Have you been asking questions but things don't seem to be changing in the way you'd hoped?
What sort of questions are you asking? Do they sound like this “What do you know about X?” or “What's it going to take for people to get that I know all about X and recognise my worth?” Are these really questions? Or are they conclusions with question marks attached? In other words, you've decided what you want (to tell people about X), and that without people listening to you about X you have no worth. So if you're not getting the change you'd truly like, check your questions. Ask “Is this a question, or is it a statement with a question mark attached?” (also known as "Am I being a superior asshole?") Then ask a real question.
0 Comments
Are you bored, unexcited or simply uninspired with your study or work? Perhaps you've been doing something because you decided it was a good career choice, a noble cause, a higher purpose, or just because you've always done it? You'd be crazy to give it up; you'd let everyone down, right?
What about your relationships? Do you spend time with people simply because you work with, they've been friends forever, they're family, or you're worried they'll be upset if you don't? And life in general, how's that going? If you've been feeling a little (or a lot) flat of late, start by asking “Who and what truly excites and inspires me?” Then whatever comes to mind, choose that. See how it works out. Ask the question again. Repeat following the energy of whatever and whomever excites and inspires you. In other words, rather than doing something begrudgingly because you think it is 'right' (for whom?) or expected (by whom?), what if you were excited and inspired by what you did everyday, and by everyone around you? Would your life ever be tiresome or hard, even when sudden disruptions or restrictions are thrown in your way? And what amazing contribution could you be to the world, by doing wholeheartedly what you love, rather than half-heartedly what you think you should? Do you find yourself behaving in way that is, well, not quite you?
Like getting really cranky, crying like a madwoman, throwing a floor-fist-banging tantrum, being distracted by a pointless fight with some faceless idiot online, or otherwise doing something you know is crazy and not you, but you can't seem to help it? What if it wasn't you? To find out, ask “Who am I being now?” We pick up all sorts of stuff from those around us, from our parents, teachers, friends and pretty much everyone. This question is designed to remind you that maybe it really isn't you. Then you can ask “If I were me, who would I be?” If you're a parent, try it with your kids. Are they mad as hell or being a drama queen? Ask them gently without heat “Who are you being now?” Don't be surprised if they reply “YOU!!” Then ask “If you were you, who would you be?” and listen. At the very least it might crinkle their universe and stop the drama spiral for a second or two. At best, their whole life might change. How often do you limit your choices – before you even consider them – by concluding that other people won't approve?
Do you ever say something like “My husband/wife/partner wouldn't agree”, “My parents wouldn't like it” or even “No one else does that, so what would everyone think of me?” Is worrying about what other people think one of the main reasons you give for not doing something? What if you took other people out of the equation so you could see what you'd really like to choose? If you'd like to find out, ask yourself “If other people's points of view weren't real – if everything were just an interesting point of view – what would I choose?” How many of the world's great science, social, cultural, business and other innovations and discoveries have come from people doing what they loved, and knowing what was right for them, no matter what other people thought was real, true, or possible? What could be possible for you if you listened more to you? Are you stuck in a non-productive cycle of right/wrong/right/wrong or true/fake/true/fake with someone?
Can you see the precise disconnect between you and the other person, and how the situation could improve so simply and easily if you both considered the other's interesting point of view? Truth, can you ever change anyone else? No. The only thing you can change is YOU. YOU are the only one that can cut your mobius strip of conflict. Are you willing to stop hanging on to your point of view that you can change someone? Sometimes change is possible only when you let things go. So if you'd like to extract yourself from a cycle of struggle, ask “What could I be doing differently that would contribute to the change I desire?” Are you smart? Are you aware of everything going on around you in all time, space and dimensions, seeing connections, pasts and futures that no one else can see?
And yet do you find that other people always seem to be talking down to you, explaining and pontificating on things to you, as if you had no idea? How do you react? Do you nod, smile and think "interesting"? Or do you get annoyed, worked up, and drawn into a meaningless circular argument? Do people ever concede you known what you're talking about? If not and you'd like greater ease in these situations ask "What if I didn't need to prove I was smart"? Does trying to prove you're smart mean that you've actually decided you're not? Is that true? Or did you buy that point of view from someone, sometime? When you try to prove you’re smart, you have to have all the answers. What if your smarts - your awareness - was the thing that could point out where the answers end and the questions begin? What else could be possible then? Is something going on in your life that has you stuck and unable to take action? For you to be unable to change something, you have to have decided or concluded something about it.
Ask yourself, what have you decided in your life right now that is perfect, or the answer? A relationship? A job? A business? A government strategy? When you can see your decisions – and are willing to let them go – all change becomes possible. So when you're stuck and unable to make the changes you'd really like, ask “What decisions, conclusions, and answers have I made about this?” This does not mean you have to end the relationship, give up on the job/business quest, or become an anti-government activist. Once you are aware of limitations you have created through decisions and conclusions, you can choose to transform them into something else. Perhaps into even something better than you could have ever imagined. How? Just ask another question, such as "What information do I need?" Whenever you've had more time than usual away from friends, family, work, travel or other stimulating positive environments, do you find it easy to spiral downward? Do you start focusing on what's wrong with your life, what's wrong with you?
Do you get really down on yourself, feeling that you're not quite right somehow? Maybe you start to feel that you're less than you should be or that you're not what someone else expects you to be? Perhaps time on your own has changed the way you think, and now you don't seem to fit in with everyone around you? Have people started calling you crazy, or worse, and you think that you're wrong for not fitting in? What if there was nothing wrong with you? If you'd like to find out, rather than judging yourself as wrong, ask “What's right about me that I'm not getting?” What if you were not nearly as messed up as you thought you were? What if you were just different? And what if, by acknowledging this, you show up as the difference that the world needs? This is free and doesn't hurt, so give it a go, ask the question. How often do you get stuck in a no-win fight? Do you enjoy it when other people won't listen to your opinion and only want you to see theirs?
How much stress, anxiety and worry do you suffer from trying to prove who's right and who's wrong about something? Does this help your work or business? Do fights create, or use your time and money? What does stress, anxiety and worry do to your body and health? Would you prefer to create greater ease in life for you and your body? Then practice these magic words “interesting point of view” every time you find yourself having a difference of opinion with someone. You're not saying anyone is right or wrong. You're acknowledging everyone has a right to their own (perhaps insane) point of view, including you. Say it lightly, smile and move on, for example “Yes, I see, thank you. That's a really interesting point of view. I wonder what would be the most rewarding outcome for our business/relationship/health/life right now? What else could we look at?” This invites in new ideas and information that you might both find interesting. Whatever you've got going on – great or not so great – it can always get better. You just have to ask.
What bad things are going on with you right now? Perhaps you've run out of essential supplies, lost your job, closed your business and went bankrupt, are stuck in a confined space, are unable to travel, got dumped by the love of your life, got sick, or [list your own not-so-good stuff here _________________]? What about the good things? There's got to be something. Are you enjoying spending more time with your immediate community and family? Catching up on all the projects you've never given yourself time to do? Spending less time/money travelling to work? Noticing less pollution around you? Managing to enjoy life without things you previously considered essential? What else? [List your own good stuff here ______________]. Now ask “How does it get any better than this?” This is your invitation for something even better to show up. Of course you'd like the bad things to improve. The good stuff? Just because something is great now, doesn't mean it can't be even greater. What are you hiding from your kids? Birthday presents? Family trouble? A global crisis?
Do you think your kids can't see you're hiding something? When you were young, did you know your parent's secret hiding spot for special things? Did you sense family troubles brewing? Could you see something was not quite right with the world? How did you respond when your parents shut you down for asking about these unspoken secrets? Did you take it personally and shut down, thinking you were somehow wrong, stupid or crazy for asking? Were you confused when your world collapsed after they'd told you everything was A-OKAY? If you'd prefer a different reality for your children, ask yourself "Am I willing to tell my children the truth?" This doesn't mean you have to sit them down and lecture them. In fact, you might not need to do anything. Willingness alone can create the space for something different to show up. They may not ask you anything at all. And when they do, it simply means you're willing to listen to their questions, to be with them in that moment, to empower them to know what they know and to create the life they choose, without the added confusion of lies. Do you get cranky pants with people? Are you frustrated when people make choices, which from your standpoint seem harmful?
Anger can indicate all sorts of things. Rising anger may indicate someone is lying to you. Explosive anger can show you where you've been suppressing yourself. While heated anger can be a sign that you are in judgement, rather than interesting point of view. When you sense any heated irritation, ask yourself "Has my awareness outstripped my allowance?" If so, repeat "Interesting point of view I have that point of view" until your allowance expands infinitely, creating space for infinite awareness. Remember, choice creates awareness. So what's right about people's 'harmful' choices that you're not getting yet? Got something you'd like to say? How many times have you tried to say it? Once? Twice? A thousand? More?
Are you being heard? Do people hang on your every word, wanting to know more? Or do they close their ears, and walk or even run away? How do you present your ideas? Are you well researched, earnestly setting out the facts? Or do you playfully, joyfully ask a few questions and then listen to the other person's point of view? Whatever you're doing, if it's working for you, keep doing it. If not, ask yourself "What could I say to make them laugh?" When you laugh, how do you feel? Do you remain defensive and aloof? Or do you relax and open up? Ultimately, you may or may not get your message across, but at least the interaction will be more enjoyable for both of you. You never know, they may come back later for some more of the good vibe. And one day, they may even hear what you're saying. Do you have a point of view about something that when anyone else says the opposite, or even something just a bit different to your point of view, you feel your heckles rising?
Is there something that you know for sure, than when anyone even hints that they don't agree, you grit your teeth and barrage them with pointed questions, pushing them to the point of no choice but to agree with you? Or perhaps when someone dares hold their ground against your views, you throw up your hands in disgust and walk away, rolling your eyes at the ignorance? You do these things because you know you're right, right? What if when you need to be right, you're absolutely wrong? If you'd like to find out, next time you notice yourself in this situation, ask yourself "Am I needing to be right?" And if you sense a need, ask yourself "What awareness could I have if I wasn't in judgement?" Is someone bullying, gaslighting, or trolling you? Or maybe the opposite? Someone is trying to build you up, driving you to be or do something they think would be good for you?
What do you do? Do you resist and react against the bullies? Do you agree and align with the supporters? In either case, where are you? If you'd like to find out, ask yourself "Am I trying to validate other people's realities?" When you create your life in reaction/action against/for someone else you solidify their reality, not yours. So if you'd prefer to create your life freely, with infinite possibilities that work for you, ask "If other people's points of view weren't real, what would I choose?" What are you finding tough in your life right now? Perhaps you're not able to do all the things you used to do? Maybe your study or work situation has changed? Or have you experienced challenges or changes in your circles of friends?
Whatever that is for you, if you'd like relief from the toughness ask yourself "What am I enjoying about this?" For example, what new, interesting things have filled the space created by you not doing all the things you used to do? Have you been thrust into a different, more stimulating field of study or work? Maybe you've discovered a wonderful new bunch of people who see what you see? And perhaps the toughness has opened your eyes and mind to previously undreamt of possibilities and new realities? There has to be something you're enjoying about your situation, if you'll only ask the question and look. Otherwise, you are choosing it for what reason? Maybe you simply enjoy a challenge? Have you ever been completely, 100 per cent, absolutely certain about something, only to find one day that everything you held to be true, was in fact not true?
Like your 'till death do I part' loving partner, falling in love with someone else and walking out? Like a highly esteemed charity exposed as having committed crimes against children for centuries? Like a trusted authority urging you to use something, praising it as good for you, when actually it's very, very bad, like asbestos, DDT, smoking, or thalidomide to name just a few examples? What else have you experienced that shattered your reality? If you'd prefer not to experience that stomach sickening wrench of cognitive dissonance again, next time you find yourself completely, 100 per cent, absolutely certain about something, ask yourself "Are my eyes wide shut?" This question is a simple reminder that you may be looking, but not seeing something hiding in plain sight. And remember, what's light is right for you. Do you know the old philosophical question "If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, would it create a sound?"
One explanation is: sound is different frequencies of vibrations, and if no one is in the forest to hear it, those vibrations will not be converted into sound. So by that definition, there would be no sound. So what about everything else? If something happens and you don't think it's a problem, but your mum does, is it a problem? Unless you like problems, next time this happens ask yourself "What if I choose not to hear it?" Then smile and say or think "Interesting point of view, mum." Right now, what are you aware of that every single person around you can't see?
When you talk about what you're aware of, what do they do? Do they listen patiently and kindly, smile and pat you on the shoulder and say "Sure, that's an interesting point of view. Not something I can see, but hey I'm here for you no matter what"? Or do they laugh at you, gaslight you, bully you, call you crazy, tell you you're wrong, worthless, and stupid? Or maybe they just smirk and roll their eyes? What do you do when someone spits on your point of view like this? Do you second guess yourself, capitulate, agree and align with their point of view? Does it become so heavy it pulls you down? If so, ask yourself "Am I willing to have my own back?" When you're not willing to have your own back, you'll crumple at the whisper of someone else's doubt or scepticism, no matter how clear your awareness. And the best thing about having your own back is that you'll see very clearly, very quickly anyone who doesn't. Do you know what's right for you and how you'd prefer to create your life? Amazing!
How often do other people succeed in influencing the way you create your life, imposing their views on and controlling you? Never, sometimes, or all the time? If it's more than 'never' and you'd like to change that, ask yourself "Am I holding my position?" People will always try to manipulate you into doing what they'd like. And you're a nice person, right? So you smile and listen to them. And you're not as smart as them, right? So you think they must know better. Truth, who know most about your life? You or someone else? Who cares most about you? You or someone else? You. So next time you sense someone is seeking to distract you from what you'd like to do, and manipulate you into doing what they want, smile and ask them questions. For example "I'm sorry. I'm confused. Can you show me?" or "What do you mean by that exactly?" keeping you focused on what you know is best for you until they move out of your way. And if it becomes clear they will never allow your position, smile and walk away. Do you consider yourself a shy person? While everyone else around you seems to desire being seen and heard, do you prefer to be quietly unnoticed?
Have you made being shy a wrongness? Has someone else told you it's wrong and that you should change? What if being shy wasn't what you thought it was? If you'd like to find out, ask "What if I wasn't shy?" Perhaps shyness is your ploy to get others to reach out to you? Rather than fending off the idiot moths who flock to the flame of celebrity, you're most content to wait quietly in the field for the right bee to find you. There's nothing wrong with being shy if you're aware of your choice. So if you sense your shyness might come from obeying someone, sometime long ago telling you to shut up and keep your head down, ask "If I were me, who would I be?" How often do you say 'sorry'?
Sorry I must be wrong. Sorry I probably don't know what I'm talking about. Sorry I got in your way. Sorry I shouldn't have said anything. Sorry I've made it worse. What else are you sorry for? Are you actually wrong? Do you really not know what you're talking about? Truth, are you getting in someone's way? Really shouldn't you say anything? Do you actually make things worse? What is it about saying sorry that you value? Do you get something out of being a victim? Does someone like you to be weaker than them? Has your family entrained you to think that's what you're supposed to do? If you would like to change this, ask yourself "Am I addicted to the wrongness of me?" What if you weren't 'wrong'; you were just different? What gift could your difference be to the world? What are you waiting for to end? A relationship? A job? An illness? A national or global situation?
Have you been suffering for a long time, spending your days dreaming and planning in fear, stress and worry about how to end it? Or perhaps you've finally made a choice to speak out, stand up, and take action to end it? Have you decided that when you do, the 'bad' thing will end and you can go back to a normal or even better life? Do you have significant hopes and dreams about it and how your life will change? If so, ask yourself "What if the end was the beginning?" This question is designed to remind you that your life is a constant creation: your constant creation. Are you choosing to live it? Or are you waiting for someone to do something, or something to finish first? Even if you aren't waiting, and you're taking action yourself, rather than focusing on the end, what if you consider your completion as a contribution to the next thing you can create? Where accomplishments are simply the beginning of something greater. What do you consider possible? Anything? Or do you have certain limits?
What are those limits? For example, what if your doctor told you you had an 'incurable disease'? Would you ask questions, considering the possibility that nothing is incurable? Or would you plunge into fear, fight and flight, ultimately resigning to what the doctor tells you, and follow the prognosis downhill? What other hard limits do you have, about money, people, reality, what else? Whatever limits you sense, ask "Am I entrained?" Entrainment is where you are pulled along so strongly by someone or something, that you end up disregarding your own instincts, common sense, imagination, knowledge and experience. Why do people and organisations seek to entrain you? Money, power and control are three simple reasons to start with, and there are likely an infinite number of others. Remember, placebo is a recognised medical effect; your body can respond to what the mind tells it. This question can help you to recognise your thoughts may not be your own, and to regain control over your own mind. Are you ever confronted with things that don't make sense, or by people who seem to be living in a parallel reality?
Does it stress you out, or make you sick from worry? How angry, upset, or hurt do you get? Do you know everything about everything in the universe? Probably not (yet at least). So rather than causing yourself discomfort, damage, or dis-ease, next time when you're confronted by someone or something that does not fit within your view of the world, ask "What is this teaching me?" Then ask questions and find out more about it. You may end up holding the same point of view you had before. Or you may change your point of view to match theirs. Or you may change your point of view in a completely different way. Whatever the outcome, your questions will create new possibilities and expand your awareness. |
First visit?If you're brand new, then you might also like to start from Q1 here and work your through to now? Or search for the topic of your choice above. What would you like to ask about? A relationship? Money? Work? Body? Health? Or life in general? Enter your keyword below and see what shows up!
Why questions? A question will always empower you to see and create more. An answer will only limit you to what you have decided is right. This is a 100% free service and our gift to you. If you would like to contribute to our work, we are most grateful. Also share the love on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, MeWe. Archives
October 2021
Categories
All
|