How many things do you have in your life that don't work for you, that you think you have to be/do/have because someone else said so?
You have to study for that exam, go to that school, study that subject, enter that company, learn that language, marry that person, have that many children, attend that event, vote for that person, put that in your body, follow that rule and so on. How well do you do them? Just because someone else says you need to be/do/have something is a good idea, will it always work out well for you? Who is the one person who does know what will work for you and what is true for you? YOU. Only you know if something works for you. It feels light as a feather. Unlike all the heavy stuff you know doesn't work for you, but you do anyway because you were told to. So if you're not as happy as you'd like to be, start listening and trusting you more by asking "Does this work for me?" Notice whether you feel heavy or light. And if you'd like to change any heaviness, ask "What else is possible?"
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What would you like to have show up in your life?
A great new job, a successful business, smart staff, more customers, reliable suppliers, an investor, money, greater ease, less stress, better health, more fun? For life to become better than the normal you had before the fear and panic? Something else? Whatever that is, invite it into your life by asking "What's it going to take for X to show up?" Be aware of the specific details of your question. For example, if you ask for the 'perfect job,' you may create a job based on other people's expectations of perfect, including how long and hard you have to work, doing whatever your boss says even if it makes no sense, taking sides in office politics, and so on. So instead, be clear on what you'd like by asking, for example “What's it going to take for [a rewarding job that I enjoy and allows me to extend my talents, with flexible, fun, creative people] to show up, that would contribute to my life more than I can imagine, or something greater?” Make sure that when you ask, you let go of any conclusions you might have made about what it will look like, and how it will show up, and be willing to receive it when it does. You never know what might happen when you ask a question. Have you been asking questions but things don't seem to be changing in the way you'd hoped?
What sort of questions are you asking? Do they sound like this “What do you know about X?” or “What's it going to take for people to get that I know all about X and recognise my worth?” Are these really questions? Or are they conclusions with question marks attached? In other words, you've decided what you want (to tell people about X), and that without people listening to you about X you have no worth. So if you're not getting the change you'd truly like, check your questions. Ask “Is this a question, or is it a statement with a question mark attached?” (also known as "Am I being a superior asshole?") Then ask a real question. Are you bored, unexcited or simply uninspired with your study or work? Perhaps you've been doing something because you decided it was a good career choice, a noble cause, a higher purpose, or just because you've always done it? You'd be crazy to give it up; you'd let everyone down, right?
What about your relationships? Do you spend time with people simply because you work with, they've been friends forever, they're family, or you're worried they'll be upset if you don't? And life in general, how's that going? If you've been feeling a little (or a lot) flat of late, start by asking “Who and what truly excites and inspires me?” Then whatever comes to mind, choose that. See how it works out. Ask the question again. Repeat following the energy of whatever and whomever excites and inspires you. In other words, rather than doing something begrudgingly because you think it is 'right' (for whom?) or expected (by whom?), what if you were excited and inspired by what you did everyday, and by everyone around you? Would your life ever be tiresome or hard, even when sudden disruptions or restrictions are thrown in your way? And what amazing contribution could you be to the world, by doing wholeheartedly what you love, rather than half-heartedly what you think you should? How often do you feel trapped in a no-choice universe? Feeling that right now?
When did your parents, teachers, bosses, co-workers, friends, children, community leaders, governments and everyone sell you the idea that you have no choice but to do what they tell you? What is that for you? To study a subject you hate, take a job you're not interested in, break off a great relationship, marry a person you don't really like, be available to everyone for everything 24/7, subject yourself to something you'd prefers to avoid, consider everyone but you an expert? What else? Guess what? You always have a choice. Infinite choices in fact. This is a free will universe. So remind yourself. Next time you feel trapped ask "What choices do I have?" Then notice whatever possibility feels lightest and ask more questions about what it would take for you to create that as your life. Of course, it may end up being exactly what the other people were telling you to choose in the first place. But you'll feel differently about it because it was your choice. Do you love to read and research trying to make sense of the world, or to seek the truth about what is best for you and yours?
Are you excited when you uncover a new piece of information? Sometimes do you find your sense of excitement, lightness and possibility growing heavy? Maybe you experience this light-heavy-light-heavy cycle continuously? Remember that what's true for you always makes you lighter and a lie for you always makes you heavy. So what is it when you sense the heaviness of a lie, and yet the issue plays on around and around in your head, keeping your attention? If you'd like to find out, next time this happens when reading an article, watching a video, or having a conversation with someone, ask yourself "Is this a truth with a lie attached?" If you feel a lightness, then ask "What part of this is true?" (it will feel lighter) and "What part of this is a lie, spoken or unspoken?" (it will feel heavy). These questions can help you pick your way through the myriad stories on sale without you being compressed into a solid block of granite. How light would you be if you could pull apart all the stories with ease, and know clearly what's light for you, rather than feeling like you have to buy the whole bundle and then tie yourself up with reasons and justifications for doing so? Better still, what if next time you find yourself about to tumble down a rabbit hole or into someone's trauma and drama, you simply choose lightness? Go outside and play with the kids/pets/partner, have a sleep, do some gardening, watch a funny movie, ANYTHING that is light for you. How much of everything we hear is part true and part a lie? What could you create as your life if you considered it all an interesting point of view? *** Much gratitude again to Dr Dain Heer for this one. How often do you limit your choices – before you even consider them – by concluding that other people won't approve?
Do you ever say something like “My husband/wife/partner wouldn't agree”, “My parents wouldn't like it” or even “No one else does that, so what would everyone think of me?” Is worrying about what other people think one of the main reasons you give for not doing something? What if you took other people out of the equation so you could see what you'd really like to choose? If you'd like to find out, ask yourself “If other people's points of view weren't real – if everything were just an interesting point of view – what would I choose?” How many of the world's great science, social, cultural, business and other innovations and discoveries have come from people doing what they loved, and knowing what was right for them, no matter what other people thought was real, true, or possible? What could be possible for you if you listened more to you? Do you ever think yourself into a knotty ball of confusion? Listing pros and cons, researching 'true' and 'false,' collecting background info to analyse to death from all angles, trying to figure out what to do? To get it RIGHT. Whether it's which subject to study, job to choose, car to buy, relationship to pursue, or what choice to make about you and your family's health?
Do you enjoy this process? Is it as fast and easy as you'd like? How does it usually work out? If you don't enjoy it and would prefer a faster, easier – and dare I say it more reliable for you – approach, next time you find yourself embarking on a thought journey into the abyss ask “If I didn't think about this, what would I know?” You know those moments when you just know something? It feels right and light to you, even though others think you're crazy? Only you can really know what is right for you. Are you willing to trust you more? Life might become a whole lot easier. Are you stuck in a non-productive cycle of right/wrong/right/wrong or true/fake/true/fake with someone?
Can you see the precise disconnect between you and the other person, and how the situation could improve so simply and easily if you both considered the other's interesting point of view? Truth, can you ever change anyone else? No. The only thing you can change is YOU. YOU are the only one that can cut your mobius strip of conflict. Are you willing to stop hanging on to your point of view that you can change someone? Sometimes change is possible only when you let things go. So if you'd like to extract yourself from a cycle of struggle, ask “What could I be doing differently that would contribute to the change I desire?” Remember when you were a child and every day was an adventure? When your To Do list something like this: wake up, have fun, go to bed...maybe, or just fall asleep mid-play?
Does your life still have that energy? Or is your To Do list now more like: drag myself out of bed, do what I have to, work and drink too much, and fall into bed...with a social media few rants in between? Would you like to reclaim the energy of your child? Rather than resigning yourself to being weighed down by responsibilities and perceived limitations, what if you embraced life as an exciting adventure? If so, wake up every morning and acknowledge you're in charge of creating your day by asking “Who am I today and what grand and glorious adventures can I have?” When you start each day like this, will you have the same old study, job, work, business, family, health or money problems and restrictions? Maybe. Or maybe you'll see new, exciting possibilities that you've never noticed before. Not having much fun? Is your movement restricted, or you have no job, no social life, and are sinking into the conclusion that you have no future? Is your world full of people telling you to follow the rules and the world as we know it is at an end?
Are you feeling a little heavy? What if you could contribute to an amazing new future for everyone - including you! - have fun at the same time? Like to find out? If so, ask “What fun could I add to my life?” It could be anything, large or small. Like learning/creating something randomly new online, going on an adventure into the deep dark depths of your closet and creating space for yourself (great workout too BTW), asking your insignificant other to make you breakfast-in-bed and supervise the kids homeschooling while you sleep in, creating a 'holiday' anywhere different in your available space, or challenging yourself to make up a joke every day over coffee. What if you did anything that made you smile and feel light? If you already have a little of it, add more. The point is: take action, create your life every day, and smile. There's no need to stick with one thing forever. If your fun drops off, ask the question again and make another choice. You'll be amazed at what you can create when you ask. "Fun: am I willing to have more? Ever heard a story or two million? What about the stories you hear on social media, or the nightly news? Are they true? Are they fake?
How much of story telling is someone trying to get you to do what they want? Or at least confuse you about what is really going on? What if none of it were real or true? What if all stories were simply interesting points of view? If you'd like to be free to create your own life as you'd like, ask "What would I choose if I didn't listen to, tell, or buy the story?" Then check in with what feels light to you and choose that. Repeat. Every time you hear a story - in person, from social media, mainstream media, the government or any other 'authority' or source - ask "What would I choose if I didn't listen to, tell, or buy the story?" Then check in with what feels light to you and choose that. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat X infinity. Sure you can enjoy a story for the heck of it. At the end, say “Wow, that was a terrific story! Thank you [for the entertainment]! What an interesting point of view!" And then ask yourself "What would I choose if I didn't listen to, tell or buy the story?" Check in with what feels light to you and choose that. You get the picture. Is something going on in your life that has you stuck and unable to take action? For you to be unable to change something, you have to have decided or concluded something about it.
Ask yourself, what have you decided in your life right now that is perfect, or the answer? A relationship? A job? A business? A government strategy? When you can see your decisions – and are willing to let them go – all change becomes possible. So when you're stuck and unable to make the changes you'd really like, ask “What decisions, conclusions, and answers have I made about this?” This does not mean you have to end the relationship, give up on the job/business quest, or become an anti-government activist. Once you are aware of limitations you have created through decisions and conclusions, you can choose to transform them into something else. Perhaps into even something better than you could have ever imagined. How? Just ask another question, such as "What information do I need?" Are you confused about something? Is something you're being told not sitting quite right with you? Or perhaps you'd like to create something but keep running into concrete walls?
What if you were simply missing information? So rather than spiralling into a confusion dilemma ask yourself: What information do I need?" or"Who do I need to speak to?" and pay attention to what comes to mind. Remember, when information comes your way you can also as "Does this feel light?" What if by adding missing information, you replaced confusion with clarity, and could then take the action you'd like? How often do you focus on the problems, the bad, and downright ugly things in life?
Even if your intention is to fix these things, your attention will still be on what you have decided is a problem, bad, or ugly. What if, instead, you focused on the wonderful, beautiful, phenomenal things in the world, and asked what it would take for more of those to show up? In other words, rather than limiting yourself to fixing the not-so-great things, what if you invited in more of the good stuff? If you'd like to retrain yourself to see the wonder of life, every morning when you wake up ask “What beauty can I see today?” And then keep an eye out and when you see it, say “How did I get so lucky?” Do you ever feel heat in your chest or pressure on your temples when someone says or does something you don't like? Do you find you can't think clearly, that you get angry or distracted from what you'd really like to do?
If you'd like to be free from the control and distraction of such uncomfortable physical sensations, recognise them as a sign you are in judgement. Then you can shift gear into allowance. What is allowance? Allowance is where everything is just an interesting point of view and you have total freedom of choice. Judgement limits you to what you have decided (or someone has told you) is right/wrong, good/bad. It's like being on an automatic pushbutton system of resist/react or agree/align, where you have no freedom of choice. So next time you have a physical reaction to someone, ask “Am I in allowance or judgement?” If you find you're in judgement, say “Interesting point of view I have that point of view” and expand outwards and remind yourself “What if I had infinite, free choice?” Depending on what's going on, you might need to repeat this several godzillian times until the heat dissipates. What if being free from judgement allowed you to create the change you'd really like to see? What is the point of life? Do you know? Does anyone?
Is it the same for everyone? Have you bought a point of view from someone that doesn't quite seem to fit you? What if you created your own point of life? Would that work better? What would you choose? Would you choose things that were hard and to be suffered? Or would you choose things that were a delight for you to do? And who decided you had to choose the no-fun, problem-filled, version of life that many people seem to create, anyway? Would you like to choose differently? If so, ask “What if the point of life was to have fun?” and then "What action can I take to create that?" Feeling claustrophobic, limited, pent up, or simply bored? Give this a go.
Sit comfortably. Close your eyes. Find the outer edges of your body. Got them? Then ask yourself, are you only your body, or something else? Think of it in terms of a phone/mp3 player/CD/record with music on it, versus a brand new device/disc with no software or sound on it. If you sense you are more than just your body (the device/disc), then find the outer edges of you, the being (the music). Got them? Wherever you found them, push them out in all directions until they are out past the outer edges of the universe, or further. Now open your eyes. Do you feel the same or different? Do you have the sense of more space or less? Did you feel any edges or not? There are no right answers to these questions. Only your awareness. This exercise is designed to heighten your awareness of you and space and to remind you that you are a being in a free-will universe, with infinite, free choice. When your life is not how you'd like it to be, or if you sense your freedom of movement, thought, choice or more is being limited or controlled by others, remind yourself you can choose to create it differently. Something not working the way you'd like at the moment? Has your world turned 180 degrees upside down and inside out? How many concrete walls are you banging your head against?
What if rather than focusing on what's not working, get clear on what change is possible. Sometimes, things won't change no matter what you do. So if you'd like clarity about what will change and what won't, ask “What's possible? Can I change this? If so, how?” These questions will help you see ways you might step around, walk away, dig under, or fly over the concrete wall, rather than bang your head against it. The wall is not wrong and has no evil intent to hurt you. It is simply a wall that is happy to stay that way. So get clear on the concrete walls in your life and find another way around or away. Your head will thank you for it. On a scale of 1-10, how grateful are you for people and things in your life? Are you finding it a challenge right now? Do you feel less than zero in the luck department with nothing to be thankful for?
What if you found one thing to be grateful for every day, and told someone, even if it's just yourself ? When someone thanks you, how do you feel? Good? Does it make you want to hang around longer, catchup again sooner, work harder, smile more, and go the extra mile? This is the energetic vibration of thanks. It's warm, fertile and prosperous, and it's infectious (in a good way!) and can replicate. So everyday, when you find that one (or more - go crazy) good thing in your life, acknowledge it with a smile and ask “How did I get so lucky?” It's a great way to say you're thankful and to invite more of the good stuff to come your way. In these times when the world seems to be going to hell in a handbag, wouldn't it be amazing if we all caught the Gratitude21 virus instead? Whenever you've had more time than usual away from friends, family, work, travel or other stimulating positive environments, do you find it easy to spiral downward? Do you start focusing on what's wrong with your life, what's wrong with you?
Do you get really down on yourself, feeling that you're not quite right somehow? Maybe you start to feel that you're less than you should be or that you're not what someone else expects you to be? Perhaps time on your own has changed the way you think, and now you don't seem to fit in with everyone around you? Have people started calling you crazy, or worse, and you think that you're wrong for not fitting in? What if there was nothing wrong with you? If you'd like to find out, rather than judging yourself as wrong, ask “What's right about me that I'm not getting?” What if you were not nearly as messed up as you thought you were? What if you were just different? And what if, by acknowledging this, you show up as the difference that the world needs? This is free and doesn't hurt, so give it a go, ask the question. Is there a lot going on around you? Are friends, media, governments telling "this is true!" or "that is a lie"? Are you confused about who to trust and what to do?
Start by asking a question - any question (choose from ours if that helps) - then pay attention to what shows up and how you feel. Do you feel light? You know the breezy sense of space and weightlessness you have when everything is just right. Do you feel heavy? You know that clunky feeling when something is not quite right and you sense a lie. In other words, if you feel light, it's right for you. If you feel heavy it's not right for you. In these unsettled times, what if you pay attention to your senses and follow the lightness, even though it may not make logical sense at the time? This is not about making anyone right or wrong. This is about honouring and nurturing you. Be aware that just because something is light for you, it may not be lightness for the person standing next to you. There are many interesting points of view. What in your life right now has slapped you on the face like a wet fish? Is something going on that has apparently come out of nowhere and bitten you on the bum?
Like being told to stay at home and restrict your activities for months on end with three kids, and then there's a power outage? Or something even more challenging? Whatever that is for you, when you find you're trapped in an "OMG this is terrible" cycle of stress and worry ask "What's right about this that I'm not getting?" And keep asking it over and over, even if you don't believe it or feel it. What if there was ALWAYS something right about a 'bad' situation? Like rediscovering old fashioned board games or actual books to keep everyone entertained. Or seeing the world from an entirely new perspective and reevaluating your life choices? How does it get any better than this? Listen to what people talk about. What percentage is a complaint or a problem? Trauma and drama? Ninety-nine percent? Or more?
Did you know that you get more of what you focus your attention on? So if you'd like fewer problems and more joy in life, inject a little gratitude into your conversation. Crinkle someone's universe by saying something like “I am so grateful for the lockdown; it made me look at my life in a totally different way” or “I am really grateful that their lying is so obvious; now I know to look into everything they say and do and so I won't get caught out” or “How did I get so lucky seeing beautiful blue skies? Not being able to travel means I can spend more time connecting with my local community.” What if you found one thing to be grateful for every day and told someone? Perhaps you'll surprise people and they'll stop complaining mid-stream? You may even infect them with gratitude and spread it to others? Or you may just have giggle on your own because you're grateful you have toilet paper. So ask, “What am I grateful for today?” Whatever you've got going on – great or not so great – it can always get better. You just have to ask.
What bad things are going on with you right now? Perhaps you've run out of essential supplies, lost your job, closed your business and went bankrupt, are stuck in a confined space, are unable to travel, got dumped by the love of your life, got sick, or [list your own not-so-good stuff here _________________]? What about the good things? There's got to be something. Are you enjoying spending more time with your immediate community and family? Catching up on all the projects you've never given yourself time to do? Spending less time/money travelling to work? Noticing less pollution around you? Managing to enjoy life without things you previously considered essential? What else? [List your own good stuff here ______________]. Now ask “How does it get any better than this?” This is your invitation for something even better to show up. Of course you'd like the bad things to improve. The good stuff? Just because something is great now, doesn't mean it can't be even greater. |
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