able to see all the evil, meanness and ugliness in the world and recognise that it is all simply an interesting point of view — it's not right or wrong, or good or bad, it's just a choice people make — then you will no longer be the effect of it. When you are the effect of something, how free are you to create the changes you'd really like? When you resist and react to something, do you dissipate, or solidify the thing you're reacting to? What if by being in total allowance of everything — including the evil, mean & ugly — you created more possibilities for the world you desire than you ever imagined? Do you have someone in your life who is choosing to do things to themselves that you know will hurt them?
Have you tried everything to make them listen to you and stop? Has it worked? If not, ask yourself "What if I truly cared?" True caring is allowing someone to do exactly what they choose to do until they choose to change or die. None of that is your fault. And if they change their behaviour, it is their choice and not because you told, convinced, bribed, coerced or forced them to do it. Be aware that when you totally care for someone, you can create the same issues for yourself. How? You'll notice their problems, duplicate them as a way to figure out how to fix them, then you'll forget that the problems weren't yours to begin with, and you'll be stuck with them. In this case, simply ask "Who does this belong to? Return to sender with consciousness." Have you grown up thinking that honesty is the best policy? Do you always seek to tell people what you know to be true?
How has that working for you? If it's not easy sailing, ask yourself "What if honesty wasn't what I thought it was?" When you tell people what you think they ought to hear, because you know it to be true, are you considering their point of view, their truth or their reality? Or are you telling them your point of view, your truth and your reality? When you dump your points of view on top of someone, how much space do they have for themselves? Do they enjoy being hemmed in under your pile of truth and ask you for more? Or do they kick it off and run away? What if instead of being bluntly honest with other people, you be bluntly honest with yourself, and only tell people what they are capable of hearing? Or even ask them a question instead? How easily are you able to share your ideas with people with out them laughing at you/walking away/rolling their eyes/calling you crazy? Do you often get into heated discussions where the other person point-blank refuses to listen to you?
Would you prefer greater ease with talking to people about things that you're interested in? If so, ask yourself "Am I willing to tell people only what they can hear?" Then next time you start a conversation with someone, instead of blowing their head off with the godzillion amazing things you know, ask them a question like "So what's new and interesting for you?" Then listen and wait until they ask you a question. When they do — with kindness, allowance and awareness — ask them another question about something you're interested in, such as "Right now I'm working on X. Have you had anything to do with that?" Then listen and wait until they ask you another question. Telling people what they can hear from kindness, allowance and awareness is different from not wanting to be judged for what you say. It's a gentle way of being that honours what they can receive and allows their head to stay in one piece. And they may even just hear something you have to say. Have you ever noticed yourself striving to have someone else — your boss, your co-worker, your parents, your partner, your kids, or even random strangers — see you and acknowledge you and what you're doing?
Like when you started a job or project and throw yourself into it enthusiastically 24/7. Do you do that purely because it's fun for you? Or are you doing some part (even all) of it to prove your worth to someone else? Does anyone ever acknowledge your value? When they don't, what do you do? Do you react, working even more frantically on it? Or maybe you do the opposite and completely lose motivation? If you'd prefer an alternative, when you notice people's lack of interest in what you're doing, ask yourself "What if I didn't need to prove how valuable I was?" Then if you sense the project is not really fun for you and you were only doing it to prove something to someone, you can choose to simply stop. Or if your sense of excitement about the project grows, with allowance say to yourself "Aah well, I wasn't doing it for them anyway. I'll keep doing it 'cause it's fun for me! Just for me, just for fun, never tell anyone"? All just choices valid for 10 seconds at a time. Do you run a small business? How easy do you find it to ask to be paid?
It might sound strange that many people, especially in health, wellness and other care-giving fields have trouble asking for money. They're in it to help people and would probably do it for nothing if they didn't have to buy themselves food and shelter. People also have a variety of points of view about money. If you're someone who enthusiastically contributes to other people and finds it to be paid for your work, practice saying this "Can I have the money now please?" Repeat the phrase over and over, simply, factually and with a smile. Then next time you're about to work for someone, say it before you start the job and gratefully receive the payment. How much more do you value things you've paid for? What if asking for payment in advance contributed more value to your business than you could possibly imagine? And at the very least, you'll be paid. |
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